Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I See London, I See France...

Generally speaking, there's good news and bad news, but not true and false news.  Unless it's news about a political enemy that's so bad it's too good to be true, in which case, grab your vellum and your composing stick, and print the legend!

Which brings us to Jeannie DeAngelis' latest -- and if I may say so, definitive -- demonstration of the Does She or Doesn't She? school of journalism, in which Jeannie exposes Michelle Obama for possibly buying lingerie from a British company, thereby contributing to the collapse of the American corsetiere industry, as well as threatening the livelihoods of small business owners such as the two Ukrainian-American guys who run FirstLadyUpskirtPix.com (a fair and balanced site, by the way, which features both Democrats ["See Lady Bird Johnson's Nest!"] and Republicans [the "Barbara's Bush" gallery alone has over a hundred photos]).
Is Michelle Obama America's Agent Provocateur?

If the rumors are true -- and despite "angry denials" by the White House, it's finally public knowledge -- then when hanging around the presidential living quarters, Michelle Obama does not wear ripped sweatpants and an old "Yes We Can" Obama 2008 T-shirt. Recently, we've come to find out that last year, while hubby was out preaching the gospel of fairness, wifey may have been busy acquiring a few "must-have" items from Hollywood-style British retail lingerie shop Agent Provocateur.
So there you have it.  If the rumor is true -- and despite White House denials, we've heard about it, thereby proving that we have so much time on our hands we can afford to waste some of it reading American Thinker, which is a damning indictment indeed -- then Mrs. Obama may have bought underwear.  Some people may think this is ridiculous source material for a political scandal, but personally, I believe anyone dumb enough to deal with a company who's name means "Entrapment," has it coming.
Ironically, a provocateur is someone who "provokes trouble, causes dissension or the like; an agitator." Whether the fancy underwear story is true or not, either way, Mrs. Obama is indeed an agent provocateur. 
So she's working for the cops?  Perhaps she went undercover to help nab a gang trafficking in counterfeit Spanx and contrabandeaus (there was a similar storyline in the second season of HBO's crime drama, The Underwire).
And, based on her continued dedication to extravagant self-indulgence, spending oodles of dollars on thongs doesn't seem far-fetched.
And, based on an unsourced rumor in the Fashion section of a British tabloid, I completely believe it.
Let's remember: Michelle Obama pays absolutely no mind to public indignation over things like wearing a $2,000 sundress to church.
Which is exactly the kind of crass, tone deaf, nouveau riche crap a true First Lady like Nancy Reagan would never have pulled, because it would have reflected poorly on the Office of the Presidency, and would have required going to church.
Now we find out that the first lady may have filled a van with $600 corsets at a high-end Madison Avenue girdle shop.
She may have filled a van with stolen big screen TVs and driven it across the Verrazano Narrows Bridge at 3 in the morning to meet a fence in Staten Island, only to see the deal go sour and a brief gun battle break out, during which Mrs. Obama was grazed by a 9mm round and the fence fatally shot, forcing the wounded First Lady to dump the body in the Fresh Kills Landfill before eventually abandoning the truck at rest stop and fleeing in a stolen silver or light gray two-door sedan with Pennsylvania plates.  We just don't know.
Whether she did or she didn't, either way, Misunderstood Michelle shouldn't worry about being disparaged for behaving like the voluptuary she is.
Perry Mason couldn't have summed it up better.  "Your Honor, I submit that whether my client did or did not murder the victim is unimportant, because even if he's innocent, he was just acting like the killer he is."
If the going gets tough, the first lady can divert attention from her shopping in a store that sells "the most erotic lingerie in the world" by whining about things like being unjustly viewed as an "angry black woman," or serving turkey tacos to schoolchildren with Rachael Ray.
I must have missed that last interview, but if I was forced to spend time with Rachel Ray, I'd bitch about it too.  Especially if the taco meat steam trays were taking the curl out of my hair.  Here's a question, though:  which lingerie eroticism ranking is proper for a First Lady?  I think underwear that is seeded 18th in the world is most suitable, but you guys may have different opinions.
When asked about his clients, Agent Provocateur's chief executive Gary Hogarth refused to reveal whose names were on the "secret list."
Actually, he didn't say anything about a "secret list" in the article Jeannie linked to, but who's to say he wasn't thinking it?  We may never know.

