Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Toward a Radical Re-Interpretation of Just For Men Mustache Dye

Smear of greasepaint Joseph Farah is giddy with his own bad self, for he has written a naughty headline at internet snake oil dealership, WorldNetDaily.  But don't worry about slipping into a fugue state after reading his outrageous, paradigm-shifting words, because on advice of counsel he spends the first paragraph talking you down like you're on a bad acid trip.  So relax.  Take some vitamin B complex.  If you've got a beer, drink it.  And put on some Allman Brothers.
Live like George Zimmerman
Exclusive: Joseph Farah says shooter behaved as men should in a self-governing society
While Joseph behaves as Maoists do in a free society, since there was a long lived graffito in downtown L.A., applied to a overpass pylon during the whole "Gang of Four" business in 1976, that read, "Jiang Qing, Live like Her!"  This was replaced about four years later, presumably by dues-paying members of the Revolutionary Communist Party, USA, with the slogan, "Bob Avakian: Live like Him!"  I absorbed these messages at a formative time in my life, and by 1980 I didn't know who to live like, so instead I adopted the Depression Era motto of the National Restaurant Association: "Enjoy Life--Eat Out More Often."
I know that’s a provocative headline – especially when all the facts on the Trayvon Martin case are not yet in.
But it's not like the facts could ever boomerang and make this sentiment seem stupid and short-sighted.  It's just like Joseph's earliest money-making scheme, back in 1966 (before he started selling the crisis seed banks, the secret karate moves the government doesn't want you to know about, and the perpetual motion Galtian solar engines you can make from stuff found in your junk drawer), his line of "Live like Richard Speck" t-shirts.  Oh sure, some unsavory things came out at the subsequent trial, but these rugged Beefy-Ts remained a popular item pretty much everywhere they were sold, except in certain Chicago-area nursing school gift shops.
However, as we learn more about this case, it is becoming clearer every day that George Zimmerman was not only defending himself against a vicious attack when he shot Martin, he was doing so while attempting to be a good citizen, a Good Samaritan, watching out for his family, friends and neighbors.
That's pretty much the lesson I drew from the parable of the Good Samaritan, and it bugs me that people focus on the protagonist helping that one injured man, rather than focusing on all the men he injured along the way.  It's like the complaint lodged by Peter Graves Impersonator Bryan Fischer that the Pentagon has totally "feminiz[ed] of Medal of Honor," because "every Medal of Honor awarded during these two conflicts has been awarded for saving life. Not one has been awarded for inflicting casualties on the enemy. Not one."

Clearly, there's only one cure for this misunderstood, vulva-ized parable, and that's an action movie.  I'm just spitballing here, but I see a kind of Superfly-style poster, with the Samaritan standing in the foreground, holding a bloody sword and giving the camera a hard look while a woman clings to his leg, and the tagline reads: "To You, He's a Good Samaritan.  But to Them...He's Bad News!"
Since the facts of the case clearly no longer support the hysterical claims of Al Sharpton, Spike Lee and Jesse Jackson that Zimmerman stalked Trayvon Martin and murdered him in cold blood because he was black, there is a new fallback narrative emerging from the media. It goes like this: “Well, the police dispatcher advised Zimmerman not to follow the suspicious person and let them handle it. If he only had listened to the authorities, Martin would still be alive and Zimmerman would not be facing second-degree murder charges.”

Nonsense.
In a self-governing society, the police are not the boss of you, and aren't allowed to tell you who you may and may not hunt within the confines of your own gated community.  The most they can do is issue you a ticket if you bag more than your limit (although, if you shoot a teenage girl, they may ask to see your doe license).
No. 1: We don’t know that Zimmerman was still following Martin. Martin may have been following Zimmerman, for all we know.
It could have been a wacky French style farce, playing out on the streets of Sanford, Florida, with Feydeau's trademark slamming doors replaced by the sound of fatal gunshots.
No. 2. This is what police say all the time. It’s what the Nanny State-types persuade Americans to do: “Just let the police handle it. This is our job. We’re trained to deal with these matters.”
That's exactly what police detective Christopher George said to embittered Vietnam Vet Robert Ginty in the 1980 film The Executioner, when he advised Robert not to go into crackhouses and roast hopheads at close range with his homemade flame-thrower.  I like to think this typical Carter-era scene was the pivot that turned viewers against the Nanny State and helped to spark the Reagan Revolution, leading ultimately to more "Stand Your Ground" legislation, and fewer FDA busybodies poking their noses into poultry slaughterhouses.
What we have as a result of that kind of programing is the beginning of the end of a self-governing society in which neighbor watches out for neighbor and citizens take personal responsibility.
I agree with Joseph.  Society was much stronger back before the state shoehorned itself into personal issues like who killed who, and murders were avenged by family members, leading to feuds that could last for years, because the cornerstone of civilization is the family, and nothing brings a family together like having a tradition.  Ours was cottage cheese and lime Jell-O salad at Thanksgiving, while yours might be a multi-generation blood vendetta.
Not too long ago, I saw a suspicious pickup truck parked in front of my property. I went out to see what was up. Naturally, I took my two best friends, Smith and Wesson, with me.
He also tried inviting his other close buds, Ass and Hole, but they've learned through hard experience to screen their calls.
Over the years, I’ve had to chase many suspicious people off my property or out of my gated community.
Most of them were rather transparently disguised as "UPS Delivery Men," "Paperboys," or "Neighbors."
I never had to shoot any of them. But I was always armed and ready to do that if they attacked me.

