Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Hollywood Parade Confidential

The venerable Hollywood Christmas Parade has come and gone, and thanks to some grainy, Zapruder-like shots of the backstage area, Wo'C got a glimpse of the contentious, off-the-record tussle between the Media and certain besieged celebrities that took place just before the event:
REPORTER:  Mr. Kermit!  What was your reaction to the recent accusations against Elmo!
KERMIT:  No comment!  I said,  no comment!
REPORTER:  But why won't you address the growing concern about --
KERMIT:  Because I have the right as a Muppet to have no comment and who the hell are you to tell me I can or not?  Besides, I don't even know this "Elmo"...
ELMO:  Hey, Kermit!  Buddy!  Over here!

KERMIT:  Look...Whatever allegations may have been made in other contexts or venues, they have no relevance to the current situation, and do not in any way reflect on the integrity of the Hollywood Christmas Pa--
SMURF:  I've got a vagina!
GRINCH:  Yesss...Yes you do...

16 comments:

Carl said...

YOu mean LA is less gay than NYC?

M. Bouffant said...

Spider-Man & Uncle Sam ("something something/band on the run ...") must be very close friends.

And just when did the inflated animated puppet celebs get into our parade? This is news to me, but the few times I've been to the parade I watched from the safety of the Frolic Room.

Scott said...

M., seems to have been right around the time Disney stepped in to fund the Parade.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Our culture, it needs some sort of cleansing!
~

Chris Vosburg said...

There's something vaguely unsettling about a flaccid Smurf.

Scott said...

And yet, I somehow find it more reassuring than a fully turgid Smurf.

Doc Logan said...

The observation that the phrase "cellar door" is the most beautiful of all phrases in the English Language has been variously attributed to J.R.R. Tolkien, H.L. Mencken and Edgar Allan Poe.

This is because none of these gentlemen ever heard the phrase "turgid Smurf".

Debbi said...

It's like the Macy's parade, only with flaccid Smurfs with vaginas. Awesome!

Hurray for Hollywood! :)

M. Bouffant said...

Is there anything Disney doesn't have its paws on/little mouse claws in?

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Only what Sony doesn't own, M.

Beautifully-articulated narrative, Scott. Poifect.

Weird Dave said...

Keep your Smurf to yourself.

Grouchy Smurf said...

I HATE flaccidity.

Chris Vosburg said...

Doc Logan writes: The observation that the phrase "cellar door" is the most beautiful of all phrases in the English Language has been variously attributed to J.R.R. Tolkien, H.L. Mencken and Edgar Allan Poe.

Okay, this has been driving me crazy for a couple days now, because I recall reading a scene in a detective novel where the detective questions an Italian immigrant, and in the course of the interrogation, is told by the Italian immigrant that the first time he heard the word "cellar door", he thought it must be the most beautiful thing ever, simply because it sounded so wonderful, though he had no idea what it meant.

Was it Hammett? Chandler?

Google was no help, and I wonder now, and increasingly suspect that it was in the canon of the man who invented the genre:

Arthur Conan Doyle, beating out Mencken, Poe, and Tolkien.

Chris Vosburg said...

Having said that, I finally remembered:

It was actually in in a novel titled "Yours Truly, Jack the Ripper" written by Pamela West in 1987.

Yes, I admit it, I'm a Ripperhead. A fanboy of the story of the unsolved ripper cases of the late 19th century in London.

The novel featured an inspector who fell in love with the last ripper victim, Mary Kelly, and fingered as the ripper a member of the royal family, and laid out a Masonic justification for, and coverup of the crimes.

If you've seen Alan Moore's graphic novel or the movie based on it, "From Hell", this may sound sort of familiar, and I have no doubt that Alan Moore read this novel and drew from it for his work.

Oh, and "From Hell" is a terrific movie and highly recommended.

Incidentally, Fire Dog Lake inhabitants will find among the producer credits a familiar name [laughing], and thanks again, Jane.

heydave said...

Thanks, but for the turgid smurf stuff, I'll go back to ponder the blunderbuss gals.

KWillow said...

Remember my "Mall-themed Wedding"? No one seemed to think it as amusing as Me, but, guess what!

Denny's read my comment obviously....

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/11/30/uk-usa-dennys-lasvegas-idUSLNE8AT00P20121130