Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Further Follow-up For Fumento! Fun? Feh.

Okay, I can't stand looking at that image of Michael Fumento in a Speedo anymore (and to dash Weird Dave's hope: no, it's not a joke. Not a Photoshop. Not a Hoax or Imaginary Story. It's something he did to himself, and judging by the self-satisfied smirk on his puss, he was damn proud of it!), so I need to push it down the page.

Luckily, we had follow-up piece, occasioned by Mr. Fumento's visit to World O' Crap, and the brief bitching he did about about our coverage back on his own blog.  The post itself is no great shakes, but it's worth it for the comments.

With Special Guest Star, Michael Fumento
Well, that was quick.  After we discussed Michael Fumento’s indictment of Hollywood, as viewed through the prism of the Bruce Willis actioner Live Free Or Die Hard (Although You’d Die Much Harder If You Were Being Killed By An Arab), the author himself took note of our modest effort in a post entitled Anti-Terrorism Equals Racism.  As he was kind enough to also visit our comments, I thought I would post and then address his response here:
Because I say an actor is “Arabic-looking” I’m a racist?
1. The point is that this was part of bending over backwards not to implicate Muslim terrorists.
2. Arabs are Caucasian, like me.
3. The actor in question actually played an Arab in a previous movie, Three Kings.
This accusation represents the combined intelligence of the original blogger and his idiot acolytes. I’ll bet you all split a gut laughing when those Twin Towers fell. 
Hey Michael, it’s lucky you dropped by, because today is “All About Context Day.”  (Although yesterday was “Anything Can Happen Day,” which is fun too.)
Because I say an actor is “Arabic-looking” I’m a racist?
While it’s certainly an odd thing to complain about, it doesn’tnecessarily make you a racist.  Until one considers it in context:
Meanwhile one of the few good guys in the movie, the head of the FBI team that aids our hero John McCain[sic], looks decidedly Arabic.
Since you’re disappointed that the terrorists aren’t Arabs, and irked that one of the heroes is “Arabic-looking,” that does seem to suggest that you prefer your Arabs on the business end of an RPG.
1. The point is that this was part of bending over backwards not to implicate Muslim terrorists.
Just as I wouldn’t necessarily care to read Roger Ebert’s comments on anti-terrorism policy, it appears that a person with your particular interests is equally out of his depth when attempting rudimentary film analysis.
Spoilers ahead.
The Die Hard franchise started off with one gimmick (big action picture confined to a single building) and one reveal (the bad guys are actually thieves pretending to be terrorists to confuse the authorities).  The second film (Die Hard 2:  Die Harder) involved a still-confined, but larger setting (an airport) and mercenaries who conspire to free a Noriega-like drug-running South American strongman (a relatively topical villain for 1990).  The third film (Die Hard With A Vengeance) throws out the limited location gimmick, dragging the hero all over the city of New York, but brings back the phony terrorists — in this case, a villain who unleashes a reign of terror, ostensibly in revenge for John McClane (not McCain, btw) killing his brother in the first film, all of which is designed to distract the police from a gold heist.  In only one of the films (Die Hard 2) do the bad guys have even the slightest political motivation for their crimes, and even there it’s made apparent that most of the soldiers are in it for the money.
The current film is based on a Wired magazine piece about the vulnerability of America to a massive cyber-attack.  The villains could have been Arabs I suppose, but again, terrorism was used as a red herring to conceal the grandest of grand thefts.  And given that you’re irritated by an “Arabic-looking” actor playing a high ranking FBI official, surely you wouldn’t be any happier to see one in charge of Homeland Security.  Besides — and correct me if I’m wrong — you’re looking for wild-eyed kaffiyeh-wearing terrorists setting off bombs and brandishing AK-47s, not tapping away on their laptops.
2. Arabs are Caucasian, like me.
I agree that’s a relevant point, or would be if you’d written, “Meanwhile one of the few good guys in the movie, the head of the FBI team that aids our hero John McCain, looks decidedly Caucasian.”
3. The actor in question actually played an Arab in a previous movie, Three Kings.
He’s also played a Maori, his actual ethnicity, as well as Hispanics, Italians, and a guy named “Mort Whitman.”  But like Rick and Ilsa will always have Paris, it’s clear that whenever you see Cliff Curtis, no matter what character he plays, you’ll always see an Arab.  And while we’re on the subject, Anthony Quinn, who was Mexican, played an Arab in Lawrence of Arabia, then tried passing himself off as a Greek islander in Zorba the Greek, and a Russian in Shoes of the Fisherman!  I don’t know where he got the nerve, but these terrorists are very cunning.
This accusation represents the combined intelligence of the original blogger and his idiot acolytes. I’ll bet you all split a gut laughing when those Twin Towers fell.
I don’t personally go in for acolytes, but if you’re referring to the people who are kind enough to read and comment on this site, they are not only smart, humane, and remarkably well-informed, they’re not afflicted with the same kind of blinkered, obsessive hatred that allows you to use the tragedy of 9/11 as punchline, in a petty disagreement over a movie.
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Original comments below the fold...