On the other hand, this did appear in the piece:  "A spokesman for the label told MailOnline: 'Recent claims regarding Michelle Obama and purchases made at an Agent Provocateur boutique are incorrect.'"
However, he did admit that the brand had "attracted a high number of 'unexpected famous names' -- especially in the US, where sales have overtaken the UK." If U.S. sales have surpassed the U.K.'s, could it be because one very famous woman traded in bunny slippers for some size 11 Pom Pom Mules?
Meow.
"Madam, this may come as a surprise to you, but there's rather a large gulf between the fine art of Cattiness, and just being a bitch."
No one knows for sure what Agent Michelle the Provocateur hauled away in those pink and black shopping bags, or if she actually did shop there.
It doesn't really matter, though, because according to the multiverse theory, every decision you make causes reality to fracture into potentially infinite alternate dimensions.  Therefore, even if Mrs. Obama didn't go to a store on Madison Avenue and buy underwear, quantum mechanics proves that somewhere, in a parallel universe, she did.  So impeachment seems mathematically sound. 
But what we do know is that Mrs. Obama would have zero problem brazenly shutting down a street in New York City; she did it before for date night, and if in need of shopping therapy in a sexy skivvy shop, she'd likely do it again.
I didn't realize that in addition to urging school children to eat healthy, Michelle has also usurped the power of motorcade traffic management from the Secret Service.  On a more rib-tickling note, Jeannie's link goes to a Foxnews.com story from 2009, which includes these timely passages:
Even before the Obamas left Washington, the there-and-back trip drew criticism from Republicans. They questioned the president's decision to travel to New York for a night of entertainment during a recession and while automakers struggle to survive.
[...]
The Republican National Committee issued a news release that chastised Obama for saying he understands American's troubles, but then hopping up to New York for "a night on the town."

Noting that General Motors is expected to file for Chapter 11 protection on Monday, the news release said: "Putting on a show: Obamas wing into the city for an evening out while another iconic American company prepares for bankruptcy."
If the politics thing doesn't work out, the RNC could always consider shifting gears and competing head to head with the Psychic Friends Network.
Despite White House denials, it could be that at one point Michelle did shop at the Madison Avenue boutique, and if she did, reports are that she allegedly rang up a $50K tab. 
It's possible that Jeannie spent one hazy, Sterno-fueled summer haunting the Southern Pacific freight yards in the High Desert, sleeping in culverts and emerging only on moonless nights to eviscerate hobos and feast on their kidneys.  You'll note that she hasn't even bothered to deny it.
Besides buying push-up bras, $50,000 could feed and house the family of at least one disenfranchised worker to whom Barack Obama promised a job but has yet to deliver, not to mention pay for a four-year college education for a disadvantaged child.
Too bad General Motors is bankrupt, or the disenfranchised anecdote might have found work there.  Personally, though, I think that making children attend college can lead to more stress than a 9 year old can easily handle, even if universities are more likely to have working rest rooms and less Mac 'n Cheese in the cafeteria than the public grammar schools they normally attend.  Plus -- and I speak from experience -- if you try to pay off the bursar in brassiers, you're going to spend a lot of time filling out forms at the Financial Aid office.
Then, less than a week after [the State of the Union Address], the British press reported that Mrs. Obama, the woman who brightened up the SOTU address in a $2,000 shimmering peacock-blue Barbara Tfank dress, "[a]long with the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah," played by her own rules, descended on "Madison Avenue, and spent some girlfriend time slapping big bucks on the counter of a lingerie shop."
That quote certainly does sound incriminating.  Especially when you paste it into Google and find that Jeannie just made it up, because that means that somewhere in the multiverse, there's a reality where an alternate Jeannie DeAngelis found an actual, relevant quote that conclusively proved Michelle's guilt.  Now we just need to find a Federal judge willing to issue a transdimensional bench warrant.
And what exactly would Mrs. Obama buy if she did actually shop there? 
It's fun to fantasize, although Jeannie is the first grandmother I've met who's deposited Michelle Obama in her Spank Bank.
Could be that Mrs. Obama isn't a provocateur at all, and if she actually did go on a secret shopping trip, perhaps she simply wanted to introduce the "sensuality and flirtation of the 70s" into the White House. Her ultimate goal may have merely been to whip into playful submission a president who is turning out to be even worse than 1970s icon Jimmy Carter.
"Whaddya think she bought?  Huh?  Somethin' sporty.  Somethin' peek-a-boo.  Somethin' crotchless maybe?  Think she's a goer?  Huh?  Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.  Say no more..."

