Saturday, March 3, 2012

It's Probably Something You Effemin-ate.

By Keith:

Hello. Today we have a lecture on a subject that is dear to everyone – nutrition. And none other than World Net Daily columnist Jim Rutz is here to explain why America is going, well, “sooo, so gay.” 

Jim Rutz, "chairman of Megashift Ministries" and a man who knows that while a suede jacket is nice,  a suede jacket dripping with fringe is fabulous!


There’s a madness to Rutz’s method. I hope you will enjoy it.
There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular.
Hmm, let’s see, could it be McNuggets? KFC bucket? Reveal to us more, Jim.
Now, I’m a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it’s organic. I state my bias here just so you’ll know I’m not anti-health food.
Well with food, even staples, rising in price I can’t always afford a free-range chicken. But agree, I seldom allow anything that isn’t organic into my kitchen. Even the toaster is made from disposable diapers rescued from Fresh Kills (and it’s a Cuisinart).

We don’t have roaches anymore, but when we did, they were organic as well.
The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.”
Tell me all about it Jimmy. On my last trip to “Trader Joe’s” I was attacked by a dozen very sexy-looking packages of tofu, although their makeup was smeared. I had to fight them off with broccoli spears. Turns out the poor things were lacking in moisture and only wanted beer which the general manager kindly provided.
I have nothing against an occasional soy snack. Soy is nutritious and contains lots of good things. Unfortunately, when you eat or drink a lot of soy stuff, you’re also getting substantial quantities of estrogens.

Estrogens are female hormones. If you’re a woman, you’re flooding your system with a substance it can’t handle in surplus. If you’re a man, you’re suppressing your masculinity and stimulating your “female side,” physically and mentally.
Thanks, Jim. But estrogens don’t exist entirely in the domain of the ladies, anymore than testosterone is solely confined to us guys. It’s just that the gals don’t usually behave, or write, like wanking ‘tards.

It’s like those things that poke out of your tee-shirts, Jim, you know, nipples. And if you ever bothered to “go downtown” on your loved one you might discover more ... but we digress.
In fetal development, the default is being female. All humans (even in old age) tend toward femininity. The main thing that keeps men from diverging into the female pattern is testosterone, and testosterone is suppressed by an excess of estrogen.
If you’re a grownup, you’re already developed, and you’re able to fight off some of the damaging effects of soy. Babies aren’t so fortunate. Research is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you’re giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day. A baby’s endocrine system just can’t cope with that kind of massive assault, so some damage is inevitable. “At the extreme, the damage can be fatal.
Ok, Jim. I’ve learned something here. I didn’t know that blastocysts preferred the female sex. Always thought it was a biological contingency ... you know, a gestation thingy. Seems sex selection is random enough.

And will someone out there please lead me to understand the phrase “female pattern?” I tried googling but all I got were sites dealing with paper dress designs, some lovely by the way, for those who possess the art of tailoring.
Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.
OK. I get it. It’s all Aunt Mary’s fault. She was an ardent Seventh-Day Adventist and always fed me and my brother those soy faux-hamburgers that came in a can from Loma Linda. Aunt Mary. You made me what I am today.
Doctors used to hope soy would reduce hot flashes, prevent cancer and heart disease, and save millions in the Third World from starvation. That was before they knew much about long-term soy use. Now we know it’s a classic example of a cure that’s worse than the disease. For example, if your baby gets colic from cow’s milk, do you switch him to soy milk? Don’t even think about it. His phytoestrogen level will jump to 20 times normal. If he is a she, brace yourself for watching her reach menarche as young as seven, robbing her of years of childhood. If he is a boy, it’s far worse: He may not reach puberty till much later than normal.
Oh, lord, where is the damn Merck Manual when it’s needed the most?
Research in 2000 showed that a soy-based diet at any age can lead to a weak thyroid, which commonly produces heart problems and excess fat. Could this explain the dramatic increase in obesity today?

Recent research on rats shows testicular atrophy, infertility and uterus hypertrophy (enlargement). This helps explain the infertility epidemic and the sudden growth in fertility clinics. But alas, by the time a soy-damaged infant has grown to adulthood and wants to marry, it’s too late to get fixed by a fertility clinic.
Well, Jim, we’re getting to know you in an intimate fashion. You have a little, itty-bitty penis shaped like that of a rat. Also mate selection is difficult because it’s awkward for your companion to pick that poor pecker out with tweezers, much less get it past the aspirin she’s holding between her knees. And I’ll bet you’re so cheap you won’t even take her to a nice restaurant after all her trouble.

And just, dear readers, when you thought things couldn’t get worse ...
Worse, there’s now scientific evidence that estrogen ingredients in soy products may be boosting the rapidly rising incidence of leukemia in children. In the latest year we have numbers for, new cases in the U.S. jumped 27 percent. In one year!