57 Responses to “With Special Guest Star, Michael Fumento”

My comment isn’t going to be all that witty, acerbic or intelligent, but I do have to respond:
if you’re referring to the people who are kind enough to read and comment on this site, they are not only smart, humane, and remarkably well-informed, they’re not afflicted with the same kind of blinkered, obsessive hatred that allows you to use the tragedy of 9/11 as punchline, in a petty disagreement over a movie.
Ooooh, SNAP!
“I’ll bet you all split a gut laughing when those Twin Towers fell.”
The hell? Whats wrong with this guy?
Also “aptly named World O’ Crap” wasn’t funny the first hundred (or however many) times, it’s not funny now.
Yeah, I split a gut. I was standing on the street watching the last tower fall, and the fact that my city (which I, unlike, um, you fuckers, haven’t been hating on since I was old enough to channel my inadequacies into hostility against people who I suspect might be enjoying themselves more than I am) was attacked and the ashes of my fellow citizens were dropping in my hair amused the shit out of me.
The entire seven hours I stood in line to give blood I keep thinking how funny it was.
Of course, the part where I texted a friend in England and had him call my mom to let her know we were all alive because I couldn’t get a line out and then she got hysterical was really fucking amusing too. Just not as funny as the dead people.
Of course, it all paled next to the laugh-out-loud panty-wetting humor of having to explain to my child why somebody would do that, and why the elementary school children whose families hailed from the middle east and south asia were so terrified that they were screaming and refusing to let go of their mothers outside of her school when it reopened.
(In order, because they thought God liked them better and outsourced the smiting thing, and because an awful lot of vengeance-seeking ignorant wingnut assholes here think God likes them better and outsourced the smiting thing to them)
A fucking movie?
How dare you, you pathetic little piece of shit.
Holy God, I knew Fumento was an asshole, but Jesus, I didn’t realize how much of an asshole until his last line. That is just loathsome. There are people here, Michael, who lost friends and family to that attack, and to suggest that anyone here finds that a cause for glee is borderline sociopathic. Further, there are people here who’ve lost friends and family to the war in Iraq which has made further attacks more, not less, likely.
Do you really think we’re so goddamned inhuman as to find any of that cause for celebration? Do you really think, just because we think your movie review was lame, that we’re so goddamned inhuman that we celebrate the murder of anyone, whether we knew them or not?
Because we disagree with you over a fucking movie?? No wonder you’re so upset about Die Hard. You can’t tell the difference between reality and propaganda. “They disagree with me, therefore they must hate everything good and love everything evil!” That’s an adult thought process.
Jesus, what a mewling little emotionally stunted sack of pathologies you are. You’re Ann Coulter without the class. Your mom must be so proud.
“The point is that this was part of bending over backwards not to implicate Muslim terrorists.”
Not only that the scripwriters bent over backwards NOT to implicate ETA (Catholic) the Real IRA (Catholic), The Tamil Tigers (no idea!), The Lord’s Army (Catholic), FARC (Catholic), the UDF (Protestant)the Rebel Alliance (Jedi) or the Decepticons (WD-40) in a work of fiction with the socio-political depth of mylar–or a ‘Fumento’.
And btw, ditto Julia and D.Sidhe.
Scott, you should feel proud that Fumento has graced WoC with his presence. For more Fumento hijinx, visit Tim Lambert’s site,http://scienceblogs.com/deltoid/.
I would love to see the premises that got Fumento from “Some people disagree with me” to “These people are amused by terrorism.”
:::Bows to Scott and Julia for the most prescient, most precise, absofuckinglutely PERFECT bitch-slaps ever delivered via Teh Internets.:::
Also, major acolyte-style props to D.Sidhe for these lines:
“Jesus, what a mewling little emotionally stunted sack of pathologies you are. You’re Ann Coulter without the class. Your mom must be so proud.”
What in the fuck could I possibly add to that?
Oh, wait:
“…a work of fiction with the socio-political depth of mylar…”
I might steal that one, Britisher.
The final, irritating thing about creeps like Fumento is the utterease with which they pull out 9/11, cheapening it through constant use. Some idiot sets himself and his car on fire in Scotland? IT’S 9/11 AGAIN!! [no, it isn't] Morons come up with a wildly unrealistic plan to blow up Kennedy airport. IT’S 9/11 AGAIN!! [um... excuse me?] After the London subway bombing, unsourced reports indicate that packages on NYC subways might contain bombs, though none are found in any parcels searched. IT’S 9/11 AGAIN!! {sorry] A bear shits in the woods. IT’S 9/11 AGAIN!! [WRONG!!1! WRONGWRONGWRONG!!!1!!one!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE‽‽‽‽]