36 comments:

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

I may not get to tackle this entire loverly diatribe tonight, way behind on today's packing, but I must say that you used THE most-perfect picture POSSIBLE of the glorious Queen Riley.

If she ever deigns to speak English, ohhhh, I hope that you'll put her on Skype with mAnn Coultergeist... she can rip that bitch to shreds without even snagging a talon!

BTW, this last picture of the new harpie down here on the bottom? I could almost swear IN COURT that she's the same haggard-faced skank who came to my first radio station because she was CONVINCED that SHE was THE perfect "sexy voice" to sell her nasty-filthy-suburbanite-whore SEX-TOY PARTY pyramid scheme!!!

She. Was. NOT.

And yes, I gave it the ol' college try, but Scott wouldn't stop laughing, so we resorted to a sales reptile who could deepthroat an EV mic like you've never seen and never WANT to see...

Eeerie that your finished it up with the trollopy-paparazzo-type queries...

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

BTW, "Big Chief Dark Cloud" Scott from my first radio station, obviously, not THIS Scott, we don't go back THAT far, after all... though I do wonder if he could keep a straight face in a production room...

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Okay, okay, I hadda read it, I couldn't just walk away... What an insipid, useless-as-tits-on-a-boar-hog, illiterate kneepadded TWUNT.

This unevenly-fanged moron who thinks that she can "write," I mean, again, not a reference to Scott. I'd never accuse HIM of wearing kneepads!

If ever I've witnessed a more useless, bigger waste of oxygen, DOESN'T DESERVE A FUCKING JOB OF ANY FUCKING TYPE, let alone one where they let her allegedly "WRITE"!!!!!! --- they never even APPROACHED *THIS* bitch.

Thanks a lot, Scott, now my fucking eyeballs are bleeding. Not just from the rankling injustice of it all, but from the gossip-skag JEALOUS-WHORE IDIOCY OF THE ENTIRE ENDEAVOR --- who in the FUCK ever gave THIS moronic slit a fucking KEYBOARD?!?!?!? Don't mind me, I'll just be over in the corner, packing-up house and chewing on my hair.

Fucking bitter, peaked-in-junior-high, 6th-runner-up for JV Gang-Bang Queen, fuglier-than-Tammy-Faye, Manson-eyed CONTAGIOUS, SCAB-CUNTED, VACANT-HEADED FUCKING WHOOOOOOORRRE!!!!!!

Stupid twunt never ONCE stops to think about the RED CHINA that Nancy blew OUR money on, back in the day, does she? Or the MILLIONS undoubtedly spent on her & Ronnie Ray-Gun's "COSTUMES" (what the senile-before-illegally-"elected" moron called MILITARY UNIFORMS!!!) **AND** on RE-DECORATING THE ENTIRE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE!!!!

