Sunday, October 9, 2016

Stop! Look! Listen!

I'm behind on my birthdays again, but it's busy, busy, busy around here, and will probably remain so until Wednesday. Still, it's the Halloween season, and I wanted to take at least a moment to light this bag of dog poop on fire, ring your doorbell, and run away.

First, there's a new Slumgullion up -- a relatively short one, because I'm too busy even to yammer about my opinions on pop culture. I sincerely apologize for this, and assure you that if I had a yammer, I'd yammer in the evening. I'd yammer all over this land -- so if you didn't catch the latest remake of The Magnificent Seven, you can relax; we glared at it for you. If you did see it, then I don't know what to say, other than I hope you had the foresight to make out a Living Will.

The Slumgullion Episode 18 “It Should Have Remained Unknown”

Starring Scott Clevenger and Jeff Holland 
Guest starring Mary C, Blanche Ramirez, and John Szura. Also the Ghost of Alan Ludden. 
A Quinn Martin Production 
Jeff does a theme song mashup as format is thrown out the window and the remake of The Magnificent Seven is mangled to a magnificent mush.

Second, I'm not the only one around here who's been laboring like Mickey Mouse in the The Sorcerer's Apprentice segment of Fantasia, and if you haven't had the chance yet, I highly encourage you take a few minutes and enjoy Hank's review of Violent Road, a crappy American retread that carjacks the plot from the French suspense classic Wages of Fear, and proves that Brian Keith is no substitute for Yves Montand when it comes to brawny, sweaty existentialism (although I personally think Yves Montand would do a perfectly serviceable job replacing Brian Keith in Family Affair).

And finally, Moondoggie stopped by the Sears Family Portrait Studio and sat for his Fall Glamour Shot:

I call it "Man in the Moondoggie."

Shadow has gotten over her aversion to my new robe, now that it no longer smells like Mervyns, and will finally sit on my lap again, although she's clearly not thrilled at my habit of marking the occasion by humming "Ebony and Ivory."

SHADOW: Stop it. Stop it now. I'm warning you, I've got a hairball all cued up.

I hope everyone is doing well. What's going on with you guys? Catch me up in the comments. I feel like we never talk anymore.

9 comments:

Dr.BDH said...

Since you ignored my birthday, Scott, I didn't age another year. Yippee, I can put off that colonoscopy till 2017!

Scott said...

Doc, I actually started your birthday post a day ahead of time, but it's still in the drafts folder because of the slave-driving, gotta-have-it-NOW people in charge of this project I'm rewriting, so I didn't ignore your birthday so much as procrastinated it. But I did leave the draft hanging in the smokehouse, so when it finally posts it'll have a tangy southwestern flavor, which doesn't make any sense now that I think about it since you live in the Midwest, but I don't have a cheese house so...sorry.

Scott said...

[Note: Posted on behalf of Annti, because the systems is convinced she's a robot]

I'm old.

And yes, I've considered the alternative, and nobody's going to convince me that my now-46 years of fuck-ups, being-fucked-overs, and eternally-cluserfucked & less than half-a-brain are WORTH IT, to keep having my proverbial chops busted on an hourly basis. At any rate, however I *do* finally manage to escape this planet's gravitational pull & slingshot/boomerang back as another type of life form, I am SSSOOOOOOOO coming back as one of your & Mary's or oen of Sheri's kittehs. Period. And hell yes, y'all will KNOW that it's me.

No plans to depart Louis Armstrong International any time soon (as we have learned out in the terrain, it is PHYSICALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY, and PHYSIOLOGICALLY ***IMPOSSIBLE*** for me to leave this planet of my own volition!!!)

And all due & sincere apologies to S.Z. and everybody else whose birfdays I've missed over the past couple years, especially since I was illegally/unconstitutionally/immorally incarcerated upon SPURIOUS CHARGES brought by a BATSHIT-INSANE old crone and ALLOWED TO PROCEED by a BALL-LESS WONDER of a district attorney who's known me all of my fucking LIFE and who KNEW BETTER than to allow that shit to happen IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE --- to allow such SPURIOUS CHARGES TO EVEN BE *BROUGHT* BEFORE HIS OFFICE!!! --- when the Department of Justice gets finished with Burl Cain's knuckle-walking/mouth-breathing spawn/in-laws/etc., have *I* got some fucking stories for THEM!!! --- anyfuckingwho... Deep & sincere apologies to S.Z. & everyone else whose birfdays that I've neglected, especially since that same batshit-crazy old hag who put me into jail ALSO disappeared my compute WIF TEH BIRFDAYS LIST UPON IT... Been back for weeks, still can't "find" my computer. Yeah, right, pull the other one, it's got bells on!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{Love y'all!
XOXOXO
Yer Ranty Aunty Annti}

Anonymous said...

