Sunday, July 10, 2016

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Chuck Tingle Edition

SHADOW:  I've decided...Being near his butt is not enough. Snuggling it; using it as a pillow; tidying it up with my tongue...None of this truly captures the power and majesty of which his butt is endowed...

SHADOW: I am resolved to eat his butt, the way primitive warriors consumed the still-beating hearts of their fallen foes!
MOONDOGGIE: Don't eat my butt!

SHADOW: I must!
MOONDOGGIE: It's wasteful! You can't eat your butt and have it too. Isn't there some more sustainable way you can harvest butts? (PAUSE) Have you tried one of those vegan butts? I hear they're not bad...
SHADOW: The fur never tastes right.
MOONDOGGIE: I think they make it out of corn silk...

SCOTT: Shadow, do not eat his butt!
SHADOW: Hmmm...I can see I need to reduce the influence of negative people and naysayers in my life...Mute!
SCOTT: You can't just--
SHADOW: Unfriend!
SCOTT: That only works on social media--
SHADOW: Delete your account!

SCOTT: I said, do NOT eat his--
SHADOW: I'm not eating his butt! I'm eating toward his butt...

SHADOW: Fine. Fine! We'll just hold hands. Is that kumbaya enough for you Mr. Butt Justice Warrior? Hmph!


4 comments:

Debbi said...

Foolish human. Trying to tell anything to a cat! :)

Doc Logan said...

The news is unremittingly bleak, the election season grinds on interminably, and we still don't seem to have learned how to live together in peace. In such a world, we need more fluffiness.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Mr. Butt Justice Warrior is an awesome twitter tag.
~

Carl said...

ThumbPer would nom that.