Instead, this ragged-out douchebag fixates on Michelle's underwear and sun dresses. Sounds like a dirty old man in a raincoat, or a cyber-stalker who takes into the real world. Viciously-closeted-lesbian-crush that she tried to turn into campaign-slander fodder, or does she actually pose a real & present danger to our First Lady?

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Forgot one thought, sorry for the repeated posts, Scott.

Does it ever occur to morons/sheepul (look at those eyes & teeth --- not ALL bipedal humanoids HAD to have evolved from primates, this one could be a fucking EWE!!!) like this trivial, twisted-twunt trollop that MICHELLE OBAMA HAS *PLENTY* OF HER ***OWN*** FUCKING MONEY, AND THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT SHE USES WHEN SHE SPLURGES ON A NEW OUTFIT OR EVEN THE DRAWERS SHE WEARS UNDER IT?!?!?!?

heydave said...

I'm still shaky just hearing about Rachel Ray's taco.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Dammit Dave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was about to try to EAT breakfast!!!!!!

You'd make one helluva aversion-therapy dieting guru, ya fuck...

Keith said...

Poor Michelle. She probably broke a nail or two dumping the fence's body into Fresh Kills.

Jeannie has no concept of high street retailing. Mad Ave. is home to many exclusive boutiques catering to the 1% and wannabes, but my last sojourn to that neighborhood revealed no Victoria's Secret or anything else that can't make exorbitant rent. I'm not sure that Barney's has taken up the slack. Does Lacriox sell crotchless panties?

Ms. DeAngelis: It's public knowledge that during a two week period beginning with the gibbous waxing moon, Michelle puts on her thigh-high high-gloss black boots and naughties to cruise DuPont Circle after midnight for tricks. She plies them with 120 proof alcohol and extra-potent heroin from Afghanistan. At the onset of cardiac arrest Michelle dumps the poor suckers in the trunk and high-tails it for Chevy Chase where the bodies are discarded on George Will's front lawn. Then she makes her getaway in her marks' vehicles. Now that's a story you ought to cover.

Much more lurid, imho.

jp said...

This has to break some kind of record fo wing-nuts-creating-their-own-reality. I'm stunned at the number of times she employs the impeccable logic of "Well, this may or may not be true, but even if it isn't, it's as bad as if it IS, so THERE!" And that's just the excerpts; thank you no, not getting out of the boat.

And beyond the demented process that passes for this nitwit's reasoning, if the story is (gasp!) true, WTF is the big deal? Michele Obama bought some underwear. And wears nice dresses, because, public figure, world stage, etc.

As Our Lady of the Parallel Universes demonstrates, the truth makes no matter. Look at the uproar they raised the day Michele showed up in shorts to hike the Grand Canyon. If some reporter DID reveal that the FLOTUS chills at home in a T-shirt-sweats combo, and that for economy's sake, she wears her wholesome Hanes briefs to threads, they'd be screaming about her ghetto tastes and lack of respect for American dignity. Plus dyke jokes. They're fireproof.

KWillow said...

Mrs. Obama should shop at Walmart, and even then only buy clothes that are on sale, preferably "clearance" sale.

KWillow said...

PS: daughter caught one of the semi-feral kittens living in our garage (in heated dog-beds!). We took him to the vet and discovered He is a She, so the name Mini is good. Blind in one eye, and the vet said to wait a month before neutering. She got all her shots tho, and is living in daughter's bedroom, mostly hiding in a cabinet, but comes out to play from time-to-time.

Next, the other kitten (also with a bad eye). Then: Mama cat. I don't think she can be tamed.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Very Nice, Scott.

And I agree with Annti, excellent slightly evil Riley pic.
~

Li'l Innocent said...

