Monday, February 28, 2011

Pre-Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Undercover Angels Edition

Service Notice:

My much beloved, but finicky iMac has died (or rather, since it now boots up to a gray screen and hangs, it might be more accurate to say it's in a persistent vegetative state), and at the moment I'm making due with my faithful, but antediluvian laptop.  Unfortunately, I don't have access to my cat pix or photo editing software, which explains why we skipped Beast Blogging this past weekend.

However, our Southern Hemispherical friend Suezboo has placed a very non-naggy, unbeggary request for  beasties, and luckily I had a few images in the camera documenting our recent cold snap:
Riley:  "Would it kill you to turn up the thermostat?  No, it would not.  Would I kill you the moment you dropped your guard, slit open your abdomen and crawl inside to stay warm?  All signs point to Yes.

Choose wisely."
Moondoggie:  "I'm the meat in my own sandwich."

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

No, Not THAT Ten Commandments!

 Let's check in with our old friend Ellis Washington, "a conservative intellectual, a thinker who holds philosophical ideas out the Judeo-Christian traditions of intellectual thought," a "former editor of the Michigan Law Review," even though he didn't attend the University of Michigan Law School (maybe he did the horoscopes), and "authorized biographer for the conservative intellectual Dr. Michael Savage," although Ellis seems to have dropped that part from his bio, and since the book never came out, we can only assume that Savage finally realized that being the subject of a 200-page tongue bath from a middle aged man might expose him to a bit of ribbing, even in San Francisco.

Anyway, Georgia resident Ellis seems to have finally noticed the Georgia Guidestones, or stumbled upon their Wikipedia entry, or heard Alex Jones ranting about them on a real radio station while Ellis was doing his fake internet talk show.  And he's ready to blow the roof off these rocks!  And the Enlightenment!  And the Renaissance!  Which are apparently all the same thing!

The Ten Commandments of the Antichrist
If you want to make an omelet, you have to be willing to break a few eggs. ~ Lenin
To make sure you understand the diabolical consequences of Lenin's idea...
Actually, I believe that quote is from Robespierre, but he was pretty diabolical too (and, being French, his omelet was probably tastier than Lenin's, although Lenin's milkshake was known to bring all the boysheviks to the yard).
...the meaning is this: To start an international revolution under communism or state socialism, you must be willing to commit genocide everywhere it is established.
Committing genocide with an egg whisk, however, is kind of labor intensive, which is probably why they switched to the guillotine.
Revolution, or death? It ultimately means: revolution = death. 
 This explains the mass extinction event in the Continental Congress.
In my study of history and philosophy...
...I've discovered that Nutella is not an effective substitute for shampoo.  Nietzsche was wrong!
...I have found that whenever one discusses progressivism or the ideas derivative of progressive politics, from Enlightenment Age philosophers whose ideas contributed to today's progressive revolution – Machiavelli, Descartes, Hobbes, Voltaire, Rousseau, Robespierre –
I didn't realize Machiavelli was considered a major Enlightenment Age philosopher.  I should get out more.  Or, if I hope to engage Ellis on a level intellectual plane, be shut in more.
...to the ideas concurrent with the advent of the progressive revolution in the 1880s – J.S. Mill, Marx, Social Darwinism, natural selection, survival of the fittest, eugenics (invented by Darwin's cousin Francis Galton) and Nietzsche's will to power and aristocracy paradigm – the leitmotiv is always the same: For the glory of the revolution, kill the inferior, cultivate the superior. 
I wonder if it's a good idea for Ellis to wade into Social Darwinism when he hasn't quite mastered Darwinism.
The early 20th century witnessed the classical age of Progressivism with books like Lenin's "The State and Revolution" (1917), Sanger's "The Pivot of Civilization" (1922), Hitler's "Mein Kampf" (1925), Freud's "The Future of an Illusion" (1927), Kinsey's "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" (1948) and Betty Friedan's classic, "The Feminine Mystique" (1948), among many others.
The Feminine Mystique was published in 1963, but what's 15 years to a scholar like Mr. Washington.  Especially since he believes that Genesis is literally true, so humanity (and the cosmos) only go back about 6,000 years, which means we have to pack an awful lot of history into very little time, and things like the Renaissance and the Enlightenment are just going to need to have happened simultaneously.  Also the Roman Empire and dinosaurs, which I wish were true, because it really would have spiced up I, Claudius.
The common objective in these diabolical books is promoting the ideals of the progressive revolution. Whether it is the end justifies the means, for the greater good, survival of the fittest, God is dead, a New World Order, first brown, then red, "is" (legality) over "ought"(morality) – all end in death for the individual and genocide for most of society. 
Ellis thought feminism was a good idea until it committed genocide.  Now with all the dead individuals it's hard to find a date, especially for the major holidays.  
This genocide theme is reflected in the Georgia Guidestones. I first heard of this bizarre monument while watching Jesse Ventura's TV show, "Conspiracy Theory." 
I'm impressed.  Usually WorldNetDaily articles don't bother with citations.
The Georgia Guidestones is a large granite monument in Elbert County, Ga., near Athens. A message comprising 10 guides is inscribed in eight modern languages, and a shorter message is inscribed at the top of the structure in four ancient languages' scripts: Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit and Egyptian hieroglyphs. 
Speaking of citations, that's a word for word quote from Wikipedia, so take a lesson, Historians.  When you're doing history, make sure that you -- like Ellis -- have at least three primary sources, such as the Bible, Wikipedia, and Jesse Ventura. 
The Message of the Georgia Guidestones reads:
  1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.

  2. Guide reproduction wisely – improving fitness and diversity.

  3. Unite humanity with a living new language. 

  4. Rule passion – faith – tradition – and all things with tempered reason. 

  5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts. 

  6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.

  7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials. 

