Sunday, January 4, 2015

Notes From a Hackee

Wo'C Contributor Keith works in the entertainment industry, and while his job is not as glamorous, nor his emails as racist, as Sony Chairperson Amy Pascal's, he wrote to tell me that he has also been caught up in our cyberwar with North Korea -- or so Sony tells him in the email reproduced below... Take it away, Keith!
December 23, 2014 
Dear Sir or Madam: 
Sony Pictures Entertainment (“SPE”) is writing to provide you with information about a significant system disruption SPE experienced on Monday, November 24, 2014. 
SPE has determined that the cause of the disruption was a brazen cyber attack, engaged recognized security consultants and contacted law enforcement.
Memo to Sony: If you're desperately trolling for adjectives, wouldn't spectacular work? How about bad-assed?
SPE learned on December 1, 2014, that the security of personally identifiable information that SPE received about you during the course of your work with SPE may potentially have been compromised as a result of such brazen cyber attack.
Memo to hackers: Good luck doing anything with this information. Your correspondent has a lower credit rating than N. Korea.
Although SPE is in the process of investigating the scope of the cyber attack, SPE believes that the following types of personally identifiable information that you provided to SPE may have been obtained by unauthorized individuals:
I'm quivering with an-ti-ci-pation.
(i) name,
(ii) address,
(iii) social security number, driver's license number passport number, and/or other government identifier,
(iv) Bank account information,
(v) credit card information for corporate travel and expense,
(vi) username and passwords,
(vii) compensation,
(viii) other employment related information, and
(ix) health/medical information that you may have provided to SPE.
SPE thanks so much for your Christmas Eve boiler-plate. It really made my holiday so much more special.

Readers, this article would be much more interesting if the author could share some of the material relating to the “corporate restructure” of 2014, resulting in the lay-off of 50% IT staff. We're guessing the pink-slips were delivered by SPE email.

Unfortunately readers will have to search for this information themselves as links to leaked material are the target of an aggressive DCMA take-down campaign by SPE.

However, there is one moment that gave pause: The absolute disdain and disrespect shown to Adam Sandler by Sony execs.

Sure his most recent movies have tanked. But Sandler's pictures tank in a predictable and bankable way. After DVD, VOD, foreign market and  special venues an investor will make his/her money back on a Sandler picture. It's a low risk, low yield investment.

And the Sandler A-list projects? A lot of coin was dropped at the box office.

Not a fan of Adam but geez, is there no decency?

Happy New Year,
Keith

4 comments:

Carl said...

"SPE has determined that the cause of the disruption was a brazen cyber attack, engaged recognized security consultants and contacted law enforcement.

Memo to Sony: If you're desperately trolling for adjectives, wouldn't spectacular work? How about bad-assed?"

In a world of inappropriately used adjectives, one man stood tall against the powers that be...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Sandler is almost as good as Steven Seagal...
~

Dr. Alice said...

Shorter version:

Dear Sir or Madam,

We've been hacked. You're screwed. Have a nice holiday.

One of my patients works for Sony, and when I saw her a few weeks ago she told me it was pretty bad.

Anonymous said...

ANNTI sez...

Keef, darlin', I am ***so*** sorry that you've had to work for those globe-eating cocksuckers (and not in a good way!!!)... and nope, they did NOT pay you enough!!!

Jeeeezussss, they might as well have taken your fucking personnel files straight to hackers who flog for Al Quaeda and every identity thief on EARTH, the stoopid fucks. How can one of the most-powerful media monopolies on EARTH (for those of y'all who weren't paying attention when Clinton FUCKED EVERY LOWER-END MEDIA EMPLOYEE **TO*DEATH** back in '94, '95, '96, etc., Sony owns CBS-TV, CBS/Columbia Records, Infinity/CBS Radio, and more cable channels than anybody but fucking "Discovery Networks.") NOT HAVE APPROPRIATE FUCKING FIREWALLS AND AN IT DEPARTMENT THAT'S WORTH A FUCK?!?!?! Fucking RIDICULOUS. Sue the fucktards.