"She may have filled a van with stolen big screen TVs and driven it across the Verrazano Narrows Bridge at 3 in the morning to meet a fence in Staten Island, only to see the deal go sour and a brief gun battle break out, during which Mrs. Obama is grazed by a 9mm round and the fence is fatally shot, forcing the wounded First Lady to dump the body in the Fresh Kills Landfill before eventually abandoning the truck at rest stop and fleeing in a stolen silver or light gray two-door sedan with Pennsylvania plates. We just don't know."

Oh, Scott! You thrill me, you chill me, you make me feel goosepimply all over. (And I haven't even read the rest of the post yet...)

Werid Dave said...

the "Barbara's Bush" gallery

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Weird Dave said...

HHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

Chris Vosburg said...

At the time of this writing, there were two comments on this article at the American Thinker, both negative, the second of which says "this is not TMZ, this is American Thinker where 'Rumor' really has no place."

Given AT's standing army of "moderators" ready to immediately delete any comment which approaches dissent, I can only wonder how many hundreds of comments were ultimately deleted.

I'm stunned at the smallness of the article. Robin of Berkeley no longer posts articles there (too crazy or not crazy enough, I haven't a clue), but there's no dearth of unfounded slander, God knows, so you know they've really gone right through the bottom of the barrel when their own reader base is up in their grill about it.

Apparently the editors have come to believe that it's just not worth the trouble to hide behind ambiguous phrasing or simpering innuendo, they're now content to just pump the horseshit with their bare faces hanging out.

In short, they're finally, madly, truly, deeply, lost.

Li'l Innocent said...

"Despite White House denials, it could be that at one point Michelle did shop at the Madison Avenue boutique, and if she did, reports are that she allegedly rang up a $50K tab."

A sentence with more conditional qualifiers than sentence. I count five. Is it like double negatives? Does a quintuple allegation add up to a confirmation?

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

KWillow, sweetie, don't diss those of us who HAVE to shop the Wally World clearance racks, with me it's a genetic predisposition. I could put a FABULOUS outfit together for our Amazon Queen for less than $80, and she would fucking LOVE IT and FLAUNT IT ON A RUNWAY.

I know that that's not how you meant it, darling heart, but y'know, I got a hair-trigger reflex when it comes to even the best-intentioned snark against batshit-crazy reich-winger hausfraus who couldn't write their way out of a bathroom stall. Ya mention the clearance racks @ Wally World, and it pisses me off that I can't even afford THAT anymore. I'm lucky if I can buy a $3 pair of drawers at RAINBOW, fer fuck's sake. So I'm not dissing you or your very prescient snark, m'love, just saying. This "eviction" shit is fucking me up. Flashbacks to that eviction notice on my 17th birfday, tacked to the FRONT DOOR OF THE HOUSE, for ME to find when I got off of the bus, when my dumbass fucking "parents" lost it all on their shitty-as-fuck "business" attempts in the post-Reaganomics/Bush Sr. slaughter of the LA oil & gas industry/indy production companies. They FUCKED THIS STATE NEARLY TO **DEATH**, and only Edwin Edwards could save us, believe THAT shit. But we'll never have decent unions again, for damned sure.

Anyway, don't diss the clearance-rack queens, I bet that, if she hadn't been such a successful lawyer from a "good family," that Michelle Obama would be able to stretch every dollar until George Washington screamed for mercy. That's the kind of First Lady that I like. Yeah, she has to wear the frou-frou shit because she is part of the ship of state, but I bet that she sure as HELL hasn't raised HER girls like the HILTON bitches, that brand-names mean more than actual VALUE.

P.S. Amen to the Veranzano Narrows Bridge bit & praise, 'cause I will NEVER drive that way-too-high-up-in-the-fucking-air nightmare AGAIN!!!

And dear sweet Li'l Innocent? How much you wanna bet that this whore "reads" THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER, and looks to their "writers" for "style" tips on how to LIE HER FUGLY BUCK-TOOTHED FUCKING FACE OFF whilst seeming to actually be SAYING SOMETHING.