  8. Balance personal rights with social duties. 

  9. Prize truth – beauty – love – seeking harmony with the infinite. 

  10. Be not a cancer on the earth – Leave room for nature – Leave room for nature.
Nobody knows who wrote the inscription -- nor, for that matter, who paid a contractor to put up the granite manifesto -- but a close analysis of the text reveals that it's probably an eco-friendly, pro-choice libertarian Tea Partier with a yen for gardening and Esperanto.
Clearly, this  Hillbilly Stonehenge is Ground Zero for the Final Conflict.  Armegeddon will break out in Elbert County, Georgia, so if you were planning to get to the Dress Barn to pick up some after-Valentines Day bargains, I'd get a move on.
Interestingly, Ventura's show was about global warming. What does global warming have to do with cutting down the world population by 93 percent, from 7 billion to 500 million? How would socialists, progressives and globalists achieve such genocide? Who would decide who lives and who dies? When would this diabolical scheme begin … or has it already begun?
This is what I imagine it'd be like playing Trivial Pursuit with the Mel Gibson character from Conspiracy Theory.
It was an epiphany moment for me. 
[C]ould the Georgian Guidestones be a blueprint for a future progressive utopia where the majority of the world's population is eradicated while the progressive elites live and rule in peace?
You'd think if the progressive elites had drawn up blueprints for world conquest, they could also have figured out a way to make them more portable.  These monoliths are going to be hard to pass out at meetings.
Geologist Dr. Leuren Moret informed Ventura of the uranium that occurs naturally in bedrock groundwater: "Since uranium is an estrogen and a hormone disrupter, the female population is expanding and the male population is shrinking."
Given that Jesse took steroids, I think he's just making the uranium a scapegoat for male shrinkage.
Moret continues, "The plastic that the water's in, the bottle, has chemicals that change the estrogen and the testosterone. In other words, chemicals in our bodies are related to reproduction. It's killing our future generations. It's the unborn baby that is being most affected."
So as you can see, Elbert County's one tourist attraction is going to destroy all life on Earth.
Guess who is making all of the plastic bottles for America's drinking water? Communist China.
 ... Notice how every major progressive policy – from perpetual wars, the welfare state, eugenics, condoms, abortion, to legalizing drugs, embryonic stem cells, euthanasia and Obamacare with its death panels, is specifically designed to defeat Natural Law and God's original intent that mankind is the pinnacle of creation.
You've convinced me.  I'm going to immediately stop drinking uranium smoothies out of my plastic Chinese Sippy cup.
How can we stop Lenin and the progressive revolution during the Age of Obama from breaking more eggs for their omelets?
We can make them switch to Egg Beaters®!  Although Lenin is wily, and may not be that concerned about his cholesterol, since he's been dead for 87 years.
 When all men of good will start being fruitful, multiply, replenish, subdue and have dominion over the earth … and remember the lessons of the Georgia Guidestones.
I wonder how big Ellis's family is?  He's never mentioned a wife or children that I can recall, but I'm sure he'd never violate Natural Law by failing to be fruitful.

Oh well.  The important thing is, Don't Knock the Rock, and cultivate a BDSM relationship with the Earth (my safe word is "igneous.")

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The "Smother, May I?" Edition

MOONDOGGIE:  Finally!  I've got the pillow on the couch allllll to my...wait a second...why does my head suddenly feel like it's upholstered in cat ass?

RILEY:  Listen, man, you don't want to get involved in this.  Just walk away, man!


RILEY:  Yeah, Mr. Creamsicle's gonna take my couch pillow...I don't think so...

MOONDOGGIE:  You know, this is actually pretty comfortable.  Except I can't feel my cheek anymore...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Meet the Latest Robin of Berkeley


Okay, so maybe Adam Yoshida isn't an adequate substitute for Robin. For one thing, he doesn't whine constantly about his victimization by people who don't give him plastic bags for his tampons. And for another, he doesn't make crusades out of hiding from Trick or Treaters.

So, American Thinker had to come up with somebody else. Enter Ray Gross. And here are some excerpts from his maiden Think.

Sarah and the San Francisco Poster Wars
I am gay. I live in San Francisco. For the last few years I've had a terrible secret, one I felt necessary to hide from hateful and intolerant people. Who would these people be, and what am I hiding?

I am hiding from the Liberal Left. I am hiding that I'm a conservative.
Comes from the Bay area? Check! Hiding that he's a conservative from the liberal forces who would send him to re-education camp if his secret came out? Check! Plus, he's gay!!! That beats being a licensed psychotherapist hands down, especially since nobody can report you to the gay licensing board for conduct not befitting a homosexual, based on your columns.

Oh, and Roy also loves Sarah Palin just as much as Robin does ... and MORE!
With my new awareness of myself and the world around me, I decided to keep my eyes open for someone I can trust, someone who represents truth, honesty, goodness, and above all, strength of character.

Enter Sarah Palin. The moment I heard her speak, I knew she was special.
Um, not like Trig is special, but special in that the fine people of Berkeley San Fransisco regularly hang her in effigy or something.
There was an unmistakable honesty and strength about her. All hell broke loose on the left when she entered the scene. The ferociousness and vileness of the attacks towards her comforted me because I know how the left operates. She was telling the truth, and in doing so was exposing the underlying falsehoods of their belief system.
They believed that North Korea was our enemy, but Sarah exposed this for the lie it is by just being her!

Anyway, much like Robin's secret mission to bring down the Left by saying "Bless You" when people sneeze, Roy has his own covert operation to make the world a Righter place.
At the crack of dawn I went to that fence, and pasted over the vile and angry posters of Governor Palin with another poster. A poster of Sarah, with hands clasped in front of her looking up in prayerful thanks, her smile genuine, her eyes sparkling. Behind her is the same sunburst design found on a well known Harvey Milk poster from the seventies.
Yes, it's the ascension of Sarah. Or, it's Sarah in the middle of nuclear testing at Ground Zero. Anyway, Ray is now Saved. Saved by the power of Sarah. Can I get an amen?
Standing in front of these new posters I felt hope and power. I felt proud, not only of the beautiful message of Sarah's image, but I felt proud of myself. Proud of how far I had come from the days of my old cocoon of ignorance and intolerance to my present place of self awareness.
And this is just one of the miracles performed by Saint Sarah of Alaska. I think she is ready for the beatification committee.

Look on Me, Ye Mighty, and Despair

Poor Dr. Professor Mike Adams, Ph.D. He couldn't find any foes to tilt at this week (all of the usual feminists, hippies, gays, transgendered individuals, atheists, university employees, and other imaginary suspects were apparently too busy to play with him), so he's reduced to devoting a whole column to lambasting somebody who posted a negative comment about one of his Townhall pieces. Sad, really.
Dear Allison:

I read with great interest your recent comment on one of my columns, which was posted on TownHall.com. In the post, you claimed that I had experienced a “sychotic [sic] breakdown” shorty after receiving tenure, which, in your opinion, explains my tendency to lambast the academic left in my weekly column.

Of course, the gist of Dr. Mike's response is that Allison can't spell. The rest of it is about how he started hearing voices, which led to him becoming the misogynistic wretch we all know and love.

But the hissiest part of the fit was directed at Allison's lack of understanding about how greatly he is hated:
Finally, Allison, I noticed that you claimed that I am hated by hundreds, if not thousands, of people for the material I publish in my columns. You also predicted that my life would be cut short by one of my enemies – that I would meet an “untimely death” as a result of my columns. I have two problems with your ill-considered remarks.