ANNTI sez...

P.S.: If I weren't logically convinced otherwise, I'd swear that Shadow's one of the poor kittens that Penny was forced to bear, after her so-called "hoomins" THREW HER INSIDE-ONLY-CAT little round black ass OUT ONTO THE STREET.* Nothing against all of the fine male human beings that I know & adore, but tomcats have a SECRET WEAPON in their teeny little peenies, and it OBLITERATES the concept of "pleasure" or "ESCAPE" for the girl kittehs. Hence the burgeoning populaces of feral cats that make Norway wharf rats look like they're ON THE PILL!!!

Donate to your local SPCA's feral cat program, whenever you can. Most of them are scrupulous people (we won't discuss NOLA'S SPCA feral-program heifer), which is more than I can say about the lying whores of the "Humane" Society, who take credit for saving EVERY animal rescued during Katrina AND Rita in TWO SEPARATE MOCKUMENTARIES THAT MAKE "SPINAL TAP" LOOK REAL. "Humane," my flat, flagging ass --- they're almost as big publicity-whores as the has-beens-who-ain't-yet losers at PETA!!!!!!


*= Nobody at Cat Haven, the vet's offices, the SPCA, or anyfuckingwhere else, that cats who are SPAYED AFTER HAVING HAD THREE OR TEN LITTERS, who are FULLY ADULT by the time that they're spayed, ARE TEN TIMES MORE LIKELY TO GET ***BREAST*** CANCER!!!!!!! Seriously. Look it up. I don't feel so good about all of the kittehs that I did TNRs to, back when I still could --- at least a third of them were female, and adult, to boot, some of them still nursing. GUILT-TRIP, GUILT-TRIP, GUILT-TRIP!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

ANNTI sez...

Sorry for the repeats, I'm exhausted & wiped-out by blood-pressure rockets and plummets lately, and I missed/slept-through The Daily Show *AND* @ Midnight"!!!

Nobody TOLD ME that Penny'd (or all of the other girl-cats whom I'd trapped so that they could be spayed) get breast cancer, which has metastasized into her lungs, etc., because she was spayed after having several litters and over the age of 5. How in the fuck is THAT fair?!?!?! I'd happily give up MY ovaries, if they were still functional, to save this baby girl's life.

I've been trying to get spayed all of my life, but fucking NAPOLEONIC CODE still applies to WOMEN'S REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS & GENITALIA here in VATICAN WEST.

Penny's pallative care meds are a big ol' bitch of hand-compounded meds, but even if I had the GRAND that the quadruple-mastectomy would cost, I would NEVER subject her to that AND radiation and chemo. No animal deserves that shit. If she were younger, healthier, viable to survive the torture, I'd consider it, but for now, I just want to keep her comfortable & as close to "happy" as she can get here at Batshit-Crazy Trailer-Trash Acres, where the skank in question MURDERED her three boys: Bob & Shaggy, the ginger geniuses (she though of Shaggy as her adopted kitten), and gorgeous and gay as a May Pole Yoda, a beautiful white-with-tabby-patches long-haired little man who WORSHIPED @ James' feet and could NEVER get enough attention from the object of his affection. That whore had FINALLY just been evacuated from my grandmother's death cottage, but due to a self-inflicted "injury" by the puppy-serial-killing, baby-rapist fucktard already destroying Nannie's death cottage, SHE'S BAAAACCCKKKK, and I may wind-up in jail again... Will y'all send me cigarettes? Not a day goes by that I don't look for Bob's bright-orange ray-of-sunshine smile in my window, and it breaks my heart, knowing that I'll never see it again, nor see Shaggy running through the treetops of teh banana plants in pursuit of those urban-rats-with-perms ("squirrels"), or the wide-eyed antithesis of "bashful" adoration with which Yoda stared @ James, every chance that he got. I miss my babies so... and even though Penny's regained a couple pounds with the PROPER medication (the frou-frou vet that social-climbing F.U. went to just gave her TRAMADOL, which doesn't do DICK for "pain" in CATS, it only works that way in humans and DOGS --- in cats, it's just a TRANQUILIZER!!!!!! (cont'd)

Anonymous said...

ANNTI sez...

Stoopid, overpriced, bourgie CUNTS. (Teh F.U. will never admit it, but she's tried to be one all of her life, whilst decrying the punk-ass bitches who mocked HER, allegedly, for being ADOPTED...)

