Friday, April 29, 2011

Smells Like Spleen Spirit

Reading through the columns at American Thinker is much like going on a vision quest, except the immaterial animal which serves as your spirit guide isn't a bison or an eagle, it's more likely a moose in Hammer pants, or a large, velveteen chicken.  So if you're out of peyote, the average Robin of Berkeley column will do in a pinch.

But for those just looking to cop a quick buzz from a one-hitter, AT also maintains a blog, and today Richard Butrick (who I think might be this guy) brings the butthurt to Obama.
Trump Smells a Rat. Williams Smells a Racist
Juan Williams says that it is hard not to see a pattern in the questions Trump raises about Obama. Juan characterizes the issues raised by Trump as showing that Trump thinks the president is not smart enough to write his own book, he is not smart enough to get into Harvard, and he spends his time playing basketball. "The pattern sure looks racial, smells racial, and invites Whoopi to call a spade a spade."
Trump may be trafficking in racist stereotypes (dumb, lazy, plays hoops too much, did poorly in school, every accomplishment the result of affirmative action, or secretly the work of a white man), but they're not racist stereotypes of African-Americans, because Trump didn't even mention the President's enormous schwanzstucker. So if we follow a process of inductive reasoning -- as I'm sure Professor Butrick would approve -- we arrive at the conclusion that Donald Trump has an unreasoning hatred of Slovenians.
Let's put the shoe on the other foot. Let us presume that Obama were white and that Juan had serious doubts about his character and policies. Let us say that he further thought that if Obama won a second term that it would be injurious to America economically, politically and socially. Would he go after his character? If he thought that there was some doubt about the legality of his candidacy, would he bring that up and make an issue of it? If he thought that there was something fishy about his getting into Columbia and Harvard with poor grades at Occidental, would he bring that up? Would he at least demand that Obama make his records public like every other candidate? Would that make Juan a racist?
It would depend if the candidate was Slovenian. Now, I have a great relationship with the Slovenians. I've always had a great relationship with the Slovenians. But have you ever had to sit next to one on the bus? They smell like acetate, I imagine, because they all work at the Kodak plant in Rochester, NY (admittedly, everything I know about Slovenians I learned from Mary Grabar columns).

I guess it would also depend if Juan (May I call him "Juan"? Dick gets to) had evidence for these suspicions, or if they were simply collected from moist, dark places on the internet, and amplified through Donald Trump's gob.
The point is that most "birthers", who think that Obama is a slick talking crypto-Marxist with a distain for America, would go after Obama if he were white.
Ha! It's like that moment when the teacher catches you chewing gum in class; but instead of taking that long, humiliating walk to the front of the room to spit it out her waste basket, the Birthers confound their detractors by declaring that yes, as a matter of fact they did bring enough hate for everybody. 
Now maybe Obama is a pragmatist and a sincere champion of America as a force for good in the world and the birthers are all wrong. That makes them wrong. It doesn't make them racist. And it doesn't make Trump a racist. Trump smells a rat.
I always wondered what that thing on his head smells like.
Trump has dealt with a lot of duplicitous sneaks in the business world and he smells a rat. Ok. He just smells something fishy.
The great thing about going deep sea fishing for rats, is you can save on anchovies or nightcrawlers and just bait your hook with garbage.
On the other hand if following one's suspicions and trying to find out what is going on behind Obama's sealed records to get the measure of the man makes one a racist - if being skeptical and deciding dig deeper into an issue to avoid being blindsided is racist - then fine, being a racist is a compliment.
You're welcome. Just don't let it go to your head. Your fishy, rat-smelling head.

18 comments:

D. Sidhe said...

Yeah, uh. Missing the point, Dick.

Look, I agree most Tea Partiers are GOPpers, and would therefore hate Obama if he was white. They hated Clinton, after all. But you have to admit, there's a lot of different reasons these fuckers hate him. I will in return admit that the major reasons is that they honestly think this really is a right wing Christian country and therefore it is by definition impossible for the candidate they don't agree with to have been legitimately elected.

But you can hate a guy for being smarter than you, or for taking credit for your idea, or for having to take his kid to the ER and you had to prepare the report all by yourself, or for that time he didn't tell you the boss was standing right behind you while you were doing that hilarious impersonation of him eating spaghetti, and--and this is the important part--still also hate him because he's black, or Muslim, or liberal, or an immigrant, or you just think he might be any of those things.

