Friday, June 3, 2011

Joseph Farah Likes His Coffee The Way He Likes His Mustache...

 ...black, and lots of it.  But as for other body parts -- or even whole bodies -- he'd like a lot less black, especially in that whole White House region.

Although WorldNetDaily kingpin Joseph Farah is an accomplished shearer of sheep -- maintaining a large and loyal readership which resembles nothing so much as a shivering colony of ruminant nudists -- like any really accomplished clip artist he is always on the look out for fresh sources of fleece; and as WND has proven time and again, even the rough wool of outrage, resentment, and racial antipathy can be spun into gold.  So after yesterday's announcement that he's suing Esquire and William Randolph Hearst himself for everything he's got! -- including Hearst Castle and Marion Davies' "rosebud" -- the grizzled, but sable-lipped old crusader has also declared that he's had enough with these uppity congress-critters popping up out of the briar patch to level accusations of racism!
The ill-informed race mongers

They're still playing the race card on people who insist the president of the United States should have to prove he is constitutionally eligible for office. 
They're never satisfied, are they, Joe?  You show 'em a PDF of your Soul Train Fan Club Card (personally signed by Don Cornelius!) from 1971 to prove that you've always had a great relationship with the blacks, but the conspiracy theorists continue to nitpick (Where's the original Fan Club Card that can be handled and examined by experts?  Is this a wet Don Cornelius' signature, or did some flunky use a rubber stamp?  Are these blotches smearing the date on the card artifacts of the OCR digital conversion process, or just semen stains?).  Questions remain.
Meet Rep. Jim Clyburn, the assistant Democratic leader in the House.

He gave an interview to the McClatchy News Service in which he claimed that those concerned about Barack Obama's eligibility are racists.

"I don't know why anybody didn't ask for John McCain's" birth certificate, Clyburn said. "He wasn't even born in this country."

Clyburn should read Jerome Corsi's "Where's the Birth Certificate? The Case That Barack Obama Is Not Eligible To Be President."
Released in paperback as "Everything I Need to Know About the Scholarly Method I Learned in Kindergarten."
The first chapter of the book recounts the forgotten media hysteria over McCain's eligibility issue. The New York Times and CNN and other major media outlets published and broadcast dozens of stories questioning McCain's qualification as a "natural born citizen" –
Dozens of stories?  Talk about a cover-up! WND publishes dozens of stories calling Obama a foreigner every day.
ultimately leading to a hearing in the U.S. Senate and a unanimous finding that the senator was eligible because both his parents were U.S. citizens white!*
That has always been the accepted definition of a "natural born citizen" since the day the phrase was included in the Constitution among the meager, but unique, qualifications for the office of president and vice president. 
It's like the Fourteenth Amendment never even happened.  Like it was all a dream...just a beautiful dream, like...Oz, or...the Maidenform Women showing up at the Inaugural Ball.

But even going by Joe's "accepted definition" of a "natural born citizen," which isn't actually defined in the Constitution, you have to admit that the Founders really dropped the ball by allowing Thomas Jefferson to serve as President.  Not only was he the son of a foreign-born mother, but she was English, a subject of the King against whom he had just fought a war.  Talk about your Divided Loyalties!  Is it therefore any surprise that we found ourselves fighting another war against England not three years after Jefferson left office.  And what's the deal with Andrew Jackson?  Both his parents were Irish, which is the same thing as English, except the soap, while manly, is also enjoyed by women.

