Friday, December 9, 2011

Jim Treacher Wants You to Stop Laughing at Ted Haggard!

As I've mentioned in the past, I receive a diurnal update from Tucker Carlson's slam book, The Daily Caller, entitled -- idiosyncratic kerning in the original -- TheDC Morning.  In this post, back in July, 2010, I speculated that these emails were the anonymous handiwork of Sean "Jim Treacher" Medlock, because they seemed to epitomize his unique Mad Libs style of humor -- mean girl snottiness, culminating in a blank space where the reader is invited to fill in the punchline.

Jim appeared at the sound of his name, alá Beetlejuice, and informed us that he does not in fact write TheDC Morning.  Okey doke.  For the past few months, however, the thing has not only maintained the same tone of breezy asininity, it's been carrying his byline, so Jim either misled us about his contribution, which is certainly understandable, or TheDCers pulled off an extraordinarily smooth transition.  Or, possibly, the intern who was aping Jim's style eventually went full Single White Female and assumed his identity, and Jim is chained to a wall somewhere like the Forgotten Prisoner of Castlemare.

But frankly, after reading the most recent update, I suspect that Jim is well and free and cranking it out:
4.)  One banana sheikh, comin' right up -- It's important to get your daily allotment of fruits and vegetables, right?  Wellllll...  TheDC's Caroline May reports:

"According to the Bikya Masr news service, an Islamic cleric in Europe has ordered Muslim women to prevent 'sexual thoughts' by staying away from bananas, cucumbers, carrots, zucchini, and other phallic produce.  The unnamed sheikh reportedly advises that if women wanted to eat these kinds of food they would need to be cut into smaller pieces, in private, by a man -- preferably a relative -- because the foods 'resemble the male penis' and could 'make them think of sex...'  Bikya Masr reports that Muslims' online responses have been largely negative, with one Muslim noting that the cleric gives Islam 'a bad name' and another encouraging him to quit his post."

If you think it's racist or inflammatory to report on this, please shut up about how sexually repressed Christians are.
Racist?  Inflammatory?  Try hilarious, Jim.  Delightful.  A warm, reassuring reminder that deep down we are all alike, and that fundamentalism is funny, no matter what the culture.

Treacher seems a bit butt-hurt over all the snickering occasioned by America's greatest renewable resource -- evangelical hypocrisy.  Face it, Jim -- sex is funny.  It makes people act irrationally, and like greed, and the desire to avoid embarrassment, is one of the great engines of farce.

And there are few things more more risible than the spectacle of some ecclesiastical bureaucrat who decides to suppress the human urge to hump by unleashing his awesome Wonder Twin powers of Freudian Obsession and Utter Cluelessness; or when a clerical functionary (or fundamentalist-fellating politician) sets himself up as a moral exemplar, then gets caught with a Rentboy.  I mean, Jesus reserved some of his harshest rhetoric for hypocrites, but I bet even he thought that shit was funny.

I think the problem is, Treacher is a bit confused between the non-denominational urge to laugh at some bluenose with his pants around his ankles, and telling a Jew Joke.  The former is ludicrous (as witnessed by the reactions of Muslims themselves to the mullah's Prohibitions Against Cheating with the Produce Department), the later is bigotry.  (There is some traditional latitude for intra-group trafficking in ethnic humor, which is why Black people can use the "N" word and Rick Perry can't, Latinos can make jokes that would not be warmly received from the gob of Tom Tancredo, and Americans living in a culture dominated by fundamentalist Christians can feel free to titter when one of them turns up sporting two wetsuits and a dildo.)

21 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

...and Jim is chained to a wall somewhere like the Forgotten Prisoner of Castlemare.

I dream of karma.

and Americans living in a culture dominated by fundamentalist Christians can feel free to titter when one of them turns up sporting two wetsuits and a dildo.

Two wetsuits and a dildo-phone.
~

Dark Avenger said...

One can only dream.

Stacia said...

'resemble the male penis'

As opposed to the female penis. Easy joke, I know.

While reading Caroline May's article, I kept reminiscing fondly about the fig scene in Women in Love.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Does the same rule apply to riding bicycles over railroad tracks or sitting on the washing machine during the spin cycle?

