Monday, March 19, 2012

Satire or Too Much Alex Jones? You Make the Call!

Update below:

As you know, we don't use a moderation queue for comments around here (although sometimes Blogger goes rogue and sequesters comments on its own, triggered by mysterious factors and algorithms I can only guess at, although I've noticed the word "panties" is often involved), largely because s.z. long ago established the precedent of never censoring the debate, and also because everyone who comments here is smart and funny, and we only very rarely get trolls.

But comments submitted on posts that are more than two weeks old are automatically held in moderation as an anti-spam measure, even though they're seldom spam.  Usually, they're the outraged thoughts of non-Wo'C readers who arrived months late to the party (and only showed up at all, thanks to Google), and often they're defenders of Dr. Professor Mike S. Adams, Ph.D.  When I get an email notifying me of a tardy addition to a long dead thread I routinely approve it, thereby allowing the commenter to both publish and perish at the same time.

But this one (responding to an old post on Ellis Washington's conspiracy theories about the Georgia Guidestones) was too good to keep to myself, and I wanted to toss it up for discussion.  So what do you guys think?  Throwaway gag, or meticulously thought-out cosmology?
Jesus created a set number of angels. all angels are male. 1/3 of all angels rebelled against Jesus. Jesus turned the rebels into spiritual darkness (aka demons) and expelled them from heaven down to earth. all demons are male. demons disguise themselves as ghosts, aliens in ufos, greys, spirit guides, ascended masters, pagan gods and goddesses, channeled entities, dead relatives during seances, ouija board movers, psychic's sources, medium's source of info, astrologer's helpers, seer's well of info, oracle's guide, automatic writing spirits, meditator's cohabitors, and, of course, as the "good fellas" (angels of light). the only way to fight demons is to be a christian.

-demons will land their ufo ships on the streets and will invite people to be healed. whoever goes in, comes out a zombie.
-80 foot dinosaurs will come out through lakes and sinkholes to eat us.
-evil red-eye antichrist with white powder on his face will come to power. this clown is gay. whoever worships this clown, goes to hell.
-evil electronic 666 tattoo by lasers with small grey world passport will become mandatory. whoever gets it, goes to hell.
-whoever gets chipped is easily tracked to get lasered. so, avoid getting lasered by not getting chipped.

1)demons have 4 ufo bases:
a)moon
b)inside mountain kailas
c)underneath mariana trench (atlantis is here)
d)lake baikal
2)airplanes that go down are hit by demons because they need the airspace to fight Jesus.
3)ufos are powered by diamonds.
4)whoever goes inside a ufo ship to be healed by demons, comes out a zombie 

If it's satire -- nice job.  If it's a sincere description of a deeply held, personal theology, then I guess I owe a thank you to Senator James Inhofe for finally delurking.

[By the way...  Bill S. thanks everyone for the birthday greetings.  He would have offered his gratitude personally, but he hasn't been able to post here for the past few weeks (he said, "If I click on a blog post, I can SEE the comments others have posted, but when I click to post a comment, the little box refuses to display anything...I get some error message").  I'm not at all savvy about Blogger -- which you might have noticed from the frequently screwy formatting around here.  Do you guys have any idea what goes going on, and how we might fix it?  Thanks.]

19 comments:

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

-evil red-eye antichrist with white powder on his face will come to power. this clown is gay. whoever worships this clown, goes to hell.

---HEYYYYY, NOW, MUTHAFUCKAH!!!!!! What in the FUCK have you been doing, PEEPING IN MY WINDOWS AGAIN, YA SICK FUCK!?!?!?

My eyes are red for a REASON, cocksucker, and nope, not from sucking too much cock. Nor from "white powder," thankyewveryfuckingmuch, never have touched the shit, though I've been offered Instant-Asshole Powder dozens of times (Just add snot & stir! {TM}).

And nope, sorry, you bisexual-denying hate-monger, I'm NOT gay, not that I don't enjoy the company of teh gheyz on as many occasions as possible... Bisexuals DO, TOO EXIST, dammit, and calling us "gay but on the fence" AIN'T HELPIN'!!!

THOUGH... if I'm forced to admit it, yes, I *have* always wanted MY OWN CULT... Just STILL haven't figured out how to keep Janet Reno-wannabes and those fire-breathing tanks away from the door, as I've yet to acquire my 40 acres and a mule thus far... Someday, mah chirrens, someday... Plenty of room in the heated pool... er, "baptismal", yeah, that's it! --- for everybody, and the only Kool-Aid will be spiked with Everclear and LSD! Wait, no, that combo sounds dangerous... Skip the Everclear and see what we can do with absinthe...

Thorlac said...

...and, of course, as the "good fellas" (angels of light).

Ok, that finally explains Joe Pesci.

heydave said...

Not sure if it's Inhofe, but it's most certainly someone in Congress.

Ugluks Flea said...