Uh, my point being that at the rate dickweeds like Fumento are reprehensibly cheapening 9/11 by plastering it all over any-and-everything, before you know it, tacky used car dealers will be having “tower-smashing good deals” on “9/11 Day.” Let’s at least try to prevent such atrocities from occurring until after our own deaths, shall we?
Hmmm. Just visited Fumento’s blog and he appears to have sanitized his post and corrected his McCain blooper. Vewy vewy quietly, I note, and I exhibit no suhpwise whatsoevah.
Brilliant comments, y’all.
“The final, irritating thing about creeps like Fumento is the utter ease with which they pull out 9/11, cheapening it through constant use. Some idiot sets himself and his car on fire in Scotland? IT’S 9/11 AGAIN!! [no, it isn’t] Morons come up with a wildly unrealistic plan to blow up Kennedy airport. IT’S 9/11 AGAIN!! [um… excuse me?] After the London subway bombing, unsourced reports indicate that packages on NYC subways might contain bombs, though none are found in any parcels searched. IT’S 9/11 AGAIN!! {sorry] A bear shits in the woods. IT’S 9/11 AGAIN!! [WRONG!!1! WRONGWRONGWRONG!!!1!!one!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE‽‽‽‽]
Left by Marq on July 10th, 2007″
That’s all they can do now. Keep trying to scare everyone with the same bogeyman over and over again. “Now is no time to be debating! IT’S 911 ALL OVER AGAIN!!! You can’t question us, UNLESS YOU WANT IT TO BE 911 ALL OVER AGAIN!!! If we weren’t here looking out for you, WHO KNOWS HOW MANY 911S THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN!!!!”
Thank God this trick is starting to lose it’s effectiveness. A few years to late perhaps, but still better than never…
Annti… “steal” away, though perhaps ‘nematode’ instead of ‘mylar’ (mylar is actually quite useful stuff).
I love you all.
Hey, I was only half-Mexican. My father was an Irishman who moved to Mexico to fight with Villa.
Mexican + Irishman = ultimate sexual dynamo, baby. I was impregnating young women into my 70′s.
Scott, for once I find myself with nothing to add.
Bravo!
Just going back to the original point, which is that there was a vaguely Muslim-looking guy who was A GOOD GUY…well, I interpreted that as being intentional on behalf of the filmmakers–part of the _Die Hard_ tradition of making it look like you know who the bad guys are (terrorists/soldiers/revenge-crazy-villains) while really just being a misdirection.
I feel like they know that audiences would see someone swarthy and think, “Well, he _might_ turn out to be the villain. Can’t trust him!”
That doesn’t excuse Fumento from being really the biggest douchebag on the Internet this week for his comment in the previous post.
Of course, I might be prejudiced, LIVING IN FUCKING NEW YORK CITY AND NOT ENJOYING TERRORISM!
Oh, wait, I can add something…
Wait until Fumento gets a load of Curtis’ next project!
Crossing Over
I swear, he’s going to have a boner for a lot longer than the prescribed four hours for Levitra…he plays a Muslim illegal alien!
Well, I must commend Mr. Fumento for his quick response to e-mails. Not that it contained anything especially responsive.
******
—– Original Message —–
From: “[Larkspur]”
To: “Michael Fumento”
Sent: Tuesday, July 10, 2007 1:51 AM
Subject: Busting a gut at mass murder
Dear Mr. Fumento:
I hope you will return to World o’ Crap to read the blog response (and its comments) to your “Anti-Terrorism Equals Racism” post.
I also wish you had integrity enough to note in your blog whenever you delete previously-published portions of your posts and when you correct misstatements and misspellings. That’s what honorable bloggers do. Shame on you.
[Larkspur]
From: “Michael Fumento”
To: “[Larkspur]”
Date: Tue, 10 Jul 2007 09:41:21 -0400
Subject: Re: Busting a gut at mass murder
Dear [Larkspur]:
The World of Crap is exactly what its name implies and isn’t worth responding to and neither are you. And that will be the day I take lessons on “honor” from the likes of you.
*****
(End of exchange)
Note: The changes I made to the text of this exchange include replacing my real name with “Larkspur”, redacting my e-mail address (which is of course always available to W o’ C proprietors), and redacting the e-mail address from which Fumento replied. (The pobox.com is listed at his website, but the other is not.)
And yet I am still curious about two things:
1. How does he justify sanitizing his posts?
2. What, exactly, is “the day” when he will take lessons on “honor” from the likes of me? When hell freezes over? When donkeys fly? It’s awfully vague. But points to him for using “the likes of you” instead of “your ilk”.