And I still maintain that, no matter how many designer gowns are "donated"/loaned to the First Lady and how many she actually PURCHASES, that she uses HER OWN FUCKING MONEY, of which she has WAY THE FUCK MORE THAN **THIS** USELESS SLATTERN WILL EVER FUCKING **SEE**, EVEN BACK AT HER OLD JOB AS BLOW-JOB QUEEN OF THE MUSTANG RANCH!!!!!! How else could you explain someone in a JCPenney knock-off of a nice "suit," KEEPING those snarled-up buck teef??

James Briggs Stratton "Doghouse" Riley said...

Ironically, a provocateur is someone who "provokes trouble, causes dissension or the like; an agitator."

Ironically, that's not what "agent provocateur" means.

Ironically, someone at something called "American Thinker" wrote that.

Stacia said...

Oy, I'm no good at this sort of thing. Everyone here is snarking like a pro, and over a day after first reading it I'm still stuck on "BUT... BUT... SHE JUST MADE IT UP. AND EVEN SAID SO."

My uncontrolled whimpering has subsided, but I don't think my ears will ever stop ringing.

Green Eagle said...

After all these years, the shamelessness of these people is still breathtaking.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, where do they find these people?

I note that even there there are only two comments and they both tear into her. When you're too sleazy for American Thinker, that really says something.

Dr.BDH said...

What's JdeA doing in that picture? Wrapping her hand in gauze, post-trauma? Unrolling the Charmin? Stretching someone's tighty-whiteys? Removing the Invisible Man's wraps? Taking off the blindfold she wore while researching this article?

KWillow said...

Anti: I wasn't sneering, I assure you! I also assure you I was speaking from my own experience with the "only shop at the clearance rack" of the Outlet store/Walmart quip. Or Goodwill: hey I once got a calf-length cashmere overcoat there, beautiful with gorgeous buttons which I still have (the coat was TOO HOT to wear indoors or out, so I donated it back, sans buttons).

Scott, could I send you a picture of "Mini"?

Chris Vosburg said...

Crazy lady writes: Ironically, a provocateur is someone who "provokes trouble, causes dissension or the like; an agitator.", to which Doghouse responds: Ironically, that's not what "agent provocateur" means.

To which I can only add:

Ironically, there's nothing remotely resembling irony in her definition of "provocateur."

Scott said...

I found a beautiful camel hair overcoat at a filthy, Lysol-smelling thrift shop on the Lower East Side in the 1980s, and wore it for years (none of the punk rockers who combed over the merchandise gave it so much as a second glance, so I got it for a very decent price from a proprietor who desperately needed the rack space for more distressed leather). I haven't had much cause to demothball it since moving back to California, but it still enjoys pride of place in my closet.

K: Please do send along a photo of Mini. We're do for a good Beast Blogging around here.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Vosburg & Doghouse: Would that y'all were hired to save the tattered remnants of the American public educational system... instead we get these parochial-school flunkies who wouldn't know irony if it bit 'em on their sagging, flagging ol' asses. And Pope Panzerfaust cackles from over his cauldron of children's legs and frogs' eyes, counting all that voucher money...

I know, K, I know, honey. Just my own issues. Ohhhh, how I miss pre-Katrina thrift stores! NOW, they think that they oughta get "Antiques Roadshow" prices for bubble-gum-machine goods. If I still had the gorgeous collection of antique costume jewelry that I had amassed... *sigh Much am I am loath to contribute to cathlick entities, those St. Vincent de Paul shops get ALL of the best shit!!! Those old ladies leave all of their costume jewelry, books, purses & hats to SVDP, y'know, a backhanded way of earning indulgences or somesuch, and OH, HONEY! The gorgeousness... *sigh* We now return you to our regularly-scheduled batshit-crazy idiot-bitch. And Stacia, dear heart, you are not alone, in the least. With a face and a shriveled-up raisin of a "brain" like this, she oughta be replacing the girl who wipes Fatfuck Limbaugh's ass for him, 'cause you KNOW that *HE* can't reach!