Maybe it's a stealth launch of the newest entrant in the increasingly shambling Zombie Brietbart empire, Big Crazy.

While the other "Big" sites do take creative license with the whole objective reality thing, they are (usually) hamstrung by the limitation that their pronouncements need to be at least physically possible.

With this new brand, whole new worlds of creative libel open up.

AnnPW said...

Should I ever feel inclined to worship a gay clown, get "chipped", or hop inside a ufo ship to be healed by demons, I am going to remember this individual's sage advice.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

-demons will land their ufo ships on the streets and will invite people to be healed. whoever goes in, comes out a zombie.

CLEARLY A CHARLATAN.

Dr.BDH said...

"Meditator's cohabitors" is, I presume, some dig at Mia Farrow in the 1960's.

Kordo said...

It's official: the Time Cube guy is no longer Fringe.
A few questions for the Author-

a. Jesus created the angels, and made them all dudes. When He got to earth, he hung out with dudes (well, there was that one hooker. And his mom). Do you see any pattern here?
b. Why wouldn't the dinosaurs just come out in a comfortable setting, amongst family and friends? A sinkhole seems like a dangerous place to announce that sort of thing.
c. What is a "grey"? How many months in advance of my trip should I apply for my passport?
d. Any ideas on the best place to shop for anti-laser aerosols, and Surface-to-Air Demon counter-measures? I'd try Ebay, but the last thing I need is another visit from the FBI, amiright?

Don't stress too much about the Evil Red-Eyed Gay Clown taking over; I'm pretty sure Rick Santorum is gonna lose the floor fight at the convention.

Keith said...

Think we have a "CW" network franchise in the works ... Atlantis, brain chipping, gay clowns, tattooed mark of beast and spaceships powered by diamonds.

Diamonds, as Anita Loos once said, are a girl's best friend. Well, they are a screenwriter's best friend as well.

Miss Guam said...

The commenter didn't specifically say the name but a lot of the things about evil demons and gay clowns is from exposure to Cirque de Soleil.

Rich said...

Hmm, I've definitely heard of spirits going the other way. I had theorized that G.W. Bush was too odious for Lucifer to involve himself with directly, so he commissioned Beelzebub to be Bush's Department Head and Beelzebub appointed Mammon to be Bush's direct supervisor. That way, when Bush or Cheney wants to brag to the devil of his evil deeds (The devil doesn't make bad people do bad things, they do bad things and brag to the devil about what they've done), he does it to Mammon, who occasionally finds the tales of Bush's evil deeds worth passing up his chain of command.
Why is Mammon, an ancient Babylonian god, serving as a demon, you ask? Good question! When Mammon ran out of followers, he applied for a new gig with the new evil guy in town.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The greys got sick of flying on Delta and started their own airline.
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

underneath mariana trench (atlantis is here)

Wouldn't that make it Paciftis?

Also, needs more Deros.

Li'l Innocent said...

I think this person is the real thing. The genuine manure. The definite article. Although the level of satirical comment around here is very high, who among us can summon that indefinable air of Total Elsewhere that this talented person creates?

And the possibilities not only for a franchise, but for fine illustration, in the manner of Kelly Freas/Maxfield Parrish/Hieronymous Bosch/Mort Drucker, are legion. I was especially taken with "airplanes that go down are hit by demons because they need the airspace to fight Jesus". Now that's what I call a narrative begging for a large mural treatment.

Stacia said...

evil red-eye antichrist with white powder on his face will come to power. this clown is gay.

Yeah, that's not taken straight from "The Powerpuff Girls" at all.

Some of the ravings sound a lot like what a former landlord of mine believed. He'd see us on the internet and rant about how it was designed to allow the government to chip us so we could be catalogued after Armageddon in 2000. When I made fun of him at work, I discovered I had a co-worker who believed some of the same things, thanks to the Left Behind books IIRC.

I'm totally on board for the dinosaurs, though.

doxastic said...

Man, the History Channel is getting weirder and weirder.

Anonymous said...

Whoever wrote that was trying too hard to be funny. The key to good satire is to keep a sheen of believability and this guy had it for his first paragraph, but after that he jumped straight into ridiculousness and it became dumb. You'll get better stuff than this just by reading your local newspaper's online comments.

Tina said...

For Bill S's problem:

First thing I'd really want to know is the exact text of the rror, but absent that, there's a couple other things that come to mind...

#1) Did he recently turn off Javascript (or update his browser which may've set it off by default)?

#2) Is he running Firefox and using NoScript or some similar addon?

first one should be easy enough to find in browser options, regardless of browser.

In the second case, making sure www.blogger.com is on the whitelist (and www.google.com for the captcha) would be the first thing I'd try.

Carl said...

Also, is he posting from work or home? Cuz it's possible his employer has set up a firewall or other censoring service that sees commenting here as DANGER! DANGER!