There’s also a serious connection between soy and cancer in adults – especially breast cancer. That’s why the governments of Israel, the UK, France and New Zealand are already cracking down hard on soy.
(I have a friend who lost his son to childhood leukemia so I’m just going to pass on this one.)
In sad contrast, 60 percent of the refined foods in U.S. supermarkets now contain soy. Worse, soy use may double in the next few years because (last I heard) the out-of-touch medicrats in the FDA hierarchy are considering allowing manufacturers of cereal, energy bars, fake milk, fake yogurt, etc., to claim that “soy prevents cancer.” It doesn’t.
Well then. What have we to learn from this unexpected editorial comment on the evil of soy? My first experience with soy, apart from Aunt Mary’s Loma Linda burgers (which were very tasty, as I remember) was driving a friend’s 1967 Corvette very fast late at night in rural Virginia and missing a left turn. That missed turn took us through a huge soybean plantation ... and for the rest of the weekend we worked hard in the garage ‘round the clock to pick those damn soybeans out of the chassis.

But Jim, just because I have known soy, and have had accidents with soy, I don’t remember my penis size decreasing as a result. It’s still about the same size it was back in the day although it now has a small mole (which my doctor says is just fine).

But Jim still gets the last word. Sometimes fermentation absolves all.
P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it’s perfectly safe because it’s fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.
[Scott here, with a little mnemonic device to help you fellas avoid unwanted estrogen.  "Remember: Soy Sauce is Boy Sauce, but Tofu is Too Fey."]

14 comments:

R. Porrofatto said...

Hilarious. The WND article is gloriously stupid. (BTW, your link to it is kerflutzed. This one will get you there: http://www.wnd.com/2006/12/39253/) But you didn't tell us that there are 5 more insanely stupid parts! Later we learn that he got a big response from fans (Rutz nutz?) and critics (normal people). But sadly, the "column got picked up by the big homosexual/liberal websites" and awful hate mail resulted.

I'd laugh more at this asshole, but it's criminal how such conspiranoid religious quacks spread fear and ignorance with their factless drivel. Stuff like this for example:
...the rapidly rising incidence of leukemia in children. In the latest year we have numbers for, new cases in the U.S. jumped 27 percent. In one year!
Where on earth does he get this crap? The incidence of leukemia in children has been pretty flat for years, something easily discovered on this Internet thing in minutes. A 27% increase (In one year!) would have generated a lot more concern than WND sputum.

Not to mention the contrary opinion of real science regarding the whole thing, but what the hell.

Bogie said...

[citation needed]

Anonymous said...

That's an awful lot of decorative tassels for a straight guy. Just sayin'.

--Sour Kraut

Scott said...

Thanks for the correction, R. Porrofatto. And apologies to Keith for screwing up the link. It seems to be fixed now.

KWillow said...

Know what else probably has a lot of "feminine" hormones? Breast Milk!

M. Bouffant said...

Ah, this explains why China is so underpopulated, then!

Carl said...

"Remember: Soy Sauce is Boy Sauce, but Tofu is Too Fey."

So wait. I can have Tina Fey with my tofu?

SIGN ME UP!

Carl said...

Imma just say this:

http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/nutrition/reduce_risk/foods/soy.jsp

Then there are the isoflavones, which are weak phytoestrogens (estrogen-like compounds found in plants). Isoflavone levels vary in different types of tofu and soy milk products. Your body's estrogen is much, much stronger than the estrogen-like isoflavones in soy. [ed note: by a factor of 100,000x]

TM said...

A talk about gayness and masculinity from a man who looks like J.K. Simmons...

OZ is back on the air?

trashfire said...

Why, then, do the female cashiers at the health food store have (on average) smaller breasts than the servers at Hooter's?

Keith said...

Hi everybody. Thanks for your comments on what may possibly be my last attempt at covering wing-nuts here at W-O'-C. This piece took 1/2 six-pack to get through, then finished the other 1/2 afterwards ... then fell into a deep sleep. Then reminded there were five other postings by Mr. Lutz on the same subject. At that rate, my liver might collapse. I'll still contribute some movie reviews. But I'm leaving the wing-nuts to the pros.

Dear R. Porrofatto: Yes, assholes can be considered criminally negligent. There is a certain pattern to the conspiracy theories ... they begin with "facts" that cannot possibly sustain examination. When confronted, Lutz and co. will tell you "Oh, you don't know the half of it" and it's always the telescopic projection of responsibility that gives these theories away. Eventually, suppose if we bothered to read the other 5 posts in Lutz's thread, would arrive at that magic nexus where Area 41, JFK, Marilyn M. and Princess Diana meet for lunch. Throw in the United Nations for a tantalizing dessert, plus a cup of Thimerosal. (Just add soy milk and some Splenda & you'll be fine).

Dear KWillow: Breast feeding is the best nutrition for the newborn but somehow nipples aren't allowed in "polite" society. Unless they're Rick Santorum's perky nipples under those sweater vests.

Carl, ran into Tina at Rock Center today and she would love to share tofu with you if she could. Unfortunately someone gave her Lutz's column and she's temporarily off the stuff.

Thanks to all. Until next time, Keith.

suebeeyo said...

Soy vey.

Carl said...

Why, then, do the female cashiers at the health food store have (on average) smaller breasts than the servers at Hooter's?

Well, they're skinnier, for one thing

HMDK said...

"Why, then, do the female cashiers at the health food store have (on average) smaller breasts than the servers at Hooter's?"

Less unneeded surgery?