(and if said dumbassed batshit-crazy bitch saw my super-secret magic decoder-ring word, "AESSES," she'd think that the wordbot was either flirting with her or trying to write Shakespeare without the chimpanzees!)

Cynthianne said...

OK, I read the extracts of the article and the comments. And you want me to believe an actual human being wrote that twaddle? Someone with an actual working brain?

No way. There's no such person. I think the article was created by a random sentence generator programmed for high-class porn.

suebeeyo said...

["See Lady Bird Johnson's Nest!"] and Republicans [the "Barbara's Bush" gallery alone has over a hundred photos]).

Not to be rude, but this mental image was quite enough to strike one temporarily blind.

heydave said...

will no one think of those tacos?

gocart mozart said...

In one of the multi-universes, Michele Obama is certainly a white Republican First Lady, so all of this ultimately doesn't matter.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Mozart Gocart, dear heart, may several dozen multiverses fall down upon thine head for putting such a horrific concept into MINE.

And may you be afflicted by caterwauling crackhead junkie schizophrenics-off-their-meds-'cause-they-fucking-SELL-THEM alcoholic DRUNKS next door, as I am. THAT'S how cruel your brain-cartoon was, and somebody SHOULD have to suffer through this shit WITH ME.

Carl said...

Jeannie has an unnerving interest in other women's panties, n'est ce pas?

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

See why she reminded me of the vibrators-and-edible-undies slattern with the complexion of the CRATERS ON THE MOON and the "sexy voice" of a ROTO-ROOTER TRUCK?!?! I bet that this trashy wanna-be-a-lesbian-but-ain't-got-the-guts, but she DO got the power tools SKANKZILLA has a sound byte out there somewhere on the innernets toobs, that she was stoopid enough to put THAT face and a voice that I can only imagine to be a mix of Mrs. Kravitz and PINHEAD into some "interview" or "guest segment" on some basement-dwelling reich-winger's "public-access" YouTube "show."

Go forth and hunt, Carl, I betcha that you can find Jeannie in all of her craven-insane-vulture-needing-estrogen-BADLY full-color and moving-like-an-unhired-extra-for-Dawn-Of-Teh-Dead graceful arcs of slutty-pervert-hypocrite-who-ain't-been-laid-since-Elvis-was-a-DEA-agent movement.

Of course, you'll also have to come up with the requisite and traditional 50-gallon drum o'Clorox for all to wash said utterly-un-entertaining audio-visual clusterfuck out of our brains & corneas...

Maybe it's the sleep deprivation, the caffeine that I'm not s'posed to have, or maybe it's just Jeannie, but my super-secret decoder-ring word for today is "in gen fu"!!!

Any words/phrases/sentences come to mind thar?

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Scratch the PINHEAD reference... What was the name of that poor toxic-waste-plus-inbreeding guy chained up in the basement, "BAY-BEE ROOF! BAY-BEE ROOF!" in "GOONIES"???

Yeah, him. I hate to slander the genuinely developmentally-disabled, even if they're fictional characters, but THAT'S what I imagine being mixed with a Roto-Rooter septic-pump truck, ergo, Jeannie's lovely dulcet tones...

Carl said...

What was the name of that poor toxic-waste-plus-inbreeding guy chained up in the basement, "BAY-BEE ROOF! BAY-BEE ROOF!" in "GOONIES"???

Sloth

Played by John Matuszak, the former All Pro NFL player who mysteriously died of a *koffkoffsteroidinducekoffkoff* heart attack in 1989.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Well, THAT fucking sucks.

Thanks for the info, but how many more downers can we take in a week?

BTW, I'm having an eviction-party fire sale, if anybody wants any new tchotchkes, maybe a kidney that's never seen the black market... Fire? Who said fire? I don't know anything about a fire around this hellhole, noooooo...