First of all, I am hated by millions, not by mere hundreds or thousands. And I am damned proud of it. Second, I do not think it is wise for you to make veiled threats against my life given that I own more guns than the armies of several third world nations. I am not concerned about an “untimely death” unless, of course, I see Hillary Clinton without make-up and subsequently have a massive coronary. So I’ll keep making fun of liberals and the Muslim extremists that they coddle.

Sorry, Dr, Mike, but my guess is that you're hated by maybe a couple of dozen people (they would be those who know you personally. You annoy a few hundred more. And maybe a few hundred others find you amusing in a perverse kind of way. But you are totally unknown to millions. Yes, millions of people don't care if you live or die. So, do whichever one you want.

And I am also sorry to inform you that your guns will not help save you from the "untimely death" you might experience as a result of your columns -- for the odds are that you'll get yourself so worked up trying to annihilate some 15-year-old who said something rude about one of your column that you'll stroke out.

But hey, maybe you can challenge a couple of third world nations to a duel (so you can use that arsenal), and die with your boots on. It's good to have goals.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

This Explains Everything!

Okay, so I go over to American Thinker to see what the brain trust has been thinking about. Which, it turns out, is mostly how President Obama is trying to destroy America because that's what his reptilian alien masters want him to do. However, in the table of contents I note a column that sounds promising (for Wo'C purposes): "America's Most Dangerous Law."

Knowing the wingnuts as I do, I suspect that this is a rant against the law that prohibits shooting the homosexual activists who are forcing clergymen to find buff young men so attractive, or something of that nature. But I was wrong. It's actually an expose of the danger posed by the Presidential Succession Act of 1947, and how it will doom us all in the event of a Red Dawn.

The author's point is that if the President and the Vice President both die when Washington, D.C. is nuked, then having the Speaker of the House (followed by the President Pro Tempore of the Senate) take over as leader of the free world is a mistake, since this will lead to a situation where "someone in his or her 80's or 90's is likely to be the third in line to take up the presidency," so the Prez won't be much good at fighting the Commies mano a mano. And then, once the old guys expire following their attempts at besting Fidel in a knife fight, we will have to go to Congress to designate an "officer" of United States to take over the Commander in Chief role. And that will have Congress squabbling about whether members of the House and/or Senate are really officers, and then they will demand to see certified copies of birth certificates of anybody being considered for the job, which will waste a heck of a lot of time, what with so many public records being incinerated and such. And if we have to wait for Congress to sort things out, we're ALL DOOMED!
In other words, if a nuclear attack destroys the Capitol during the State of the Union and the "designated survivor" - say the Secretary of Energy -- is sworn in as the acting president, then afterwards a new Congress (or a handful of survivors of the old Congress) might assemble and elect a new Speaker who could then attempt to claim the Presidency. It is not difficult to imagine, especially if an attack had unleashed violent passions over, say, the use of nuclear weapons to retaliate or the scale of a foreign war, the former Secretary attempting to hold onto the presidency by asserting the unconstitutionality of congressional succession.

So, the author recommends "passing a new Presidential Succession Act that allows the President, pursuant to the advice and consent of the Congress, to designate a list of individuals who would then become the President in the event of a double vacancy." My feeling is that this would undoubtedly eat up a lot of Congress's time (how many laws are they going to get passed while they debate whether Bill Ayers and Satan belong on the list), and would cause a lot of hard feelings and awkward moments in Cabinet meetings when various advisers learn they rank behind Bo, the White House dog (or worse, aren't on the list at all). But maybe the law could just specify using the the President's Friends and Family Calling Plan list, in order of seniority, to speed things along.

Anyway, while this law isn't something I've given a lot of thought to (and I don't plan on doing so any time in the future), I have to applaud this wingnut for coming up with an original topic for his American Thinker debut (for this is indeed his first Think). So, kudos to you, Adam Yoshida!

Wait . . .I feel a stirring in the force, a presence I haven't sensed in some years. Could this be THE Adam Yoshida? You know, Canada's answer to Ann Coulter, if the question is, "What if Ann was an unemployed, doughy guy in his twenties who lived in his parents' basement and thought up crazy ideas to make America the Muslim-killing, McCarthyite paradise God intended it to be?"

Could it really be him? I checked his old fallout shelter, "The online home of Adam Yoshida, the most right-wing person in all of Canada," but it is still the way I remember it: untouched for years (insert joke here). But if you go to Google, you find a new, fresh, Adam Yoshida blog, one with just the American Thinker column for content. And then you'll notice (and this is the eerie part) the restful row of trees, the quiet lane, the peaceful sheep in the banner at the top of the page ... and you'll realize it's THE SAME BANNER USED BY ROBIN OF BERKELEY in her blog!!!

So, let's consider the facts: promising young wingnut Adam Yoshida arises from the decent liberal folk of Canada, flares into the sight of such blogs as this one, Sadly, No!, and other wise guys, and then, poof, he is gone. Then, in 2010, a new wingnut appears fully formed from the head of Zeus, claiming to be an ultra-conservative forced to live in hippie-dippie land, and she provides us with long hectoring columns about how America should run its business. And then she doesn't have a column in American Thinker last week. And this new Adam Yoshida does. And Adam's new blog has Robin's banner!!! Coincidence? You be the judge.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Technical Difficulties Edition

"Do you mind?  I'm watching my stories."

"Kick his ass, Walker Texas Ranger!

"Oh oh...I think my brain just crashed."

Thursday, February 10, 2011

He's Baaa-ack!

