Monday, September 3, 2012

Stop Smoking! I Provide You People Black Lung Free of Charge!

By Keith
World's richest woman says those who are jealous of her wealth should 'stop drinking, stop smoking and work harder'
A bit of hyperbole from the headline crafter: She's really Australia's richest woman. (I believe America's richest woman is Lady Gaga. Or Anne Romeny?)
The richest woman in Australia has caused a storm by calling her struggling fellow countrymen 'whingers' and telling them to get out of the pub and work harder.

In her regular column in Australian Resources and Investment magazine, she warns that Australia risks heading down the same path as European economies ruined by 'socialist' policies, high taxes and excessive regulation.
Gina, according to the Canberra Times, your industry and holdings have benefited quite spectacularly from government subsidies:
And then there is the $4 billion a year in subsidies that we give the miners. While our politicians talk endlessly about the support given to the car industry, and what that may or may not say about our approach to protectionism, the fact is the mining industry receives far more taxpayer support than the car industry. And for what?

The purpose of a subsidy is to encourage more of something, but you can't pick up a newspaper without reading a whinge from the mining industry about the shortage of skilled labour. So, if there is a shortage of miners and construction workers, why would we be subsidising its already rapid expansion?
In addition to the direct tax subsidies we give away, our state and federal governments are quick to pay for the ''infrastructure'' that the miners need. Infrastructure usually refers to the kinds of networks, roads, rail, electricity and water that connect us. The 'infrastructure' that the miners get, however, doesn't so much connect them to us, but to their foreign customers.
Ouch, Gina. Sounds like "socialism" to me. BTW, how much in taxes do you pay? Or are you a "Mittens" kind of operator with cash parked with off-shore shell companies incorporated in the Cayman or Channel Isles?
'There is no monopoly on becoming a millionaire,' writes Mrs Rinehart, who has built a $20 billion-plus mining empire since inheriting lucrative tenements from her father, Lang Hancock, in 1992.
Gee, Ms. Rinehart, it must have been great back in the day, hanging out with Olivia Newton-John and Kiri Te Kenawa. Did you gals try roller-skating about the wharfs surrounding the Sydney Opera House? Tripping over cracks in asphalt? Bonding through shared vomit?
Her Majesty Elizabeth II:  Ah, excellent!  I asked for a command performance by the biggest asshole in Australia, and I see the Governor-General has not let me down!
'If you're jealous of those with more money, don't just sit there and complain. Do something to make more money yourself - spend less time drinking or smoking and socialising, and more time working.'
Right!  I'm going to put down this Amstel Light and finally start that 12-step program of self-improvement.

Step 1:  Be born to a rich daddy who owns tenements.

Step 2:  Cut off all contact with friends.  I used to think they were a fun and humanizing influence, but now I realize they're just obstacles to success who are dragging me down and preventing me from achieving my goal of being fathered by a millionaire slumlord.

Anyway, from the above rantings attributed to Gina R., this correspondent concludes:

(1) Miss Thing drinks a litre of whiskey a day (with back-ups hidden in chandeliers);

(2) Smokes two packs of Lucky Strikes each and every day, flown in on skids from Bahrain without duty;

(3) Has "people" to manage the elaborate finances and day-to-day fucked up world of the mining industry. (People who have people/they're they luckiest people in the world.)

For now let's assume our subject of today's treatment is constantly "hung," (as Auntie Mame might remark to Patrick), is suffering from COPD and perhaps on an oxygen tank or three, and has never, ever worked a goddamn day in her life, except perhaps color-coding her dad's dossiers on his worst union enemies in the Australian mining industry.

All that Crayola high-lighting certainly paid off: "She makes more than £630,000 every 30 minutes, say financial experts."

Ms. Reinhart: I have some advice for this weekend. Do not, under any circumstance, go trolling the pubs. Follow your pattern of drinking at home with the shades all drawn and in total darkness. Should you encounter reality you might get your ass whipped by the hide of "Fred's friend‚" and that hide has been out curing on the shed for 50+ years or so. The reason I mention this is because, according to the Canberra Times newspaper, you've laid-off quite a bit of your workforce. They will be waiting for you, with squeaky shoes!
When commodity prices fell during the global financial crisis the first thing the mining industry did was sack thousands of their workers. Indeed, according to Treasury, if all industries had been as quick to punt their employees as the mining industry the unemployment rate would have hit 19 per cent rather than its peak of 5.9 per cent.
As Australia's richest woman, I assume you have access to the finest health care available, but this photo worries me, because -- judging by the beaming pride with which you display your most recent stool sample --
 -- you could very likely benefit from adding a bit of roughage to your diet.  And while I don't wish to seem impertinent -- your interest in curbing the vices of your social inferiors says all that need be said about your sincere commitment to good health -- you do look rather -- I don't want to say "sweaty," but perhaps a trifle "glowy" for a woman wearing pearls in a posed publicity photo.  Have you tried a diuretic? On your morning walks to kick pigeons and koalas, do you sweat profusely? I've heard that excessive perspiration leads to a higher incidence of attack by crocodiles.

Anyway, I always applaud women who are successful in business, but you, my dear, come off as something akin to a three-card monty gamer. Gina, if you're not an artist, don't run scams.

Happy Labor Day Weekend, everyone.

9 comments:

Doc Logan said...

Well, I'm motivated. I'm going to open a guillotine shop.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear. My first thought was "with all that money, can't she afford a haircut?"
I fear this marks me as a superficial girly non-feminist who should probably turn in my "Sisterhood" badge. Snif.
And I do truly understand why she is the Poster Child for anti-capitalism on Labor Day.
Suezboo

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ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

You, too, can grind the working class under the heels of your boots!
~

Carl said...

She should stop whinging about whingers and push away from the dinner table before that fourth ham hock and try to get some exercise. It will help with her constipation.

KWillow said...

Incredible how the "owners" of companies like mines, who never put in a days hard physical labor in their disgusting lives, think all workers -and particularly the ones actually crawling around underground digging coal- are "lazy"

Cole said...

I had a friend who used to wisecrack that Australian got all the criminals and assorted ne'er-do-wells, while the US got all the religious and political wackadoos, and he really envied the Aussies for coming out ahead on that deal.

Not sure what I think of that now, except to note that there doesn't seem to be much difference in the outcomes.

Cole said...

Oh dear. My first thought was "with all that money, can't she afford a haircut?"

Super Rich and Super Poor have much in common, apparently.

If you are so rich that your survival is guaranteed, poor personal hygiene is a big ole FUCK YOU to society at large--"I'm so important I am beyond the bounds of social contracts."

If you are so poor that your survival is under continuous threat, poor personal hygiene is a big old FUCK YOU from society at large--"You're so unimportant that you are beyond the bounds of social contracts."

pastor maker said...

Actually , Rinehart is the richest woman in the world.