Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The United States of AWESOME!

AdvertisingAge (which I always thought sounded less like a trade magazine and more like the title of a Will & Ariel Durant book) advises us to drop our drawers, bend at the waist, and prepare for the hickory smoked smell of seared buttocks, because we're about to be branded.
America's got a new plan of attack when it comes to marketing itself around the world. Going forward, the country will base communications around the idea that this is the "United States of Awesome Possibilities."
Ah yes, the Good Ol' USAP, where Everything is Possibly Awesome.  Or at least, where there's a 50% Chance of Awesome (personally, I'm no fan of stuffy Latin credos, and have always felt that our national motto should sound more like a local TV weather forecast).

Just imagine how potentially bitchin' it will be, living in the United States of Awesome Possibilities!  The Founders may have been Christians, they may have been Deists, but one thing is certain: wherever they are, they're kicking themselves that they didn't think of this first (although Benjamin Franklin came close, during one of those late night, drunken bull sessions at the Second Continental Congress, when he suggested the Great Seal of the United States should read "E Pluribus Unom nom nom."  Then he stole Lambert Cadwalader's bucket).
The country's new positioning comes courtesy of the Corporation for Travel Promotion, which this summer hired JWT to handle a global marketing campaign and is worked with branding firm The Brand Union to create a logo for Brand U.S.A.
I can tell you this, if I were president, I wouldn't go on some World Apology Tour.  I'd stand up before the United Nations, and proudly declare that the United States is the greatest brand on earth, and that I am a firm believer in American Exceptionalism™ (Reg. U.S. Pat. Off) and its subsidiary brands, Diet American Exceptionalism®, and American Exceptionalism Extreme with Lemon®.

But as Chris Perkins, JWT'S CMO for the CTP said, "What is so compelling about the United States is that no one thing can explain who we are as a nation."

True that.  We get plenty of out-of-towners here, and I once asked a foreign visitor why he chose Hollywood for his vacation.  He said, "Oh, I considered lots of other destinations -- Europe, Japan, Australia -- but I just found myself really drawn to your vagueness."

I just hope the CTP can find a way to entice potential tourists with the limitless, Lovecraftian depths of our shapeless inky void.   I think they've made a very good start with the logo:
The group said in a press release that the dots in the campaign's logo, shown above, create a "21st-century brand" which "symboliz[es] the boundless possibilities of the U.S.," as well as representing America's "diversity."
The DiscoverAmerica campaign is in the early stages of development, and is still seeking a legend for their logo, one which "evokes and celebrates our ambiguous, ill-defined nature.  But No Spoilers!"  So I sent them my suggestion:

America:  We're Hard to Explain, And We Look Like the Measles.

So what's your catchy slogan for the United States of Awesome?

16 comments:

heydave said...

America: Fucked up in a different way

jtnRN said...

America: we weren't sure if we wanted you to visit, either

mndean said...

America: Come see the dystopia, and leave your accent at home!

AnnPW said...

USA: Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?

Ugluks Flea said...

USA: If you're blue colorblind stay the hell out, you stinkin' blindy.

Green Eagle said...

America. we look like we're falling apart.

Anonymous said...

America, "the brand"? Well, why not? Might as well be prepared for the day when the plutocrats buy and own the whole country....and need to get a healthy return on their investment...

Jay B. said...

The purple dots just might surprise you!

Anonymous said...

How about: America--where the past is the future...."

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

America: Those Lesser Nations THOUGHT They Knew How To Make Fascism Work
~

Anonymous said...

America: Cautionary Example Disintegrating Before Your Eyes

Anonymous said...

USA : Don't turn your back on the mofos.

Szb

tony said...

Binary punch card computing logo?

James Briggs Stratton "Doghouse" Riley said...

America: Just Grab a Thread and Pull!

Stacia said...

America: Hoarding Dot Matrix Printers Since 1979

pajzilla said...

America: No Spit, No Vaseline