It seems that Pastor Swank has either fallen into a time warp, or he been surreptitious refusing his meds. Anyway, he's back to dealing with the Muslim threat (and this time it's presidential)!
Obama as Muslim
America Talks reports that Barack Obama was reared as an Islamic, though Obama discounts that, and understandably so now that he is seeking the US presidency.
Should we break it to the Pastor that's it's now 2011 and Barack has been President for over two years? No? Okay. then let's hear what Pastor Swank has to add to this well-known wingnut urban legend (or "nuturbleg", as I think it should be abbreviated).
Nevertheless, researchers have revealed his Muslim childhood.
What researchers, you ask? None of your business! Just researchers! Researchers who need to remain anonymous in order to keep them safe from their enemies. But I've already said too much.
One of the main influences came from his stepfather in Indonesia. There as a Muslim, Obama spent "at least four years in a Madrassa, or Muslim seminary. A source close to the investigation said 'He was a Muslim, but he concealed it.'"
Obama was so dedicated to this deception that he kept his Muslim affiliation secret even from the Madrassa.
His Muslim father gave Obama his middle name: Hussein. Barack rarely uses that name in public, particularly in America where he is in contest for the White House.
A contest with George Bush, Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon.
After his parents' divorce (his father, being black, came from Kenya),
Because all black people have to come from Kenya. Its the law.
Obama's mother wedded an Indonesian student. Of course, Indonesia is a blatant Muslim country.
You'd think they'd have the grace to at least TRY to keep this under wraps. But no, they make no effort to hide their Muslim shame, and won't even attend Christian services on Easter and Christmas.
According to US Intelligence, the nation is composed of primarily Muslim schools that teach legalistic Islam — Wahhabbi.
And because Indonesia is a nation composed primarily of schools, it obviously has some economic problems. Housing is tight, and several families may share a classroom, sleeping in those little desks and surviving on graham crackers, milk, and paste. Indonesia's only export is teachers dirty looks. The country's only national resource is the Japanese horseradish, wasabi. It's no wonder that having a step-father from there caused Obama to plot the overthrow of the U.S.
That particular segment of Islam is especially harsh, Koran-abiding, and following the law of the cult to the nth degree.
Which is horrible! But if you substitute "Christianity" for "Islam, and "Bible" for "Koran," then you are talking about the ideal we should all aspire to.
The schools receive moneys from Saudi Arabia that in kind is laden with Wahhabbi Muslims.
Well no WONDER Indonesia is rife with Wahhabbis, if the moneys they receive from Saudi Arabia is laden with them!
When understanding that this was Obama's childhood teaching, one then can understand how he could live twenty years with a screaming, anti-American mentor such as Jeremiah Wright.
That Obama cohabited with Wright for 20 years is one of those secret facts that the crack team of covert researchers uncovered. But don't ask how!
Obama found what he needed: the cultic Muslim cadence from Wright's pulpit plus membership in a Protestant denomination. With that membership, he could say that he is "Christian." He also could relate that he found Jesus there.
He related that in an effort to throw off the FBI's search for Jesus, who had last been seen in the company of sinners in a bad part of town.
That Jesus, by the way, is not the Bible's Jesus. It is the Muslim Jesus, the latter considered merely a prophet, not the divine incarnation. If Obama had met the Bible's Jesus, Obama would not be supporting anti-biblical morality such as abortion and sodomy.
And if Pastor Swank had met the Bible's Jesus, then maybe Jesus could have expelled the confused-thought demons that are afflicting him -- or escorted the Pastor back to his doctor's office for some follow-up care.
Further, the United Church of Christ (Congregational) will permit everything preached but orthodox biblical teaching. It does not adhere to the Bible as divine revelation. That denomination considers each person writing his own holy writ. Therefore, that denomination endorses same-sex recreation and abortion as well as relativism in ethics — that is, situation ethics.
Of course, decent congregations prohibit same-sex recreation, such abominations as little league baseball, Cub Scout pinewood derbies, and Girl Scout campfire sing-alongs. And same-sex abortion is just such an unthinkable act that of COURSE the United Church of Christ would allow it.
Obama then becomes a member of a denomination that permits each member to write his own religion. At the same time he has a "pastor" who preaches as a mosque cleric.

All this meshes with how he had been reared as a Muslim.

He marries Michelle, lawyer, of like mind.
She wasn't reared as a Muslim, but being a lawyer makes her just as bad.
They both are well educated, members of a Protestant church and rise to the top with good looks, charm and a suave demeanor. But in fact they are closet Muslims, part of the sleeper cells current in the United States.
Well-educated, professional, Protestant, good-looking, charming, suave, closet Muslims pose the greatest threat to this nation that we have ever faced! Be on the alert for sleeper cells of them in YOUR neighborhood.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Kevin McCullough: Why Rinse and Spit When I Can Just Swallow?

Speaking of Townhall and its deep bench of the deeply disturbed, you may remember our old friend Kevin McCullough, leader (and apparently sole member) of a neo-tough guy movement called the Throbbing ManHead Rebellion, or the Steroidal Scalp Insurrection, or something like that.

These days Kev hosts a weekend radio show with one of the lesser Baldwin brothers -- Gummo, I think -- but he still finds times to indulge his eco-friendly hobby of building pre-fabricated snits out of recycled hoaxes.
Why Are You Connected to Human Traffickers?
I believe it was due to a typo in my Friends and Family plan.
When it comes to your own personal beliefs about slavery, sex traffic, and the exploitation of children, do you realize that you are involved in those practices?
No, but as soon as I have that sentence translated into English, I intend to become outraged about it.
These are the most revolting realities in existence today and you are playing a significant role in keeping them going.
Well look, when you're juggling dozens of realities, one or two of them are bound to get a little dystopic.
It doesn't matter if you call yourself conservative, liberal, progressive, atheist, or evangelical, YOU are playing a role in the fate of nearly 3,000 children in New York City and tens of thousands most other cities across the United States. 
Thanks to the greed and cruelty of Planned Parenthood, these child laborers are sent deep into unsafe and poorly ventilated uteri to mine for zygotes.
You are keeping them enslaved. You are insuring the depression, emotional stuntedness, and in some cases early suicide that is present in so many of these otherwise innocent children.
Just curious, but is "early suicide" anything like "premature ejaculation"?  And what happens if your suicide is late?  Do they get to keep the deposit?

