Thursday, July 14, 2016

Adopt a Minx!

So there's this thing I've never heard of called "Stiff Man Syndrome". I don't know what it is, but like everything else in my life it immediately became a source of anxiety and made me wonder, if not actually worry, whether I'm Man enough or Stiff enough. And "Syndrome" reminds me of "Thunderdome", so now I'm thinking it's one of those things were Two Stiff Men Go In, One Stiff Man Comes Out, and I'll probably be the jerk left behind for the Zamboni driver to sweep up. Assuming Thunderdome death-matches are held on ice, which I assume they are, because the cold would explain the stiffness.

However, if you're not a man, but you're still stiff -- I mean chronically, catastrophically stiff, like, just had a staring contest with Medusa stiff -- then you may have the rare neurological disease that is now known as "Stiff Person's Syndrome", because Feminism, or maybe just because everyone expects doctors to be able to sex their patients at a glance, like that guy at the chicken hatchery who peeps at bird vents and separates the pullets from the cockerels. I dunno...Maybe I'm expecting a lot, but as I always say -- and you can check the record on this; Snopes will back me up that I always say this, often two or three times on a first date -- that if a guy with a G.E.D. and a history of alcohol abuse can suss out poultry sex organs with a 90% success rate, than I can expect no less from my neurologist.

So anyway, it's a neuter disease now, stiffening men and women with equal disdain for pronouns. And yet, I think everyone who has Stiff Person's Syndrome will agree -- it's a bitch. (Take that, SJWs!) On of those people is our own The Minx.

If you've been hanging around these parts for any length of time you probably know The Minx, who shares a birthday with our own Bill S., and is owned by distinguished cat about town, ZoeLuna:
Please leave me out of this.

Before we go any further, I'm must first take a step that is anathema to me, yet unavoidable: I'm about to doxx the crap out of The Minx. I'm sorry, but ethics in gaming journalism demand it. Her real name is Nadine! (Attention: Whoever had "Nadine" in the office pool, please see Jesse in Accounts Payable, she has your free box of Zone Bars.)

Nadine is a deeply fine person, kind to humans and animals, a reference librarian who was forced to retire because libraries are biased against Stiff People and prefer employees who can make a fist. And she's facing a round of expensive treatment and could really use some assistance and a bed that isn't acting as an Airbnb for her roommate's bedbugs. Mary and I gave what we could, but we're both unemployed right now, so it was a minuscule amount (on the bright side, our donation did conclusively prove that the ha'penny is still considered legal tender).

Here's a brief newspaper article about Nadine, SPS, Life, the Universe and Everything.


After you give that a peek, please visit her Go Fund Me -- One in a Million Nadine -- and help if you can.

Thanks!

4 comments:

Dr.BDH said...

As Chief Medical Officer at World O' Crap (I still have the job, right, Scott? Even though I've been AWOL a lot this year?), I encourage all Crappers to help out. One of my very first patients as a fledgling MD was a man I'm sure had SPS. Valium, narcotics, stretching exercises, nothing seemed to help. He eventually left my family practice to look for help at an academic medical center. Doesn't sound like treatment has progressed much since then.

Scott said...

Well Doc, we've been pretty AWOL ourselves lately (although we're resolved to work on that, and invite you to join our 12 Step group), so a spotty attendance record is hardly grounds for dismissal. Besides, where would we ever find a replacement? We'd need someone with wit, charm, and just a touch of that wild-eyed megalomania and flexible professional ethics that makes for a movie-quality mad doctor, and there's shockingly few candidates who fit that profile, even on LinkedIn.

Btw, thanks for the background info re: SPS, which I previously thought was a feminine deodorant spray.

Carl said...

I can't believe I managed to read this article, that linked article and the GoFundMe without once giggling nervously.

Minx, if you're reading this, I wish I could have given more I hope what I have given helps.

Hank said...

I will never understand this propensity Life -- the abstract noun, not the magazine -- has for handing really shitty deals to good people. I've bookmarked your GoFundMe page so, hopefully, I can combine this pittance with some more near-future pittances to make up a greater (lesser?) pittance.