And whats the deal with every Roman or Greek in the movies having a fucking British accent?!?! And the execption? Gladiator, an Aussie!
Larkspur, the hell with him. He’s not going to take lessons on honor from anybody, mostly because it’d require so much of them it’d eat into the time he needs for film crit.
He’s also not going to take lessons on humor from anybody, which is almost a bigger shame. If he had a sense of humor, he’d have acknowledged the “John McCain” thing with a joke instead of pretending he wasn’t wrong. If he was smarter, he’d pretend he meant to do it.
Instead, he’s just displayed, like after his little “gotcha” here anybody needed more evidence, that he’s got the integrity and wit of duckweed. Pathetic.
May I just add that you people are too kind, seeing as how we all know who it was who was actually celebrating when the towers fell.
don’t even get started on Alfred Molina’s career!
Wow. I don’t think I could add anything of value after that post and these comments…
Oh, wait!
The Tamil Tigers (no idea!),
Hindu! (Yay, I contributed something!)
Well, dammit, Doghouse, I think that D. Sidhe kinda set the fucking bar on this one — if you wanna rip this numbnut mouth-breathing fucktard a new asshole, please feel free!
“Too kind,” my wide, white, gelatinous, tattooed ass…
D. Sidhe,
At the risk of pissing our hosts off, film critics have honour?
Hm. I’m guessing Peter Travers missed that lecture in college…
This is as OT as can be, but I send this comment, and the past few, direct to y’all from my hospital bed – they have free wi-fi internet access throughout the facility, and my dad brought my my trusty Macbook. Anyhoo, I’ve been in here since Sunday, when a potassium imbalance caused my heart to slow below 20 beats-per-minute, which is not good. At the time, I couldn’t even sit up on my own, and was having great difficulty breathing. I’ve substantially improved, and should be going home later today – huzzah! The bad news is a cardiologist is predicting surgery in the not-too-distant future, and I hate surgery. Bah, humbug.
By the way, Fumento sent over one of his kneeling masses to the original thread. Y’all might want to point out some errors in his logic.
And, oh yeah–I hate hospitals!one!!1!!
Furthermore, this only increases my desire to run out and see “SiCKO.”
Damn, Marq. I hope you’re out of there soon. Want us to bake a cake with a file in it? Enjoy the Jell-O, though, as long as it’s green. I never trusted that orange stuff.
Kidding, but take care of yourself. I smile whenever I see your name on a comment, and I get too few smiles in a day to lose that, okay? Surgery indeed sucks, as do hospitals, but they’re better than the alternatives. I’ll be thinking about you often in the next few days.
Sorry, lurker here. Is this the same Fumento that wrote “The myth of Heterosexual Aids”, way back?
does he still have any credibility left?
Marq,
I hope you’re up and around and feeling better soon. Also, if you wouldn’t mind, insist that they drive you home in the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. It’s one sweet ride, and judging by my grandpa’s recent bills, they probably charge less for non-emergency medical transportation than most ambulance companies.
Sorry, lurker here. Is this the same Fumento that wrote “The myth of Heterosexual Aids”, way back?
Yep. Same guy.
does he still have any credibility left?
Nope. Especially when dealing with epidemiological data. Tim Lambert’s exchanges with Fumento provide an illuminating case study of hereditary inanity.
http://timlambert.org/category/fumento/
“He’s also played a Maori”
just for the record, he is Maori :-)
and to be pedantic, no one is “a Maori” they are simply “Maori”
have a nice day y-all
Yeah, like Julia, I’m a New Yorker and I laughed, too. You know what was funny, besides watching the towers fall? Finding out that you knew one or more of the victims. Fucking hysterical. And then the laughs just kept coming, even weeks later. Like reading the NY Times profiles of the dead, I spot the husband of an old girlfriend. It killed me. And then, while watching the TV showing pictures of victims, my present girlfriend shrieks with delight at seeing an old friend she lost touch with. Laugh riot.
You’re one lowlife fucker, Fumento. That, and what Julia, D. Sidhe and everyone else said.
Marq, I hope your time in the hospital is the minimum of time and your recuperation at home has the maximum of friends (2 and 4 legged) bringing some comfort your way. D. Sidhe has it right….one just has to smile in anticipation and approval of all your comments.
Regards,
Gappie
Marq: sorry to hear your’re in the hospital. Do you have a room to yourself, or must you share with someone who watches FOX all day? While you’re there, ask a nurse why don’t hospitals use fitted sheets which will STAY on the mattress? I always mean to, but when I’m in the hosp. I forget.