But this reminds us of when Kevin mused that the suicide of gay teen Tyler Clementi was maybe a good thing:  "Perhaps Tyler had a genuinely sensitive conscience, perhaps he had great respect for both his family and his God, perhaps he felt ashamed of actions because he knew they were immoral. Hence a completely different narrative could be told, one that encourages young people towards moral choices."
This was all brought home again this week in the release of five new undercover videos, each of which demonstrated that our tax dollars are being used to break the law by aiding and abetting traffickers.
On the bright side, my tax dollars aren't being used to enable tendentious, lying nitwits with a shaky grasp of iMovie.
Worse yet the organization that you are funding receives upwards of $363 million dollars a year from you, and allows the full range of the services they provide to assist sex traffickers. 
Among the full range of services Planned Parenthood provides to sex traffickers is insurance, brake relining, payday loans, non-surgical hair replacement, stump removal, and custom window treatments.
LiveAction.org and it's president Lila Rose spent most of last week making the progressive left in America so angry, that several of them threatened violence against the organization that is attempting to protect innocent human life. How very tolerant of the one who scream "tolerance" at every turn. 
 Hey, it's the return of the old You O So "Tolerant" Liberals Are Intolerant of My Intolerance gambit!  Sure, some people may say it's a wizened, gristly, played-out old whore, but I say the Classics are evergreen.
(Except now in the lives of underage children.) 
Overage children, however, can fend for themselves, the creepy, parasitic bastards.  I don't know what it is, but there''s just something about a 40-year old man in a Buster Brown costume that makes my gorge rise.
Live Action has through very meticulous undercover investigation exposed the actions of those that run these facilities. What the video tapes demonstrate is that multiple clinics operated by Planned Parenthood plainly engage in the cover up of direct knowledge of sex trafficking.
Apparently, it's now a crime to keep a straight face.
And thus far on five different tapes, five specific instances of law breaking occurred by not immediately reporting the trafficking they became aware of.
Actually, Planned Parenthood did contact the authorities, including the FBI, but in retrospect the clinic workers should have pulled a gun while Lila was still prattling on and blazed away until she was just a nitwit-shaped stained on the wall.
Jhemu Green and other feminist pundits immediately went on cable television to attempt to indict the motives of Live Action.
Which even I admit is unfair.  Someone can deceptively edit video footage and doctor audio to deliberately create the false impression of a crime being committed, and still have the best of intentions.
Choosing to focus on "medical" services other than the abortions they provide, the Planned Parenthood supporters had a very tough time describing compelling situations that would prove a woman's needs for a local Planned Parenthood clinic in their community. 
 What sort of "medical" needs do women have that are so darned special?  When their ladypart goes on the fritz, they can just seal it up with cement, like that tree with the hole in it near Boo Radley's house.
Ms. Green, an African-American woman, should be ashamed of herself.
Because as far as Kevin's concerned, there's nothing more shameful than being a Negress.    
Planned Parenthood was founded by the racist Margaret Sanger with her sole intention to be the elimination of children in black neighborhoods.
That's why she established her first clinic in the Jewish Brownsville neighborhood of Brooklyn.  She was trying to lull the black folks into a false sense of fecundity. 
It is by no mistake that the majority of Planned Parenthood clinics are planted in urban centers in the middle of ethnic neighborhoods. 
It does seem suspicious that a low cost clinic catering to poor women who can't afford private medical care would be situated in a city, rather than an exurban bedroom community.  I bet these underprivileged teens would enjoy a long bus ride into the country; it would give them a chance to work on the timing of their suicide.
Ms. Green, in appearing on Fox News, claimed that the nation's primary abortion provider had developed an important and trusted "special relationship" with young women who are looking for birth control. 

But Ms. Green since 7 out of 10 African American conceptions is brought about in illegitimacy and 8 out of 10 of those end in the termination of the unborn child's life, it seems your premise falls flat before it passes your lips. 
Except:  "[T]he birth rate for unmarried black women is--and has been--declining. In 1970 the birth rate for unmarried black women was 96 per 1,000. In 1980, it was 87.9. In 2005 it was 60.6. There is a huge spike in the late 1980s, but the overal trend is clear--the birth rate for unmarried black women has been declining for almost 40 years...The birth rate...has declined way more for married black women than it has for married white women."

So apparently Planned Parenthood's "trusted 'special relationship' with young women who are looking for birth control" is still more productive than Kevin's relationship with people who are looking for actual facts.
But even if you accept the feminist's false premise, does that in some perverted way justify the willingness that Planned Parenthood clinics are demonstrating, in the release of the undercover videos, towards the greatest moral blight of our time--the willful underage trafficking of minors for sexual exploitation?
Right.  Of course, Planned Parenthood reported the made-up crimes to the U.S. Attorney General, but Lila's inept scam aside, here's what I'm wondering, Kevin...If Planned Parenthood exists to traffic in child sex slaves, then why would they perform abortions at all?  That's like a plantation owner setting fire to his own cotton.  If they were serious about this enterprise, PP would lure pregnant teens into their clinics, steal the fetuses, and then raise them on their sex farms.
No Ms. Green, no Planned Parenthood, no American progressives, and no self-hating blacks who refuse to speak truth, no... it does not justify the taking of innocent children, chaining them to a wall, and making them perform sexually until pregnant--and then securing a partially state-subsidized abortion (as Mitt Romney's health care plan allows in Massachusetts, and as President Obama's health care plan allows through backdoor options.) 
I have to admit, I truly admire the way Kevin can take a single falsehood, and let it germinate inside his noggin until it blossoms into a fantasy so febrile and fetishistic that it likely would have been dismissed by the '70s-era John Waters as "a little too weird."
The slush fund that has become the tax-payer vacuum shoot to Planned Parenthood must end. 
But let's not chute the messenger.
Not that Planned Parenthood ever qualified as "health care assistance" to begin with. 
After all, a woman's reproductive organs are called "plumbing," aren't they, so it's really more like "maintenance," or "pipe-fitting."
The truth is they are an activist group, advocating and encouraging robust sexual activity in teens
Sometimes from the foot of the bed.  With a megaphone.
sometimes as young as junior high, and supplying abortions for anyone, under (obviously) any circumstances. 
 I got one myself last Christmas, although predictably my dad and uncles were the ones who wound up playing with it around the tree, and I had to make do with my sister's Lite Brite.

Our Deepest Sympathies

Pioneering and much-beloved Crapper actor212 -- raconteur, sub-aquatic photographer extraordinaire, and all around mensch -- suffered a loss a couple of days ago when his mother passed away.  On behalf of all his friends here, I just wanted to let Carl know that we're thinking of him, and wish him all the best.

If you have a moment, you can click here and leave him a message.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Two and a Half Men, a Pot and a Kettle, and a Crazy Woman


Thanks heavens for Town Hall! Because otherwise we would never know that Charlie Sheen has a substance abuse problem, and then we'd watch "Two and a Half Men" is total ignorance of the lead actor's personal issues.

No, wait, we would never watch that show, so never mind.

Well, as long as we're passing through Town Hall's mean streets, let's check in with Rachel Marsden, a "columnist with Human Events Magazine, and Editor-In-Chief of GrandCentralPolitical News Syndicate," who is also crazy.

Charlie Sheen and Toxic Fame

Most of the people who still watch TV aren't surfing the Internet and seeing all this news about Sheen having sex with paid help and absorbing his paycheck through permanent and temporary orifices.
Because it's not like there are approximately 529,107 hours of television each week devoted to this kind of "news." I mean, we'd have to live in a world with daily programs like "TMZ," "Entertainment Tonight," "E! News," "Nancy Grace," "Joy Behar," etc. in order for the average TV viewer to learn about the misdeeds of celebrities from the boob tube. And in a Christian nation like America that could never happen!
Sheen is enough of a pro to pull it together to read some lines written by someone else. But try the following line on your grandma (assuming she's a fan of Sheen's show): "Hey grandma, did you know that one of the 'Two and a Half Men' has track marks on his arm under his yuppie wardrobe, was reenacting porn films with call girls last night, and has a nose like the guy's from the Operation game when the weezers hit the side?"