So my NEW vet, Dr. Emily, who's young enough to be my grandpsawn, KNOWS HER SHIT AND ACTUALLY *LOVES* CATS, ESPECIALLY RESCUED KITTEHS!!! --- had the RIGHT medicine compounded in, get this --- ARIZONA!!! --- and overnighted here. Not cheap, by a long shot, *AND* it's putting a big crimp in My ESCAPE THIS HELLHOLE Budget.

*!*Yay*!* that we finally found the RIGHT VET, sucks that Penny's inoperable, but I'm going to spoil her rotten every last day that she has with us on this planet. I wish that i could've been allowed to do the same for my Nannie when they murdered HER by malpractice, or Biddy & Boy, when they died of lung cancer because of my smoking and the CHAINS smoked by the F.U. & her Dick. After James, no more inside pets except maybe a killer calico goldfish. I didn't cause the holes in his lungs & heart, the slumlord adjacent to "my" slumlord's backyard, 1st slumlord's KATRINA-ERA TEAR-OUT GARBAGE being the holding-water-and-algae PERFECT INCUBATOR FOR EVERY DISEASED BLOODSUCKER ON ***EARTH*** did that. But my bad little boy will get lung cancer sooner or later, even if he didn't stay with me (they don't call us "CANCER ALLEY, U.S.A.!" for nuttin', honeys.

Sorry to be the drag-ass in here at the last-fucking-moment and bring down the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD O'CRAP, or as one radio douche put it, that i have the ability "TO SUCK THE LIGHT RIGHT OF OF A FUCKING **ROOM**!!"

What can I say? It's a GIFT...

Anonymous said...

ANNTI sez...

Stoopid, overpriced, bourgie CUNTS. (Teh F.U. will never admit it, but she's tried to be one all of her life, whilst decrying the punk-ass bitches who mocked HER, allegedly, for being ADOPTED...)

So my NEW vet, Dr. Emily, who's young enough to be my grandpsawn, KNOWS HER SHIT AND ACTUALLY *LOVES* CATS, ESPECIALLY RESCUED KITTEHS!!! --- had the RIGHT medicine compounded in, get this --- ARIZONA!!! --- and overnighted here. Not cheap, by a long shot, *AND* it's putting a big crimp in My ESCAPE THIS HELLHOLE Budget.

*!*Yay*!* that we finally found the RIGHT VET, sucks that Penny's inoperable, but I'm going to spoil her rotten every last day that she has with us on this planet. I wish that i could've been allowed to do the same for my Nannie when they murdered HER by malpractice, or Biddy & Boy, when they died of lung cancer because of my smoking and the CHAINS smoked by the F.U. & her Dick. After James, no more inside pets except maybe a killer calico goldfish. I didn't cause the holes in his lungs & heart, the slumlord adjacent to "my" slumlord's backyard, 1st slumlord's KATRINA-ERA TEAR-OUT GARBAGE being the holding-water-and-algae PERFECT INCUBATOR FOR EVERY DISEASED BLOODSUCKER ON ***EARTH*** did that. But my bad little boy will get lung cancer sooner or later, even if he didn't stay with me (they don't call us "CANCER ALLEY, U.S.A.!" for nuttin', honeys.

Sorry to be the drag-ass in here at the last-fucking-moment and bring down the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD O'CRAP, or as one radio douche put it, that i have the ability "TO SUCK THE LIGHT RIGHT OF OF A FUCKING **ROOM**!!"

What can I say? It's a GIFT...

Dr.BDH said...

Thanks for the thought, Scott. I used to live in the Southwest so a tangy smokehouse scent will either remind me of Sedona, AZ, or the time a barn full of pigs outside Madison, WI, burned up, which as I recall was right after the fire that destroyed a refrigerated warehouse full of cheese and sent a river of ashy fondue into Lake Monona.

Anonymous said...

ANNTI sez...

Sorry for the repeat and the ad nauseum. Love the imagery, Doc. Now I'm hungry for barbeque AND burnt cheese... and I just watched "The Wicker Man"!!!


(Nope, don't even care about the bastardization/appropriation of "old religions" on tiny Scot islands, just canNOT get over Christopher Lee's BIZARRE self-control in this bit, nor that AQUANETTA-RIFIC HAIR!!!)

Also: HAPPY-HAPPY JOY JOY, SCOTT!!! (Only 3 days late...) Who posts YOUR birfday paeans around here?

XOXOXO
L,
ASC