The World of Crap is exactly what its name implies and isn’t worth responding to and neither are you
But you just did, you moron.
Money, Kathy. Flat sheets are cheaper. You don’t need to match the set to do a bed, you can just grab two off the pile. With fitted sheets, the elastic wears out soonest and you’re stuck with a huge pile of flat sheets and no fitted sheets. Flat sheets also take less time to fold and organize, and are cheaper to buy, and take a good deal more bleach and abuse in the wash.
That said, if your staff isn’t rushed-to-the-point-of-panic and overworked-to-the-point-of-exhaustion, it’s possible to put them on a bed so they stay. But that would require more staff…
The World of Crap is exactly what its name implies and isn’t worth responding to and neither are you
But you just did, you moron
How much longer till Tracy Spenser shows up to defend Fumento? Any bets?
MARQ!!!
Dammit, man, you could WARN people that you’re planning on almost-dying!
Sheesh. Aside from the already well-put wishes for a quick and painless (well, as painful as possible) recovery, I also hope that once safely returned to your lair, that you are not set-upon by “well-meaning” relatives who will rearrange your entire house and talk your face off as you’re trying to rest. We all have ‘em, but they won’t let us shoot ‘em.
Uma the Homicidal Hamster sends squeaks of goodwill, presumabley for a hale and hearty recovery, unless she just wants to keep you alive long enough to eat you herself. (Only vultures and possums like rancid meat, yes?)
So get your shit together and report back here, post-haste, bucko. We need the snark and you always deliver.
that he’s got the integrity and wit of duckweed. Pathetic.
Left by D. Sidhe
shouldn’t that be “dickweed?”
and a speedy recovery to you, Marq. make sure they prescribe all the meds you want. (you don’t have to take them, but it’s nice knowing they’re there if you need them at 3AM)
Well, I’ve been back home since 7pm yesterday, though I’ve spent much of that asleep, since hospitals never let me get more than an hour of contiguous sleep before waking me up to draw blood or sumthin’. Anywaym thanx to everybody for well-wishes, and now I’ll answer some questions.
Dammit, man, you could WARN people that you’re planning on almost-dying!
I only “almost die” about quarterly, so I’m all caught up until fall… unless I put in a special encore appearance!
Do you have a room to yourself, or must you share with someone who watches FOX all day?
(D. Sidhe answered the sheet question far more eloquently than I could have) I had a little case of MRSA on my shoulder in ’04, and since then I get full isolation protocalls – including a private room – whenever I’m in, even though the MRSA was cured in ’04 or I’d presently be dead. So, former disease can be your friend, though the gowns, masks, and gloves everyone wears are a bit humiliating.
Marq, I hope your time in the hospital is the minimum of time and your recuperation at home has the maximum of friends (2 and 4 legged) bringing some comfort your way.
My labrador nearly chopped down a table leg with his mighty tail wags when I got home, and smothered me with dog-kisses, so yeah.
make sure they prescribe all the meds you want
Since I wasn’t in much pain this time to sprak of, sadly, no opiates this time! Boo!
Also, if you wouldn’t mind, insist that they drive you home in the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. It’s one sweet ride, and judging by my grandpa’s recent bills, they probably charge less for non-emergency medical transportation than most ambulance companies.
Too late, scott. I went in with paramedics, and thus an ambulrence (and with good reason), but went home with my 79-year-old dad, who since his heart bypass in ’05 has been much healthier than me. He’s a cheaper ride than the wienermobile. since he uses my car. ;)
Enjoy the Jell-O, though, as long as it’s green. I never trusted that orange stuff.
Oh, I lurve teh hospital Jello®, whether it’s green, or red, oryellow. I eat it all! Yum!
And, yes, it is “dickweed!” :)
I’d like to add my wish for a speedy recovery for Marq. Hospitals suck, especially if you have to stay in one (as opposed to just visiting.)
As for Fumento’s pea-brained remark about the WTC, everybody’s already had better responses than I could come up with. All I can say is:
Imagine a pile of Jonah Goldberg’s skidmarked underpants and Michelle Malkin’s used tampons, soaked in Ann Coulter’s flop-sweat and sprinkled with skin flakes from Rush Limbaugh’s chafing thighs. Buried at the very bottom of that pile…is Michael Fumento’s soul.
Dammit, Bill, you’re gonna make Marq sick again.