You know, the more I get to know about the Founding Fathers, the more inept they seem.   It's hard to believe none of them ever served in the Bush Administration.
I guess it would be too much to ask that Clyburn read the papers and pay attention to what goes on over in the Senate. And, by the way, why didn't Clyburn, when he was in the leadership of the majority party in 2008, simply ask for John McCain's birth certificate if he was so interested? 
 Because Clyburn took McCain at his word that the Senator was born in Panama?
But it gets worse.
Did James Rosen of the Washington bureau of the McClatchy News Service correct the record in his story?
No.
Did he point out to his interview subject that, indeed, there were many calls for McCain to prove his eligibility?
No.
Did he point out the unanimous finding of the Democrat-dominated U.S. Senate in 2008?
No.
Did he ask him why he didn't, as a member of the House leadership, ask McCain for proof of eligibility if he were sincerely interested?
Probably because Clyburn wasn't terribly interested, not being either a racist, or a parasite preying on the easily bamboozled.
No.
He just let him play the race card – evidently because he liked it or because he was as ill-informed as Clyburn.
Another day, another couple of Washington insiders exchanging ignorances in public.
But consider what they are doing – labeling as "racist" those who insist the Constitution be enforced.
This is not only provably untrue, it is the polar opposite of truth. 
Now, perhaps Snidely Whipstash is genuinely aglow with righteous and altruistic indignation, or perhaps it's simply a case where the truth hurts -- at least enough to pierce the dry, brittle, puff pastry-like shell he calls his skin, and let some of the accumulated pus spatter onto his keyboard.  But more likely, Joe is preparing another windfall lawsuit, this time a class action against American Black People, which will no doubt result in an historic Supreme Court decision (WorldNetDaily v. The Sons of Ham, et al).
Let me point out that the white guy in the 2008 presidential race – the guy who had served in Congress for 30 years and previously run for president – was the one forced to prove his eligibility. The half-black guy – with three years in Congress, whose two fathers were both foreign citizens and who attended school in Indonesia as an Indonesian citizen, was not asked to prove anything! 
 Plus, he was the subject of a family-undermining public school textbook, Barry Has Two Foreign Dads, which has encouraged an entire generation of mixed race children to be fathered, then abandoned by Africans, adopted by Indonesians, then raised by White Midwesterners.  Which, if you've been paying attention to the network upfronts in New York this week, is the premise of half the new Fall sitcoms. 
If there's racism on parade in the matter of eligibility it would have to be anti-white racism, no?
So you and your website are only persecuting Obama's white half?
"Okay, I admit it -- I'm not as young as I used to be -- and occasionally I like to touch up my Black side with a little Just For Men."

Maybe Obama got a free ride because he was black?
Well sure.  I mean, that's traditionally been a FastPass® to the White House.
Maybe others were afraid to bring up the constitutional issue because yokels like Clyburn would smear them as racists? 
We would've made a lot more social progress in the 50s and 60s if only places like Clyburn's native South Carolina hadn't been filled with so many anti-racist yokels.
Maybe when you run out of intelligent arguments against enforcing the Constitution there's nowhere to turn but invectives? 
Whenever Joe makes a speech, at someplace like the anti-Park51 rally, or CPAC, he's played onstage to the reggae beat of Elvis Costello's Watching the Invectives.
Maybe there should be an IQ test before we allow people to run for Congress to prevent America from being embarrassed by the likes of Jim Clyburn and company?
Or some sort of poll test, at least.
Maybe now that a totally unqualified black man, who is ineligible to boot, has been elected to the presidency, we can stop whining about racism in America?
Yes, it does seem to have vanished, doesn't it?
Maybe I'm getting sick and tired of nattering nabobs like Jim Clyburn getting to spew this kind of drivel without any consequences – including being confronted with the truth by a reporter with half a brain?
I vote yes to all of the above.
You'll need to pass the literacy test first, Joe.

*Edited for clarity.

7 comments:

KWillow said...

"The Reporter With Half-A-Brain!" sounds like a good title for a Fox "news" show.

Li'l Innocent said...

You're cooking with gaz today, Scott!

Wonder what scholarly source Joe's using for that "accepted definition" definition? Parson Weems? Bishop Ussher? Foghorn Leghorn?

(I'm seeing "The Reporter With Half-A-Brain!" as a horror feature ripe for coverage in the next edition of BLTBM. All we gotta do if film it.)

Li'l Innocent said...

Or, "...gotta do iS film it", as we say in scholarly circles.

Aimless in Florida said...

"Maybe there should be an IQ test before we allow people to run for Congress...?"

Now there's an idea..until the Republicans turn the testing over to some friends in the private sector like they did with voting machines.

Plutodog said...

It should be pointed out that there was NO hearing on McCain's citizenship and his BC was NOT released to the general public -- There's a fake on the internet and one reporter was shown it without being able to copy it.

The Senate Resolution on McCain was introduced sans hearing. One question was asked during an unrelated hearing of the witness(forget who), see Fogbow for details but there was no hearing.

Scott said...

Thanks for the info, Plutodog.

histrogeek said...

Both parents need to be U.S. citizens? Sorry dude, that's 5th Century B.C. Athens you're thinking of. U.S. law says only one's got to be a citizen. Which is why the whole birther thing was stupid(er) and (more) racist to begin with.