Both of my grandmas thankfully died before they had to learn the tragic truth about Sheen, but I dare you to try this out on your grandma. I betcha you can give her a heart attack with such shocking info! Or maybe she'll just tell you about the porn movies that Charlie was allegedly reenacting. I mean, you know your grandma better than Rachel and I do.

But let's assume she's one of those grandmas who tries to avoid lurid, tawdry gossip, and unpleasant tales of other people's bad behavior. You know, a lady with class. We can then probably also assume that she's no fan of "Three and a Half Men." But maybe she is. If so, then she is probably familiar with the character "Rose," a dark-haired, seriously disturbed woman who criminally stalks the character played by Sheen on a regular basis. Okay, now tell Grandma the Rachel Marsden story, and then ask her if she thinks Rose was based on Rachel's life. Way to terrorize poor, old Grandma!

Now, let's see how Rachel thinks your Grandma will react to the news that Charlie Sheen is just as skeevy as the guy he plays on TV.

"No! You do not say that about that Martin Sheen's lovely boy!" she'll say. You see, the Sheen family is in her house twice a week, between 'The West Wing' DVDs starring dad Martin you bought her and Charlie Sheen's sitcom. You don't speak that way about grandma's two best friends after Katie Couric and Brian Williams!
Um, if Grandma thinks that Katie Couric and Brian Williams are her friends, then maybe it's time to send her to that "home" you've been talking about.

Sheen has been married and divorced four times. I'm not qualified to pass judgment, because obviously I don't know the people or circumstances involved.
Lessee, how many psycho relationships has Rachel been in so far? There was the swim coach, the professor, the radio personality, the Mountie, and the Wikipedia jerk -- am I forgetting any? So, if we are looking for a jury of his peers, Rachel would be more than qualified to pass judgment on Charlie's love life. Way, way more than qualified.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Sexorcist

You remember Father Thomas Euteneuer, the super star pro-life priest who was so Catholic that he chided Sean Hannity for being a heretic? Yes, he was also the jet-setting exorcist who helped hundreds of troubled women until he was abruptly recalled from demon duty. As noted by our chief Vatican correspondent Chris Vosburg, on Feb. 2 Father Tom issued a statement to "set the record straight." But it didn't really. So, here is our attempt to help Father Tom to confess.

"The vast majority of my decisions and conduct, both personally and in this ministry, were morally sound" except for that time when I violated "the boundaries of chastity with an adult female who was under my spiritual care."

Even though it's, you know, technically wrong for a priest to have sex, especially with those whom are under his spiritual care, I am really ticked at those "crackpots" on the internet who criticized my conduct. "I can only say that I am shocked to the depths of my being at the malicious efforts by supposedly faithful Catholics to destroy a priest who has served the Church faithfully" [except for that one time when I had totally consensual sex with someone who thought she was possessed] "for 22 years."

I would just bear my cross in silence, except that it hurts the faithful when people say bad things about a great guy like me.

"I therefore affirm and will never deviate from my affirmation that the following are true:

"My violations of chastity were limited to one person only, an adult woman," [...] but did not involve the sexual act." Of course, this affirmation depends on how you define "sex," "one," and "true."

"The accusation that I 'targeted' vulnerable women or otherwise sought them out for spiritual direction is utterly false and a serious defamation of my character and ministry." My exorcism ministry did NOT target the vulnerable in any way. No siree! Just the possessed!

"With rare exceptions, my exorcism/prayer ministry was always conducted with prayer helpers (third parties)" except when "I believed it was necessary for me to act quickly." Hey, guys, you can relate to that!

"I never, under any circumstances, solicited money for the ministry other than travel-related reimbursements," like for airline tickets, four-star hotels, new traveling robes, gold-plated exorcism crosses, etc. Also, "any gifts offered to me were unsolicited and only accepted so as not to offend the giver," just like Baby how Jesus didn't refuse the Wise Men's gold because it would have hurt their feelings.

Plus, it is a big fib that I keep a possessed woman at my parent's house.

So, in conclusion, you should be ashamed of yourself for having had uncharitable thoughts about me.

With that, the matter is ended. Or not . . . .

Cut to today's Palm Beach Post:

A Catholic exorcist did not reveal all of his "inappropriate" relationships with women, according to his former employer.

In a statement released Wednesday, Human Life International said that more women came forward with allegations against the Rev. Thomas Euteneuer, its president for 10 years.

"Since the time of Rev. Euteneuer's resignation, the board subsequently learned of additional allegations in connection with his exorcism ministry," the Human Life International statement said.
Which is pretty much what Tom O'Toole, the Renew America columnist who spilled the beans on the Father, had said.

And then there's this article:
The Internet crescendo peaked in the wake of a Jan. 27th medical emergency at HLI's Front Royal, Virginia headquarters described by emergency medical responders as a "medical seizure" and by some witnesses as a "demonic
possession" of a past female associate of Father Euteneuer's.
Wow, so there are possessed people working for Human Life International??? And this one is a "past female associate" of the Father's?" I guess she must be one of those repossessed women that we heard about before.
Anyway, with news that the Discovery Channel is teaming with the Vatican to make a series called "the Exorcist Files," dealing with real, true exorcisms, I bet they could use some suggestions about who could play Father Tom and some script ideas.

UPDATE: Although Roger Ailes came up with the same title for his post on this subject, this only proves that Roger and I are like the Corsican Brothers.

Happy Super Ronald Reagan Bowl!


In honor of the Gipper's 100th, we direct you to this very interesting feature from our friend, Mr. Thrilling Days of Yesteryear, about Ronald Reagan, B-movie star (which is the way we like to think of the former President). Ivan notes the ties between the film pictured to the left with Ronnie's Star Wars program, which explains a lot.
Also, did you know that if you do a Google image search for "Murder in the Air," an ad for Alaska Air comes up first? Just something to think about.

Dying to Get Out the Vote

Our buddy Chris Vosburg writes to say that Hollywood is apparently taking tips from Cook County, Illinois, and has started granting suffrage to stiffs:
Although I've been an absentee balloter for more than fifteen years now, I'm nevertheless always duly apprised by mail of the nearest polling place for upcoming elections. Although this time it's just local stuff-- a handful of proposed city charter amendments, school board members and such-- I may actually show up in person at my designated polling place, for the first time in fifteen years. Why? Because this:



I've never heard of a cemetery volunteering to serve as such, although the often-alleged proximity of so many registered voters does make it seem a natural fit, I guess.

