Tuesday, September 9, 2014

The World O' Crap Audiences Are the Greatest Audiences in the World

Mary and I want to thank you guys from the bottom of our hearts. Granted, that's the really gross part of the heart, where atherosclerotic plaque gathers in pools of lipids, foamy macrophages, and cholesterol crystals, making the foundation of your romance organ all slimy and weird-smelling like the floor of a pork rendering plant. (This is why I never give out those heart-shaped valentines, because it seems like kind of a mixed message.)

But today the quagmire of semi-liquid fat has been forced out of our lower hearts by high pressure gratitude. Thanks to your generosity, we've hit our fundraising goal and can pay the vet (who started treatment yesterday morning solely on the basis of our paltry deposit and my shaky-voiced assurance that "I know some people who I think might help us."

And you did, and we couldn't be more grateful, at least not without developing dangerously enlarged hearts. So thank you very, very much.

7 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

WAY TO GO, CRAPPERS!!!

I was about to slip a twenty into an envelope & mail it, but now I can devote it to the rent raise my new landlord has demanded. (No sooner do I pay off the Social Security Admin. & get an increase in my monthly benefit than the landlord eats it up.)

Enough w/ my petty financial troubles, I'm sure Riley will be as well as possible soon.

Is she at Laurel Pet Hosp.? (They're the best in the old 'hood.)

Doc Logan said...

Wait... You hit the fundraising goal already?

Damn, wish I'd found out before I sold that kidney.

A quick recovery to Riley, and warm wishes to Scott, Mary, and the magnificent folks who read this blog, and to our furry friends Riley and Moondoggie, who occupy a special place in my heart, even though there's actually more room in the abdomen a few inches down since this morning.

Dr. Alice said...

Hurrah! I'm so glad. Hope the furry hellbeast is better soon.

Carl said...

Fundraising?

Where was the memo?

Anonymous said...

I've always meant to say that Riley's face looks quite a look like furry Crow T. Robot.

Get well soon Riley!

Ivan G Shreve Jr said...

I must have missed the newsletter - you know I'm always good for a fin, my good man,

Weird Dave said...

Any updates boss?