Glad you’re home, buddy. We worry. Also, now you can have whatever Jell-O colors you like. Maybe you can get someone to make Jigglers for you. Hospitals are just no damned fun about stuff like that.
The interesting thing is, though, while Fumento’s minion argues forlornly in the other thread that people who said “fuck” in response to Fumento’s bizarre screech are too profane to be taken seriously, the man himself hasn’t bothered. I’d like to hope, personally, that julia’s fury layered just a little shame onto his fetid psyche. Because if believing that shit he said isn’t sin, I don’t know what is.
For the record, Annti, what I meant (and probably didn’t say very well; time is pressing of late) is that while Julia, D. Sidhe, et. al., annihilated Fumento’s 9/11 comment they did so with rational–if fiery–argument. This is perhaps inevitable, given that they’re thoughtful people, and I bow to them as deeply as my ancient back allows. But what’s really deserved as this point, when the battle cry of the safely stateside warflogger echoes across the empty spaces of a “war” on “terror” no one can possibly believe in any more, where support cynically trades yet more wasted lives in exchange for partisan advantage and a foolish hope of not being proven wrong, deluded, and disingenuous, is to call this what it is: projection. It wasn’t a liberal on teevee on 9/12 calling his political opponents “Fifth Columnists”, it was Andrew Sullivan. It wasn’t the Gore administration that fixed the intelligence, or blamed the CIA afterwards, or outed an agent for political spite. I’m sure Mr. Fumento did not “bust a gut” as the Towers fell. But I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he started making political calculations before the dust settled, just like that corpse of an administration he still insists can be resuscitated.
Oh, and best wishes Marq. You’re in our thoughts.
Here’s a story about five guys who really did bust a gut over the 9/11 attacks:
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines02/0622-05.htm
Some have suggested K Rove busted one also, but that’s just idle speculation.
Doghouse, honey, I was yankin’ yer chain. Although I really don’t see how anyone could be “too kind” to a piece of colonic detrius like this Fumento fart-in-a-bag. But thanks, as always, for the very thoughtful response. I still think that D. Sidhe set the bar pretty high on this thread, though — I’m right proud of ‘er, too!
Bill — on the one hand, I am very proud of your achievement of far-flung disgusting imagery, to a degree which few have mastered. On the other — you know what comes next. Get the bleach, meet me out back of the Chuck E. Cheese, and wear pants with an elastic waistband.
AND WELCOME HOME, MARQ!!!!!!!
Try not to let the dog slobber on the Jell-O — if you had gotten any good drugs, no, you wouldn’t care, but obviously, you are too prescient to not notice.
“Get the bleach, meet me out back of the Chuck E. Cheese, and wear pants with an elastic wasteband.”
I’d be frightened, if I actually understood that.
I’m frightened that I do!
The dog mostly pesters me when I’m eating something in the meat/cheese categories, but he’s polite. He keeps bacl a court-mandated three paces, untill he is either offered the plate to lick off upon finishing, or a piece of food during the meal. Yes, I instill bad behavior in him. But he’s soooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuute!!1!!
Marq, Marq, Marq. If you don’t teach them, they’ll NEVER LEARN (which also goes with the Chuck E. Cheese line…)!!! I trained my cats, over the 6 years that they lived with me (they’ve resided with THEM, Teh Fallen Uterus and Her Dick, since I lost my house in ’03 and did the road trips all over the country, trying to find a job, HA!) to NEVER EVER BEG. My cats were raised with MANNERS. They knew, if they were going to get any leftovers, that they would be deposited into their food dishes, AFTER I was finished, and that begging and nagging and gnawing & slobbering on me whilst I tried to digest was NOT going to help their situation.
Then as soon as they move in with THEM, it’s all shot to hell. The Boy gets up ONTO THE COUCH next to me, while I’m eating, and repeatedly slaps my leg in lieu of actually drooling on me. Biddy stays on the floor, but she grumbles & cusses under her breath until I’m tempted to smother her with a pillow.
Tsk, tsk, tsk. It’s bad enough that some of us have our critters’ manners ruined by others, but to do it to your critters YOURSELF… tsk, tsk, tsk…
AND BILL S., DARLING — puh-huh-huh-huh-LLLEEEEEAZZZZE!!!!!!
Don’t play all innocent with us, don’t try to make like you don’t know what that meant… And don’t make me break-out the old bondage gear, I’m too creaky & stiff my damned self, nevermind the leather!
I kick Michael Fumentos ass.
Well done, Actor-Boy! (Or were you aiming more at “Super-Actor, tah-dah-ta-daaahhhhh!!!”?)
Hehehehehehehe