Of course, if you're familiar with the recent history of the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, you'll find it not all that surprising. As you may know, since rescuing the foreclosed and neglected site in 1998 for the drop-dead bargain price of $375,000, Forever Enterprises has been putting the "fun" back in "funeral" ever since by hosting a series of community outreach (FROM THE GRAVE!) projects such as the summer film series in which appropriately themed classic horror movies are shown on warm Saturday nights in an outdoor setting to picnicking graveside viewers, and a jolly little Dia de Los Muertos festival (in November, naturally).

Definitely the liveliest cemetery I know of. Isn't Hollywood wonderful?
Well, considering right wingers are still bitching about Daley stealing Illinois from Nixon in 1960, I can't imagine they'd be thrilled about extending the franchise to dead elitists.  Oh sure, there's the odd  reactionary remains to carry the Breitbartian banner; friendly HUAC witness Adolphe Menjou is buried in the Lake Section of Hollywood Forever, for instance, but I bet his vote would be canceled out by neighboring corpse and Committee for the First Amendment co-founder John Huston.  And John Wayne's body is a'molderin' in Pacific View Mortuary down in Orange County, so he wouldn't even be eligible to vote for L.A. school board members.  Suck it, Big Hollywood!

Thanks for on-the-spot reportage, Chris, and please give my regards to Hattie McDaniel's cenotaph.

Friday, February 4, 2011

The Cult of Sarah Palin



Yeah, per the wingnuts, not only was Sarah born free of the stain of original sin, but all of her children (Bristol, Nascar, Holiday Inn, Exxon, and Trigonometry) were virgin births. At least, that seems to be the underlying message of many of their columns.

Take, for instance, this Renew America column by Pastor Swank wannabe Reverend Michael Bresciani: 7 reasons America needs Sarah Palin in 2012

Michael starts his column by explaining why many of the other probably Republican presidential nominees are out of the running (too obscure, too fat, too Mormon). He then claims that most Americans are too busy and too stupid to ascertain the best person for the job anyway. So, we should just let Michael pick the candidate for us, and he picks Sarah! And here's why:
1. The simplest howbeit most important reason Sarah Palin is the best choice for President in 2012 is because she is not Barack Obama.
Then again, neither is Lindsay Lohan, so maybe we should be considering her for the job.
2. The second reason is because she has the most exposure of all the candidates.
Except for Lindsay Lohan, of course.
While Obama may attempt to raise a billion bucks for his campaign treasury Sarah has been climbing into the view and the hearts of millions of Americans
So, that's what that was! I thought it was fatty arterial plaque.
... though her work with the Tea Party, the mid-terms and her TV series on Alaska not to mention her two books, both well received throughout the nation.
"Well-received" = "Shipped to book stores throughout America, remaindered, chopped into mulch, and then enjoyed by slugs and earthworms everywhere."
3. Although it could easily be misconstrued on the most fundamental level Sarah will make a good candidate on her appearance.
Yes, while this may be misconstrued by those who think it's superficial to vote for a candidate based on appearance, these people are probably also against the plan to let each year's Miss America serve as Secretary of Defense.
She is a lovely person that for many typifies the classic beauty of the American Woman. In a world where appearance counts for much she has it all.
Ears, hair, skin, glasses, breasts: she has it all!
She is beautiful, well poised and dignified at all times. She would be a credit to the nation in the company of other world leaders
They would certainly let her into the World Leaders Club if she could only wow them with her talent number and win the swimsuit competition.
...and would certainly be respected for her manner, graceful charm and personality.
As long as she kept her mouth shut.
4. Sarah has faith in God. It would make some people more comfortable if this fact appeared at the end of the list or as an appendage to this piece but we must never forget that Christians still make up a majority of people here in the U.S.
And although most of the other people in the US believe in God, they don't believe in the RIGHT God or gods, so their votes shouldn't count.
The apostasy and the creeping liberal influences of the day notwithstanding, two out of three people say they have faith in God and his Son Jesus Christ.
And so, by extension, they have faith in Sarah Palin, who has taken over the role as the Holy Ghost.
5. Sarah Palin is well endowed
See Reason #3
... with what we know as character and integrity.
Which is why she quit her job as Governor once it got hard.
It is that stuff that Americans used to be satisfied with in our leaders even if they weren't the sharpest tool in the shed.
Yeah! Stupid people used to be good enough to lead us! It's only in our effete, liberal era that we want our President to be able to read and such.
Anyone with a nickels worth of intelligence knows that our Presidents don't run the office alone. The cabinet and staff are a major part of any single President's success. Palin can be trusted to surround herself with the very best and that is the best we can hope for.
So she will undoubtedly find her own Dick Cheney to run the office for her. Hey, the old Dick Cheney will probably be available in 2012, as long as nobody cares about the lack of heart beats and respiration!

But the bottom line is that while Sarah is not that smart, neither are many Americans. Don't they deserve a President of their peers?
6. Sarah's background and upbringing in one of the most rugged states in the country
A state where one can see Russia out of one's bathroom window, which automatically qualifies one as a foriegn affairs expert and at least a vice presidential candidate.
... along with her desire to make America less dependent on foreign oil will no doubt serve to guide her decisions around the environmental lobbyists, excessive EPA regulations and do what is right for the nation.
"Do right" = "Do away with all EPA regulations, gut Alaska for its oil reserves, and introduce Soylent Green as a alternative fuel source."
7. The seventh reason I believe Sarah would be the best choice in 2012 is because she is affording America a real chance to make history. She would become our first female President.
Again, may I propose Lindsay Lohan for the GOP 2012 ballot?
Obama made history as our first black President; unfortunately he is not a homeboy. He is not one of our very own up thru the ghetto or emerging from the civil rights movement kind of African American.
And if someone isn't born in a ghetto or wasn't part of the '60's civil rights movement, then they can't claim to be an African American, even if their father was African and they are American. But wait . . .
In fact a large contingent of Americans are still not satisfied that he was even born in America.
Next time we will examine Michael's column of today, in which he objects to us calling this contingent "crazy."
Sarah has been a wonderful mother,
Sure, daughter Bristol is a high school dropout and an unemployed, unwed mother, but it was through Sarah's example that Bristol found fulfillment through appearing on reality TV.
a good Governor
except for the scandal and corruption. Oh, and the part where she quit midterm.
and a great rallying force in America
Everybody loved those Tina Fey sketches!
since she was cast on the scene by John McCain in the 2008 race.
Sadly, she wasn't that great of a rallying force for John McCain, but since he only qualified for one of Michael's seven points, it's no wonder that he lost.
She can be the very best choice in 2012 for all of the above reasons and a long list of others too numerous to cover in one article.
Such as:

8. She could lead the nation in shooting the undead from a helicopter in the event of a zombie holocaust.

9. She won't waste a lot of time reading newspapers, so she'll have more time to send tweets to other heads of state.

10. She can give us all rides to the store in her snowmobile during the next big winter snow storm.

And many more.