That appears to be what happened with George Zimmerman.
You're jealous, aren't you?
We shouldn’t be demeaning such men. We shouldn’t be booking them for second-degree murder. We shouldn’t be putting bounties on their heads. We shouldn’t be calling them racists. We shouldn’t be railroading them through the justice system.

We should be thanking them.

We should be rewarding them.

We should be honoring them. Because this is the way men are supposed to behave in a self-governing society.
Remember, "The Only Way You'll Get My Gun is When You Pry It from My Cold, Dead Hand.  Which, Coincidentally, Will Also Be the Way I'll Get Your Skittles."

19 comments:

Christopher said...

Well that's... perverse. This incident illustrates the good side of vigilante justice the same way Chernobyl illustrated the good side of nuclear power.

Joseph Farrah's kind of an asshole.

Ivan G. Shreve, Jr. said...

Oh sure, some unsavory things came out at the subsequent trial, but these rugged Beefy-Ts remained a popular item pretty much everywhere they were sold, except in certain Chicago-area nursing school gift shops.

I'll be chuckling about this for the rest of the week.

Carl said...

I adopted the Depression Era motto of the National Restaurant Association: "Enjoy Life--Eat Out More Often."

Also, the best advice for a happy marriage you'll ever read.

Live like George Zimmerman

Fat, lazy and drunk is no way to go through life, son. Nor is pornstached.

However, as we learn more about this case, it is becoming clearer every day that George Zimmerman was not only defending himself against a vicious attack when he shot Martin, he was doing so while attempting to be a good citizen, a Good Samaritan, watching out for his family, friends and neighbors.

I bet his neighbors are lining up to thank him, shivs in hand.

"To You, He's a Good Samaritan. But to Them...He's Bad News!"

"In a world where the Way of Blood is marked in gold and gore..."

In a self-governing society, the police are not the boss of you, and aren't allowed to tell you who you may and may not hunt within the confines of your own gated community.

It's like those ranches where rich people like Dick Cheney can bag big game safely. Indeed, if you think about it, it's just an extension of the Whittington incident. Nicely played, Mr Zimmerman!

Society was much stronger back before the state shoehorned itself into personal issues like who killed who, and murders were avenged by family members, leading to feuds that could last for years, because the cornerstone of civilization is the family, and nothing brings a family together like having a tradition.

"Paging Mr Hatfield! Mr McCoy is on line one with a script treatment!" (Actually, I shouldn't laugh. This might revive Kevin Costner's career)

That appears to be what happened with George Zimmerman

Of course! George Zimmerman parked his SUV a half mile from his lawn in order to preemptively keep "those kids" off it! How could America be so blind?

Carl said...

@Christopher

"Kind of"? He's "kind of" an asshole the way Chernobyl was "kind of" a terrible tragic life threatening mistake.

Stacia said...

Ours was cottage cheese and lime Jell-O salad at Thanksgiving, while yours might be a multi-generation blood vendetta.

Is this where I mention I'm a McCoy? I don't know any details, just that I'm related to the same part of the family that once-famous trumpeter Clyde McCoy was related to.

Anyway, back on topic, I never know whether this Farah asshole is fabricating or lying. Way back before anyone came up with the wrong address for Zimmerman, even before the 911 calls were released, local media was reporting that Zimmerman had been told to not follow Martin. It's not a "new" tactic.

Jeez, when we had a suspicious car (never seen before, expired license from across the state, parked and left for 10 days without moving) I called the police, and neighbors considered that to be overkill. I can't imagine approaching the situation with a GUN. What the hell is wrong with this guy to make him carry a gun all the time?

Knowing him, he's lying about it just to sound badass.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Farah needs a kick in the balls from our self-governing society.
~

Helmut Monotreme said...

Because in a self governing society, everyone carries a gun. Everyone is a steely eyed hero that can hit their moving target at 50 yards at night in the rain with a pistol. Everyone is a trained police officer able to tell the difference between 'minding their own business, going about their day, and maybe buying some skittles' and 'malicious loitering with aggravated blackness and offensive hoodie wearing'.

How bout we have a society where those people who want to keep the peace are psychologically screened to throw out the sadists, racists and power-mad, and then extensively trained in how to ask what someone is doing without sending them to the morgue?

Jim Donahue said...

