[Originally published November 4, 2005]
Swank o' the DayIt’s the weekend, so let’s get crazy with Swank, who still hasn’t recovered from Halloween (he never should have watched Satan’s Cheerleaders* while drinking Old Dad and snorting Pixie Stix).
America’s Dem-nable Pit
If Dems sit upon America’s throne, we will have:
Abortion clinics on every corner.
Wow, that’s a lot of abortion clinics! In my town, we don’t have anything on every corner, except maybe rocks (it’s probably a zoning issue). So, if you’re in the construction business, it sounds like you’ll be getting a lot of business if the Dems get their chance on the throne. Just a little tip.
Same-gender ‘marriages’ blessed on every blissful boulevard.
In my town, none of our boulevards are particularly blissful, so I guess we won’t have to worry about same-gender marriage chapels springing up next to all of our abortion clinics.
Schools engineered for European secularism cloning.
We’ll be cloning Europeans in our schools? Cool! Even if we have to do it secularly, it should make biology class a lot more interesting!
Condom machines under every lamppost.
My town does have a lot of lampposts, so I should probably invest in condom machine stocks now, before the boom.
Christmas symbols stored in underground caves in favor of “Season’s greetings” stamps on every envelope.
Underground Christmas caves? Okay, now the Pastor is just having us on.
*As seen in Better Living Through Bad Movies