Friday, November 30, 2012

I Now Pronounce You Man and Moons Over My Hammy®

Our friend KWillow mentioned this in comments to the previous post, but I thought it deserved a bump to the front page.  First, let's set up the clip:
Remember my "Mall-themed Wedding"?
Absolutely, K.  It was one of the wittiest (and yet, oddly, most practical) of the many amusing responses to Mary's Ultimate Wedding Theme Smackdown Challenge:

I like the idea of a wedding in a Mall Food Court, and not a fancy-schmancy mall in Hollywood neither, more like a mall in, say... Reno, or Fresno CA... Orange Julius/Dairy Queen will provide the ice-cream-cone wedding cake, Sbarro's will share food catering with Hot Pot Asian cuisine, McDonald's will bestow the "bibelots" from their Happy Meals on the Bride's (dress from Hot Topic, accessories from Claire's) friends. Grooms clothes will come from Tuxedo Junction and Bridesmaids dresses from Victoria's Secret.

Shoes from Payless Shoe Barn (half-off 2nd pair!). Bridal bouquet from Michael's: it'll never wither!
Liquor will be cheap "white wine" and "rose" from a box, purchased at a nearby Walmart (tho not a part of the mall, the price was too good to pass up!) "André" will be the champagne for toasting the happy couple, with Orange Julius stepping in with complimentary OJ.
Ohhh, K...What gossamer threads of whimsy and fantasy you weave with your delirious flights of fan--

I'm sorry, you had a follow-up?
Denny's read my comment obviously....
Oh oh...
Denny's new Las Vegas restaurant puts weddings on the menu
Denny's, the 24-hour American diner, opened a restaurant on Thursday in Las Vegas with a wedding chapel where couples can tie the knot after a meal of bacon, peanut butter and bananas between two slices of French toast finished off with a bacon vodka chaser.
So apparently, holding a solemn wedding ceremony requires not only planning, but also the purchase of an entree and beverage.  There are only two problems I can see with this approach. 1.) if you serve the food and drinks first, then Uncle Roger will puke on the Maid of Honor during the ceremony rather than the reception, so you might want to go with a patterned fabric for the bridesmaid dresses, and bear in mind that muted, autumnal hues generally do the best job of hiding the stains of half-digested bacon and peanut butter French Toastandwiches®.  And 2.) If the pre-wedding reception takes place before 5 PM, they might not honor my Coffee Coupon.
The restaurant is near the Las Vegas strip on historic downtown Fremont Street. Its modern curves, neon and steel are meant to fit in with the city's "over the top" feel
That'll be a refreshing change.  If there's one criticism I might level at the typical Denny's, it's that the architecture and appointments are a trifle bespoke. 
"A normal Denny's is not going to cut it in Vegas," she said, adding that the restaurant is the first of 1,700 Denny's worldwide that will have a wedding chapel and photo booth. It is one of fewer than 50 Denny's with a full bar.
Only 50?  It's rather shocking to realize that in most Denny's today -- thanks to antiquated blue laws and restrictive zoning -- it's impossible to get cut in the face with a broken beer bottle, and the average customer must still -- in 2012! -- settle for getting shanked in the parking lot. 
The restaurant's neighbours include a zip line that carries visitors above street-level traffic and a restaurant that holds a Guinness Record for the highest-calorie burger. The area soon expects to have what is being billed as the world's largest gay nightclub.
"Woo!  I'm really digging this hard house!  So...!  You come to Denny's often?"

Book your wedding now, and be eligible to dine from our Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Menu (for a limited time only), featuring such middle earthy fare as the Hobbit Hole Breakfast Scramble, and Gandalf's Gobble Melt.

13 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

Did you get that Denny's flier in your L.A. Times direct-mail advertising lump too?

No wonder the Tolkien estate is getting pissy.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

And an ad to get Denny's coupons, too!

WoC is a one-stop shop.
~

Li'l Innocent said...

I don't get Denny's flyers (they're not a big presence locally), but if they're really going that route - and they are, I just googled it, sheese - maybe they should re-think. The Tolkien Estate may be a tiny outfit working out of an Oxford solicitor's office, but they got large numbers of samolians from their first go-round with Warner Bros, and they aren't afraid to spend them on further court cases. If "Hobbit" slot machines are actionable, Denny's are on a friggin' skinny bridge over a fiery chasm with "Shire sausage".

Li'l Innocent said...

I don't get Denny's flyers (they're not a big presence locally), but if they're really going that route - and they are, I just googled it, sheese - maybe they should re-think. The Tolkien Estate may be a tiny outfit working out of an Oxford solicitor's office, but they got large numbers of samolians from their first go-round with Warner Bros, and they aren't afraid to spend them on further court cases. If "Hobbit" slot machines are actionable, Denny's are on a friggin' skinny bridge over a fiery chasm with "Shire sausage".

Li'l Innocent said...

Woops, sorry.

acrannymint said...

What is a bacon vodka chaser? I like bacon and vodka as much as the next girl but not in the same drink

Weird Dave said...

...finished off with a bacon vodka chaser.

I wish I could over-estimate American good taste like that.

Weird Dave said...

And I hope you guys get paid for this

Chris Vosburg said...

It is one of fewer than 50 Denny's with a full bar.

I'd wondered about this, and since you're in Hollywood, you're in luck, Scott:

Haven't been there in like thirty years, but there is, at Sunset and Van Ness, the only Denny's I've ever been to which included a pretty decent cocktail lounge, all red leather booths and dim lighting, with bartender on duty, and you could order breakfast in the bar.

I recommend to any tourists reading this the pizza omelet with your bloody mary, as you shake off the hangover and the girl you picked up the night before at the Frolic Room, who has somehow become not nearly as attractive as she was last night (and neither are you!).

Back in the day, I'm afraid I did this many times. Ah well, good times, good times [laughing].

KWillow said...

I was at the Food Court of the Reno mall a while back, and I could clearly visualize the wedding there, except now there is a little carousel there, which has 3 animals for little kids to "ride". It costs a dollar-a-minute. And at the Hotdog OnaStick they gave me lemonaid which was pure, concentrated lemon juice. Imagine a person's face when they take a slug of that at the Wedding Toast. (I complained to the clerk there, but she tasted some lemonaid from the dispenser and pronounced it "fine". I guess she showed me.

But a wedding at Denny's surpasses it all by far. The Fry cook could perform the ceremony and the Waitresses would be "flower girls", only instead of flowers they'd carry coffee pots. Or... hmmm. Instead of the very expensive carousel, the wedding's kids would be entertained with the also very expensive CLAW Machine, and placemats to color on with crayons in all colors of red, yellow and blue.

I've had FLU all week, and typing this wore me out.

Anonymous said...

Being Denny's, I guess it'll be a white wedding, IYKWIM.

heydave said...

It's "Bakon" vodka, I believe. And the stuff is only great when mixed in bloody Mary's. On it's own, a shot at room temp or frozen? Gag-a-riffic!

Yes, I tried.

Carl said...

I foresee a sequel to the Adam Sandler movie The Wedding Singer...