As made-up holidays designed to keep candy manufacturers in business until October go, this has never been a particularly big one for me, unless you count the size of the fights that occasionally ensued when I ignored it. Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm unromantic, it's just that I loathe sappy greeting cards, I think flowers are a silly gift unless you're dating a horse that just won the Preakness, and I lack the energy and organizational skills necessary to stage a massacre. But this year, when silver linings are at a premium and it seems like we can all use a morale boost, I finally decided to break with tradition and get you a little something.
And in honor of the occasion, I prevailed upon voice artists John Szura and Blanche Ramirez (who performed the audiobook version of Better Living Through Bad Movies) to narrate ancient history's most clueless courtship. It's the story of one pantless man's love for Sappho, Venus of Lesbos.