If your hatred of him comes out when you send around an email calling him a backstabber, okay, maybe you just hate him for reasons that don't make you a bigot, even if he is black, or Muslim, or an immigrant. But if you photoshop a bone through his nose, or paste his head one the body of a known terrorist, or make clever jokes about "African Lions" and "Lyin' Africans" while you're doing it, then, yeah, okay, you're being a bigot too, in addition to whatever you feel your excellent reasons are for hating him.

Nobody's saying Trump has to like Obama. Nobody's even saying Trump has to shut up about it. But if he's going to make the same debunked and stereotyped attacks on Obama that, say, the folks at Stormfront make, then he should expect at least some people to notice that and call him on it.

(Not to mention, fuck you, Donald. I got mocked for "Bush Derangement Syndrome" for years because I said he'd stolen at least one election, with significantly more evidence of it than this birth certificate crap. So, you know, Obama Derangement Syndrome, jackass.)

James Briggs Stratton "Doghouse" Riley said...

Can we just add that if, in 2011, you think that arguing mutatis mutandis aka The Old Switcheroo, "What if the black guy said that about the white guy?" makes some point about racism then you are a fucking racist.

Anonymous said...

The crack about playing basketball can't be racist because we white guys play basketball too amirite?

p.s. I love fried chicken and watermellon also.

Aimless in Florida said...

Okay, so out to the B.Ball court; Obama v Trump; one-on-one; best two out of three; winner gets the Oval Office.

Any thoughts on who would be Trump's First Lady?

D. Sidhe said...

The thing on his head. Might be the First Man, though. Or First Muskrat. Hey, I don't judge, I'm not Rick Santorum.

Although, does the First Companion have to show his/her/its birth certificate?

Lucy The Wonder Dog said...

If he thought that there was something fishy about his getting into Columbia and Harvard with poor grades at Occidental, would he bring that up? Would he at least demand that Obama make his records public like every other candidate? Would that make Juan a racist?

I don't remember "every other candidate" making school records available during a campaign or after being elected to office. Was there something I missed?

Lucy The Wonder Dog said...

Why doesn't blockquote work! Argh!

Anonymous said...

My favorite comments from Butrick's Rate My Professor ratings:

"It's nice to have a proff[sic] that inserts random attacts[sic] on liberals too."

"He cancles[sic] class a lot too, which is a plus."

"can't hear you most of the time...always lets class out early."

And those were the good reviews!

KWillow said...

Wonder Dog: please provide a link to "every other" candidate's college and High School grades.

Thank you.

Gale Starr said...

The thing is, that once you go digging behind the half-truths and outright falsehoods perpetuated by the birthers and you find out the actual FACTS, you have no choice but to accept that he is a natural-born citizen. Being a birther involves a complete and deliberate denial of reality. Donald has access to the same facts that the rest of us do. He has no excuse for his spreading of misinformation.

Larkspur said...

KWillow: note that Wonder Dog's blockquotes got sabotaged in her first comment.

Lucy the Wonder Dog: you may resume commenting when you provide a link to your own college and high school transcripts. By what authority do I assert this condition? The classic shut up that's why.

I'd provide my own, but let's just settle for a summary: high school - straight A student, brilliant, OMG, exceeds 99% of all other students tested, watch out world! College - hmm, kinda spotty, incomplete, can't even read this part, what got spilled here, oh never mind: next!

Also: happy May Day, May Day, May Day!

M. Bouffant said...

Lucy, no blockquoting in Bugger comments, best one can do is italicize.

we arrive at the conclusion that Donald Trump has an unreasoning hatred of Slovenians.

Well! I discovered just yesterday that this yr.'s Mrs. Trump, Malaria, is Slovenian. Imagine that.

Gale Starr said...

It's kind of gross that he has a child bride--she's young enough to be his daughter.

D. Sidhe said...

Gale, that's one of the least gross things about him.I mean, *I* am young enough to be Trump's daughter, and nobody on earth would say he shouldn't be dating women in their forties.

If he treats her badly because he's a sexist pig, and I grant you I'd be willing to believe that, then that's something I'd consider gross. But sheer age spread, squicky though it may be to any individual, is no more a reason to object to a marriage than religious differences.

Chris Vosburg said...

But Sideshow Donald has a great relationship with "The Blacks." Says so right on the package.

Anonymous said...

Butrick? Wasn't he a character on Blackadder?

Lancelot Link said...

But Sideshow Donald has a great relationship with "The Blacks."

He means Conrad Black, Baron Black of Crossharbour;
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2007/jun/04/citynews.business

Gale Starr said...

D Sidhe, that is true, yes.