Friday, September 21, 2012

Project Funway - Part Deux

Vivienne Vyvanse Presents ... London Fashion Week!
Hello again. It's great to be back in St. John's Wood after that horrible episode with NY Fashion Week and my nonfeasant, derelict sponsor (AARP). To keep things moving along: I was run over by the M-15 downtown bus on Ninth Avenue outside Lincoln Center. Well, my foot was run over. The bitches at Roosevelt Hospital gave me a baggie full of Motrin and discharged me. I went back to my very sub-standard hotel (the Milford Plaza at 45th and Eighth Ave.) and after struggling to sleep, woke up to discover bed-bug bites on my arms and ankles. Then asked the concierge the location of nearest public house. That's all I can summon from memory.

After the press coverage of my rescue from the industrial garbage bin (there was an abortion or something wrapped in a blanket in there as well) I was quickly deported from the United States. The detour through Bahgram, Afghanistan and the subsequent amputation of three toes is of no concern here.

Because London is swinging again! And we're back to report it!

There are several offerings for Spring/Summer 2013 any fashionista would be foolish to ignore:
We in London do have our share of surveillance cameras on every block so of course we must present our very best in addition to protecting ourselves from whatever else the security boffins have installed. It's no guess as to why "Radio-Frequency-Insulated" millinery is making its comeback this season with a vengeance.
Unless you go in for "climate change denial" why not incorporate a bit of common sense into your wardrobe for Spring/Summer 2013? This artful designer has achieved the perfect symbiosis of elegance and protection from  mosquito-borne diseases. My understanding is that Neiman-Marcus (the Dallas, USA retailer) has put in a requisition for several hundred of these. 

Now if you do go out for that special stroll and don't want to risk tripping over the netting here's another option to consider.  While the eyes may be the window to the soul, this fetching dress is the screen door to the crotch.

In closing, I must mention the most frequently-discussed and most controversial style of the Spring/Summer 2013 season: "Infantile Regression!"

Tawdry Victorian streetwalker or nursery rhyme shepherdess?  Now you can be both, with the Little Ho-Peep Collection!
  
And remember always, if you must ask the price you can't afford it. Kiss-Kiss & many Hugs,
Vivienne

9 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

the screen door to the crotch.

Snert!
~

Ugluks Flea said...

Wow, those cosplay pageants at Comicon are getting more competitive every year.

Wait, what?

Chris Vosburg said...

Good Lord, those are some scary looking human beings.

They are human, right?

Little Ho-Peep, hee hee, nice one.

Li'l Innocent said...

Brilliant commentary, Viv. These pictures bear out my suspicions about the world fashion professionals inhabit, where the scheduled substances dangle from the tip of every twig.

The top one, though... Aside from the fact that I'm usually more symmetrical, I have a shot at that look. After all, I once walked into our local branch of Lord & Taylor (the shoe department, IIRC) in a torn Army surplus parka and wet fatigue pants heavily stained with compost. I did it with great elan.

Anonymous said...

Viv,
Thanks a million, dahling.
I couldn't make London this year (a thing in Myanmar)and needed to be kept au fait.
Maybe a teensy bit OTT but as always right on What The Street is Wearing.
Milan looks like it is going to be all D&G - so Retro.
We'll do gelatos there, dear.
Kisses. SuezB

Chris Vosburg said...

Lil writes: The top one, though... Aside from the fact that I'm usually more symmetrical, I have a shot at that look. After all, I once walked into our local branch of Lord & Taylor (the shoe department, IIRC) in a torn Army surplus parka and wet fatigue pants heavily stained with compost. I did it with great elan.

Humph. Let's see you pull off wearing a Hefty Trash Bag with the same poise as the girl in the first photo does.

But it's especially the third photo that throws me; sixties movie "Creation of the Humanoids" comes to mind.

She's really creepy looking. Well, yes, they all are, but still.

Chris Vosburg said...

Re third photo:

Actually, it's more Metropolis, and that really is creepy.

Li'l Innocent said...

Chris Vee wonders if I could carry off the Hefty Trash Bag motif as well as the girl in Pic 1.

Could be. I think that my ensemble at Lord & Taylor, referenced above, may have included a really big, very dirty men's hanky sticking out of one parka pocket.

As to Photo 3 -- that little lady looks like she's been consuming nothing but thin gruel, crusts rejected by rats, and amphetamine for some weeks. Hope for her sake it's an illusion. The False Maria of "Metropolis" as I remember her anyway, had more vitality even when she was entirely metal.

Carl said...

Psst...

The M-15 runs along First and Second Avenues, not Ninth.