Carl said...

Face it, Jim -- sex is funny. It makes people act irrationally, and like greed, and the desire to avoid embarrassment, is one of the great engines of farce.

HOw in the hell did you get an advance copy of my book?????

KWillow said...

When one thinks about it, green lumpy cucumbers really do NOT look like, ah- Male Members. Nor do skinny orange carrots, yellow bananas.

Might as well forbid TV remote controls, most Sports equipment, pens & pencils, and sleek sports cars.

Jim Treacher said...

Or: Somebody else used to write it, but he left the company, so now I do.

Keep reading! ;)

Scott said...

Or: Somebody else used to write it, but he left the company, so now I do.

A possibility I allowed for ("...or TheDCers pulled off an extraordinarily smooth transition").

Anyway, kudos on your former co-worker's handwriting comprehension skills. Even writ large on a wall, it can sometimes be challenging to decipher the Zaner-Bloser script.

Keep reading! ;)

I appreciate the support, Jim (and, needless to say, the guileless winky), but you might as well encourage me to "keep watching that car crash." It's not really a voluntary response.

Jim Treacher said...

Well then, I hope you escape from whoever's holding you hostage and making you visit my blog. ;)

Scott said...

Oh I don't actually visit your blog, Jim (despite all the come-hither, Palinesque winking) -- I just open my email in the morning and marvel at the daily sub-vocal tantrums. It's what I do to kill time while the coffee perks, instead of Googling myself.

Jim Treacher said...

Oh, so you get the e-mail every morning. And, as noted, you read it. What a glutton for punishment! ;)

Please continue to do so.

Anonymous said...

Okay third times the charm:
He apparently does search for references to himself online - kinda pathetic.

acrannymint

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

Also, he's incapable of not writing fifty-seven passive-aggressive comments on every single post that says anything mean about him. There's a man who is clearly not in the grip of obsessive compulsions.

Jim Treacher said...

My goodness. I'm not sure what I've said to merit such hostility, but I hope you ladies and/or gentlemen have a pleasant evening! ;)

Stacia said...

I'm not sure what I've said to merit such hostility

Complete obliviousness to both your articles and the reactions of those who read them? You don't say. I, for one, am utterly shocked.

Equally shocking is your passive-aggressive insistence that someone merely reading your articles must enjoy what you say on some level. So, too, is your deliberate inability to comprehend that critics of all genres often endure utter dreck for the sake of their work.

Nothing, however, is as shocking as a grown-ass man using a winky smiley in the midst of what is essentially a professional situation.

maryclev said...

I don't know what's funnier: Scott's post, the fact that Treacher vainly googles himself, or Treacher's borderline sociopathic belief that Scott reads any of his stuff for any reason other than as potential comic fodder.

Sad, really. Poor guy. MST3K would confuse the heck out of him.

Faster, Harder, More Challenging GeoX said...

Ya know, Jim, I was kinda thinking you might actually refrain from further so as to prove me wrong, but I can't say I'm exactly *surprised* that you were unable to resist the temptation. Your lack of self-awareness really is breathtaking.

Chris Vosburg said...

Jim Treacher writes: My goodness. I'm not sure what I've said to merit such hostility

Ending every goddam comment with a winky smiley is more than enough for me, Jim.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Every time that we feed teh troll, teh troll comes back for more. We'd be better off with soaking-wet Gremlins @ a 24-hour buffet.

At least the Gremlins are cognizant AND possible of possessing actual PERSONALITIES, no matter how many tiny servo motors it took for them to be expressed.

Anonymous said...

Jim spends so much time obsessively Googling himself that he's gone blind, which explains why he keeps on walking in front of motorcades.

I harassed him at the AV Club a while back and he did that same cute "oh, you certainly seem to have spent a lot of time thinking about me, TEE HEE HEE" routine he's doing here. That's a lot of projection from someone who spent something like 72 solid hours accusing David Letterman of joking about child rape.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Damnnnn, I wish his daddy had pulled-out early or at least that his mama had let him slide on down her leg!