Monday, December 15, 2014

It's A Marshmallow World in the Wintertime and a Rainbow World in the Litter Box


Remember Christmas of 2011, when our innocence was only slightly soiled by Doggie Doo? Those were good days, weren't they? Too bad they didn't last. Nope. This holiday season, pumping your pets for plastic poop is no longer a game, now it's a lifestyle, and for our first entry in the World O' Crap Wishbook, we present the Moxie Girlz and their Poopsy Pets!
 

Leaving aside the questionable assumption that all tween girls are squealing coprophiles, the match of species to feces seems reasonably appropriate. Take Moxie Girl Kellan and her pet unicorn...
...a unicorn that proudly declares, "I poop RAINBOWS!"

Then there's Avery and her Panda:
A panda that poops bamboo shoots.  You are what you eat (I just hope it doesn't shoot bamboo shoots, because I don't think I could deal with projectile diarrhea, no matter how magical it is).

Lexa's elephant poops peanuts, while her pink bunny evacuates glitter from its bowels. All well and good. But Avery also has an aquamarine koala that craps jewels, which I think is stretching the premise.  Not as much, however, as Kellan's tiger...
...which craps eggs.  Eggs!  So tigers are monotremes now? (Perhaps we can get Helmut Monotreme to weigh in here with an expert opinion).

So anyway, the trend this year seems to be products which alienate our young daughters from their previously beloved kitties and puppies in favor of cryptids with theme feces.  But it's all very empowering, because Moxie Girlz'z motto, seen at the bottom of each package is:
be true!...be you!
Enjoy poo.

9 comments:

Helmut Monotreme said...

Thanks for the shout out! In all fairness, I am not actually a monotreme, but I have seen one or two on TV, and I did play Sonic and Knuckles extensively on the Sega Genesis back and the day, and if you recall, Knuckles is an echinda which is famous for being "the other species of monotreme". So I think I rest on solid ground when I state that tigers are probably not monotremes.

Meanie-meanie, tickle a person said...

This is all a masterful PR campaign for a new girlband named Small Feces! No shit! I mean yes shit! No, I mean...you're making all this up, aren't you?
Please tell me you are...

Chris Vosburg said...

Making the rounds on the 'net lately, those crazy kids-these-days have found an exciting new use for glitter and gelatine capsules:

Make your poop sparkle.

No need to polish these turds!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Tigers have learned to lay eggs?

Next thing you'll be telling me about Flying Tigers, eh?
~

Dr.BDH said...

I seem to recall something in Mad magazine 50 years ago about the Mouseketurds. Or maybe that was Zap Comix. Anyway, commercialism imitates art yet again.

Weird Dave said...

I'm pretty sure if any of my pets start pooping rainbows, bamboo shoots, or eggs I am taking them to either the vet or to America's Got Talent.

grouchomarxist said...

The Moxie Girls?

Reet! Lemme fetch my snap-brim fedora and two-tones, and we'll head down to the diner for a cuppa Joe!

When I was a kid, I had a dog who crapped some tinsel that he ate off the Christmas tree. Does that count?

Doc Logan said...

"Rainbows? I don't remember eating any rainbows..."

bs said...

When I was a wee one, the family dog would eat any unattended crayons. When the snow melted in the spring, we'd hafta clean all that winter's dog shit off the deck. It was slightly less repulsive as a job when the turds had little color flecks in 'em.