He carried Smith and Wesson-- a box of Smith Bros cough drops and bottle of Wesson oil. (You don't want to know why.)

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

claims of Al Sharpton, Spike Lee and Jesse Jackson that Zimmerman stalked Trayvon Martin and murdered him in cold blood because he was black, there is a new fallback narrative emerging from the media. It goes like this: “Well, the police dispatcher advised Zimmerman not to follow the suspicious person and let them handle it. If he only had listened to the authorities, Martin would still be alive and Zimmerman would not be facing second-degree murder charges.”

Farah, those things are not exclusive, and they are contemporaneous.

KWillow said...

Jeez, imagine stopping in front a friend's house, waiting for her/him to join you for a drive to the beach. Then, Groucho-mustache guy comes charging at you with his S&W. What to do? Pepper spray & call 911?

professor fate said...

"Over the years, I’ve had to chase many suspicious people off my property or out of my gated community."

why do I get the sense that nobody else could see a lot of these suspicious people? I'm sure a lot of the folks in his gated community take to there basements when he starts wandering around gun in hand infrared googles on his head screaming about elves.

D. Sidhe said...

You know, my uncle used to confront punks who had parked on his street, gun in hand. He eventually had an armed stand-off with the local SWAT team and spent the rest of his life in an institution yelling profanities at the young and the colored staffers and not getting any extra pudding, ever. The neighbors were relieved.

Honestly, I can't imagine Farah having any family members willing to gently talk him out of the house, so what the hell, this story may have a more Made For TeeVee ending when Farah does it.

Chris Vosburg said...

One of the disputed aspects of John Lott's study of gun ownership and its effect on crime rates back in the nineties was that he assembled his data by asking gun owners how often they used their weapons for crimestopping purposes.

A whole lot, according to those surveyed, and I wondered at their colorful lifestyles at the time, before concluding that all the color was in their imaginations: there was never any police arrest data coresponding to their stated actions.

These are people who shoot at a rustle in the backyard as a marauding squirrel comes over the wall or shoot at the woodpile 'cause there might be be a nigger in it.

Sick bunch of buckboards*, the lot of 'em.

*h/t Annti.

Li'l Innocent said...

That's exactly what police detective Christopher George said to embittered Vietnam Vet Robert Ginty in the 1980 film The Executioner, when he advised Robert not to go into crackhouses and roast hopheads at close range with his homemade flame-thrower. I like to think this typical Carter-era scene was the pivot that turned viewers against the Nanny State and helped to spark the Reagan Revolution, leading ultimately to more "Stand Your Ground" legislation, and fewer FDA busybodies poking their noses into poultry slaughterhouses.

As succinct a rendering of our Late 20th C. National Decline, Part III, as I've seen. You're rolling, Scott.

Hey, it would be fun to get Farah and Dr. Mike together, no?

Scott said...

Hey, it would be fun to get Farah and Dr. Mike together, no?

Yes. Particularly in an auto press.

Chris Vosburg said...

Just let the police handle it. This is our job. We’re trained to deal with these matters.

In Clint Eastwood's numerous Dirty Harry movies, he's A COP WHO PLAYS BY HIS OWN RULES!

In short, he is remarkably close to a simple vigilante, with cover of law. The scenarios resolved by Harry Callahan could not, in real life, be reasonably expected to turn out as they do. Lucky for him he is a fictional character in a movie.

I have no doubt that George Zimmerman ran the Dirty Harry mantras in his head when on "patrol" or "watch" or whatever he called it. You would almost have to do it, walking around the neighborhood with a heater bulging in your waistband: "What's it gonna be punk?"

What he is enduring now is something Callahan never had to endure: the real world, and the consequence of killing another human being for no good reason.

Li'l Innocent said...

"Yes. Particularly in an auto press."

Well, I was thinking maybe they'd shoot each other.

Yours is more brutally satisfying. Mine, ethically neater, I guess.

(Oh, and btw, Chris Vosburg, my offer of longterm virtual matrimony is still on the table. Comes with free Roku 'n' all the cool old TV 'tec shows you can eat.)

I await your well-reasoned response.

Note: intriguing decoder words lately. "admers" I can understand, but "ougarsts"?

Chris Vosburg said...

Yep, still able to blush after all these years. Thanks Li'l.

And as a last add on the subject of "getting Farah and Dr Mike together", I recall that Blank Reg of the Max Headroom show once dispassionately commented that corpse brokers Bruegel and Mahler were a "Nasty pair. Need their heads riveted together."

BillyWitchDoctor said...

It's like that bit from the Simpsons episode "Bart Gets Hit By a Car," in which Mr. Burns testifies under oath that Bart purposely and maliciously defied all of Burns' heroic attempts to keep from running him over.

...Farah, huh? Sounds kinda Middle-Eastern if you ask me. Better not catch that n****r buying candy in my neighborhood. I'll "live like Zimmerman" and "stand my ground" if you know what I mean.

Because I am Internet Tough Guy.