Scott adds (after helpful editorial input from trashfire):

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Not Valid in Case of Zodiac Shift

Back in October Sheri gave my first name and birth date to a psychic named Jenna (I think she's the Bush Twin without the Toni), in an effort, I assume, to help me accept -- or even welcome -- Death.  But  since then, Jenna and I have developed a very close relationship, even though I've never responded to any of her emails.  Instead, we've communicated entirely through "strong vibrations...amplified through energy waves," which are much less likely to get caught in the Google Mail spam filter.

Unfortunately, due to poor braincell coverage in my area we're getting a lot of dropped thoughts, and Jenna has been forced to rely upon the primitive telecommunications system employed by Muggles, mundanes, and Ukrainian porn entrepreneurs.  Because she's worried about me...
I really am very worried about you Scott because I fear that you are simply waiting for things to happen without reacting even though some very important changes and chances are just within your reach. 
Stop looking into my soul!!
astrological configurations like you will be living through are very rare and your Transit will help you reach an important turning point in your life.
As long as you remember to ask for a transfer at Olympic Boulevard. This is the kind of Transit advice only Uranus can provide.
However for this to happen you must want this to happen because the Astral Bodies can offer you chances
...and lap dances. Astral Bodies is the premiere gentleman's club for men who are lonely and nostalgic for the Moon Race, but there's a $7 cover, and you can't touch the dancers because they're wearing space suits.
This is why things really aren't so complicated because you simply need to want these changes to take place and to ask me for this reading which will bring you all of the information which you need.
What if I want the changes, but I don't want the information? Can I substitute fruit cup, pudding, or the Cling peach and cottage cheese salad?
I cannot repeat this enough
I beg to differ.
I must remind you that you will have the chance to make an important move in your love life and to obtain a very important job for you and.
For me and...period? Hm, I foresee a kind of buddy cop film, in which I team up with a gruff old Ampersand only days away from retirement. Call it...Bullet Point, or maybe PUNCHuation!
As a result I took the initiative to determine two extra elements for you Scott
Unfortunately, they're both highly radioactive elements, and by opening this email you've received a lethal dose. You should've listen to Uranus.
I have calculated the dates of this Transit and so I can now tell you that over the month of January you will live though this period
Now I'm tempted to die on December 31st just to strike a blow for Skepticism.
Indeed, you must know exactly what to do and at which precise moment as this kind of information is impossible to simply guess at.
The eccentric orbit of Phobos eliminates guesswork!
If I have allowed myself to contact you several times about this Transit it is not because I wish to bother you about it but it is quite simply that I need you to understand how important this period really is going to be for you Scott.
Or it's because like all Pisces, you have crappy impulse control.
I can understand that you may not want me to do this reading for you.
It's not you, it's me.  Actually, it's Mimas.
But if I insist as I do it is because I know that you haven't yet contacted anybody about this
Why...you are psychic!

Anyway, thanks, Jenna. I've long had a gnawing suspicion that I'm indecisive and failing to live up to my potential, so you can imagine what a relief it is to finally have it confirmed by the Little Dipper, or the Big Bopper or the Li'l Audrey, or some reliable celestial source.

Next:  Jenna whitens my energy, and leaves it smelling April Fresh!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Barack Obama, Race Traitor

The American Family Association's One News presents AM radio talk show host Peter Hell's Heck's essay about how President Obama is disgracing his black ancestors by upholding the law of the land, because fetuses are today's African American slaves.

Obama Disgracing His Racial Ancestors

What a sick irony to realize that the first man sharing Douglass' race to occupy the Oval Office embodies the very dark spirit of oppression that generations of black Americans suffered to overcome, and that if left unchallenged, threatens the lives and liberties of all men.

For in our day, the same shroud of ignorance that once deceived corrupt minds into believing that one race of humans could be denied their natural rights and treated as the legal property of masters prevails again. It exists in the crooked and depraved notion that tiny humans can be denied their natural rights and treated as the legal property of their mothers.
Yeah, tiny humans deserve the same natural rights as everyone else. We should be offering tiny humans their own tiny Ten Commandments plaques, their own tiny Mosque-free parcels of land, and their own tiny assault weapons. Yes, even though these humans may be only the size of a pinhead and have no brains, hearts, or other organs, they are being whipped by plantation slave masters and forced to harvest tiny bales of cotton.
Appallingly, this slavish mindset is not only accepted by America's first black president, it is celebrated. On the 38th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision that overturned precedent in all 50 states and ushered in a return of the plantation owners' ideology, Barack Obama took the time to honor its legacy. [...] And as his lips dripped with the euphemistic language of reproductive rights and fundamental liberties, he could no more hide the heinous butchery of abortion than his southern progenitors could hide their abusive bull whips by speaking of states' rights and nullification.
So, while Obama is shaming his slave progenitors by forcing embryos to mow the White House lawns, he is honoring his southern bull ship-wielding progenitors through his labor practices. But still he is decried for disgracing his ancestors!

Only a man terrifyingly unmoved by the injustices perpetrated against his own ancestors could, just a century and a half later, facilitate even worse atrocities without a hint of remorse.
Because, as stated previously, forcing tiny humans to labor in the fields all day is much worse than making real humans do the same, because fetuses are so much smaller, and so it's a lot harder for them to carry the bales.
Intellectual honesty demands that we face a harsh and uncomfortable reality: Barack Obama -- our first black president -- has chosen to take up the whip
against his fellow man.
Yes, you should see how he treats those cabinet members! Finally somebody has the guts to go on the record ... no, wait, Peter is talking about fetuses again, and how Obama whips them until they write a passable State of the Union address.
As he commits himself to what Douglass called the denial of justice, the perpetuation of ignorance, and the organized conspiracy to degrade his fellow countrymen, it can rightly be concluded that Barack Obama disgraces his office, his ancestors, and his place in the eternal struggle for the rights of man.
All that because he said that we should "recommit ourselves more broadly to ensuring that our daughters have the same rights, the same freedoms, and the same opportunities as our sons to fulfill their dreams." Plus, he never calls his dead ancestors, never visits them, and never sends them a card on Dead Ancestors Day What a disappointment he must be!

UPDATE: I like how the Blogger ad chosen to accompany this piece is for "Pro-Life Checks" for "Mr. and Mrs. Prolifer," featuring photos of cute infants. They are just the thing for when you want to purchase things that the next generation will be paying for, like tax cuts for the rich and a repeal of enviromental protection laws!