5 comments:

Happenstance said...

Huh. You'd think a guy with that much combat experience* would be a little more furious with the chickenhawks than with the "chickendoves."

(What the hell is that even supposed to mean, anyway? Where did Repubs come up with this "you oppose the war because you're a coward" nonsense? IT'S VOLUNTEER SERVICE, YOU KNUCKLEKNOBS. Just ask Jonah Goldberg.)

*I'll just wait until I see Fumento's Purple Heart before I accept this as truth. All's fair, birthers.

acrannymint said...

I didn't realize I was posting random comments on here that long ago.

grouchomarxist said...

That was some righteous takedown, Scott et al.

As a relative newcomer to these parts, I was amazed to realize how much Anntichrist S. Coulter has mellowed over the years. (Just kidding, Annti, and please don't ever change.)

Sad, too, to be reminded for the umpteenth time how much I miss Doghouse Riley.

Anonymous said...

***CLIFF*** FUCKING ***CURTIS***?!?!?!?!?

***MY*** CLIFF CURTIS?!?!?!? He thinks that Cliff Curtis is "CAUCASIAN"?!?!??!?!

Is THIS particular troll TRULY developmentally-disabled?!?!?!

Cliff Curtis would BITCH-SLAP HIS FUCKING *FACE* OFF FOR THAT SHIT!!!


No, actually, Cliff is too intelligent, worldly, wise & funny to fall prey to race-baiting fucktards like this. He wouldn't even ACKNOWLEDGE this moron. Cliff was raised right (do NOT mention the "Uncle Bully" character to me!!), has been EVERYFUCKINGWHERE and is hardly as provincial/couch-slug LAZY as the fucktard accusing Cliff of "caucasian" blood.

I saw the 1st "Die Hard," but, knowing the likelihood of sequels EVER living-up to the quality of the original, avoided the sequels, especially the TIME-FOR-THE-NURSING-HOME,-BRUCIE re-boot. Oy. So I've never SEEN Cliff play an "arabic" terrorist, or a terrorist of any kind. You wanna see good, realistic, passionately-acted Cliff Curtis? Watch "Whale Rider" & "River Queen"!!!!!!

LEARN a little about the actors you PRESUME to judge by the SHADE OF THEIR SKIN, you ignorant cracker-ass knuckle-dragging mouth-breathing GOAT-FUCKER!!!!!!

***sigh***

I thought that we'd thinned the herd of mouth-breathing comment trolls by now... it's fucking EXHAUSTING... and so fucking OLD!!! He's so, well, 1999!!!

XOXOXO (to Wo'C, not the mosquito-dick)
Annti

Anonymous said...

Groucho, dear darlin' heart, if only, if only... from your lips to the fates' fickle ears... I'd give ANYTHING & EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to be who I was then, or better yet, before my nephew was slain, or before we lost my grandmother... back when I was still, on rare occasions, FUNNY. Lost my sense of humor a LONG time ago, so if I can gin-up some righteous indignation, then it's been a good day.

Thank you for reminding me of some of the best days... XOXOXO
L,
Annti